Husband alcohol problem
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's
Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
As i
write this mail to you, I am deeply distressed with the situations in my
marriage. I am married with children and would call it a good life. My concern
is that my husband drinks a lot. I have tried to tolerate it, tried to talk to
him nicely about it but he just ignores it. His knowledge about islam is pretty
good so he knows what a grave sin it is. Yet he keeps doing it. My son who is
five years old is now recognizing the bad smell and questions it. I live in the
U.s.a and am so scared of the messages my children are getting at home. Every
time I do my salat i pray for him and my children. Even most socializing in my
home has alcohol. Is allah ever going to accept my salats and dua`as.
When he wants to have intimate relations with me and he has been drinking(which
is often) I try to avoid him for fear that indirectly he is passing alchol to
me. But he is my husband and I don`t want to ruin my marriage.. He absolutely
refuses to stop drinking. What can I do???
As I write this to you I feel so hopeless that I am crying. The doctors have
put me on antidepressants becuase I cannot deal with my situation. Please reply
soon and please help me. I will forever be grateful to you
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Answer:
Husband Alcohol problem
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah
Maidah verses 90-91:
90 O ye who believe! Intoxicants (wine, alcohol, etc), gambling,
(dedication of) stones, and (divination by) arrows are all an abomination of Shaytaan's
handiwork: eschew such (abomination) that ye may prosper.
91 Shaytaan's plan is (but) to excite enmity and hatred between you
with intoxicants and gambling and hinder you from the remembrance of Allah and
from prayer: will ye not then abstain?
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 3672 Narrated by Abdullah Ibn Abbas
The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘Every
intoxicant is khamr (wine) and every intoxicant is forbidden. If anyone drinks wine, Allah will not accept
prayer from him for forty days, but if he repents, Allah will accept his
repentance. If he repeats it a fourth time, it is binding on Allah that He will
give him ‘tinat al-khabal’ to drink.’ He
(saws) was asked: ‘What is ‘tinat al-khabal’, O Messenger of Allah (saws)?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Discharge of wounds,
flowing from the inhabitants of Hell. If anyone serves it to a minor who does
not distinguish between the lawful and the unlawful, it is binding on Allah
that He will give him to drink the discharge of wounds, flowing from the
inhabitants of Hell.’
In another authentic narration the Messenger
of Allah (saws) declared ‘khamr’ (intoxicants) as the ‘Umm-al-Khabaaith’ or
‘the mother of all evils’!
Your
Question: He absolutely refuses to stop drinking. What can I do???
There is absolutely no doubt that the consumption of
intoxicants is the root of all evils, and under normal circumstances if the
husband has a serious drinking problem and absolutely refuses to seek help, it
would be best to leave such a person.
But in your statement: ‘His knowledge
about islam is pretty good so he knows what a grave sin it is’ there
is a ray of hope! If your husband has an
alcohol problem, and knows that it is a grave sin in the sight of Allah
Subhanah, there is a possibility that one day he might seek forgiveness from
his Lord and leave this evil habit.
Thus my beloved sister in Islam, under the present
circumstances, as your sincere well-wishers in Islam our humble advice to you
would be to have patience and save your marriage. There is only one thing that can take him away
from his evil addiction, and that is the sincere fear of Allah Subhanah. Thus what you can and must do, first and
foremost, is remain constant in your supplication to your Lord Most Merciful
and seek His Help and Mercy at all times.
And with extreme patience and wisdom, try to instill the fear of Allah
into your husband. If possible, and
again with patience and with wisdom, try to influence the company he keeps and
encourage him to socialize with good righteous God-fearing brothers who would inspire
him towards good deeds and help him get rid of his evil habit.
Your
Statement: Every time I do my salat i pray for him and my children. Even most
socializing in my home has alcohol. Is allah ever going to accept my salats and
dua`as. When he wants to have intimate
relations with me and he has been drinking(which is often) I try to avoid him
for fear that indirectly he is passing alchol to me.
Beloved Sister, as long as, in your heart of hearts, you
hate and despise the haraam as it should be despised; rest assured that you are
free of the sin committed by your husband.
Allah Subhanah is well aware of the condition of each in His creation,
and rest assured that He Knows your dilemma and your condition better than even
you yourself! Remain constant in your
supplication to Him Alone, and seek His Help and His Mercy in saving your
husband and your marriage.
But at long last after you have tried your best to rid him
of his evil habit, if you feel that your husband would never turn back from his
addiction of alcohol, you are well within your rights in Islam to initiate
divorce proceedings against him, and there will be no sin upon you.
But as long as you remain his wife, it is your Islamic
duty to fulfill all your obligations and rights that are due from a righteous
wife unto her husband. If your husband
calls you to have intimate relations with him, as is his right, you are duty
bound to respond to his call. Rest
assured that the evil habit of consuming intoxicants is not passed from one to
another through conjugation!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3257 Narrated by Talq ibn Ali
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
man calls his wife to satisfy his desire she must go to him even if she is
occupied at the oven."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.460 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "If a
husband calls his wife to his bed (i.e. to have sexual relation) and she
refuses and causes him to sleep in anger, the Angels will curse her till
morning."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your Brother and
sincere well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister