Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

As Slam Alie Kum Brothers, first of all I would like to say you guys are doing a great job, for our muslim brothers and sisters,making them more awere of Islam.

May Allah reward you for this, Inshallaha.

I would all so strongly recomend, you guys to give importance to the topic, of having sex before marige or out side maridge, as most muslim brothers and sisters fail to abstain from free mixing, which lead them to a shame ful sin, as Quran tell us do not even go near Zina, as Allha has forbiden every path that could possibly lead you to Zinna, such as free mixing, internet chatting, vain talk on mob and telephone.

My Question is, it,s about my 1st marriage, I devorced my first wife for personal issues,but I belive 70 percent of it was my fault and 30 percent was hers, and I have moved on now, and got married to another girl, and I love my second wife to bits, because she follows Islam, and I do too.

But how ever I still have lots of love, in my heart for my first Wife, and I still cant forget her, and I think that is not fair on my 2nd Wife, so these feelings and emotions that I have for my first Wife, are they exceptable or not in Islam? Bearing in mind I have never been in touch with her, since I divorced her, but I still fail to stop thinking about her.

So if it is not aceptable, thinking about your 1st Wife in Islam then what should I do? Is there any Dua that I could read?So I can take her out of my mind, if yes please tell me.

Please answer my question, and reply to me as soon as possible.

Thank you may Allmighty Allha reward you.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Thinking about first wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.

Your Statements: I would all so strongly recomend, you guys to give importance to the topic, of having sex before marige or out side maridge, as most muslim brothers and sisters fail to abstain from free mixing, which lead them to a shame ful sin, as Quran tell us do not even go near Zina, as Allha has forbiden every path that could possibly lead you to Zinna, such as free mixing, internet chatting, vain talk on mob and telephone.
Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, we could not agree with you more on what you have said, as one of the biggest trials and path of destruction in the life of this world is through the transgression of any of Allah’s Declared Boundaries.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 32:

Do not even go near ‘zina’ (fornication or adultery) for it is a very indecent thing and a very evil way!

Such is the enormity of ‘zina’ in the Sight of the Lord, that not only is the act of ‘zina’ declared haraam in Islam, but every single road that even initiates, encourages, propagates, or leads to this evil way is forbidden to the believers! Islam absolutely prohibits and warns the believers to lower their gaze, protect their chastity, and abstain from forming any illicit or secret relationship with a non-mehram woman, to the extent that the Messenger of Allah (saws) warned that when a man is alone with a non-mehram woman, the Shaytaan is the third amongst them!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram)woman, the Shaytaan makes a third."

Islam understands the natural and physical desire of man and has guided and encouraged the believers to marry to fulfill their natural physical desire… so much so that the Messenger of Allah (saws) termed marriage in Islam as ‘half of the religion’!!!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3096 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "When a man marries he has fulfilled half of the religion; so let him fear Allah regarding the remaining half."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah

We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him lower his gaze and guard his modesty, and whoever is not able to marry, should fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."

One cannot possibly underline the dangers associated with the casual relationship between a non-mehram man and a woman, the open and free-mixing of sexes in society, the daily and non-stop bombardment of sensuality on television, movies, magazines, etc., the casual and absolutely vain talk between the sexes on the internet, mobiles, telephones, etc., and every passage made available today to the youth to stray from the Straight Path of Allah Subhanah!

Your Question: so these feelings and emotions that I have for my first Wife, are they exceptable or not in Islam?

It is only natural that one is united with someone in as sacred a relationship as marriage, it is not easy to forget the person who had at one time been so close to one’s heart! Feelings, thoughts, emotions, etc. are natural conditions of one’s heart, and one cannot always control the level of flow of these emotions. It is not these unintentional feelings and thoughts and emotions by themselves that constitute a sin, but what one does when one is subjected to these emotions determines whether it is a sin or not!

If one has chosen to divorce and separate from the woman one had married, one must realize that that woman is no longer his ‘mehram’; and regardless of their previous relationship, his relationship with her will now be as distinct as it would be with any other honorable non-mehram sister.

As much as one may try to exclude the person whom one was so close to for a period of time from their minds and hearts, it might be difficult, if not impossible! Thus there is no harm if unintentionally one thinks about one’s ex-wife or remembers her; but what one must never do is try to establish a relationship with her, or privately contact, or talk, or meet her. And one must be extremely careful never ever to remember, compare, or praise one’s ex-wife in front of his present wife, as that would allow the Shaytaan to sow unnecessary seeds of confusion and disharmony in one’s marriage! One should never intentionally allow one’s past to destroy ones future!

There is absolutely no harm if ever someone or something unintentionally brings one’s past life or times with one’s ex-wife to mind, as long as one does not act on these thoughts. The absolute best thing to do when such unintentional thoughts and emotions come to mind is to pray to Allah for her well-being, and beseech the Lord Most Merciful to keep her happy and content wherever she may be.

Time is the only and absolute biggest healer, and with time and the new-found happiness in the new marriage, these thoughts of the past will diminish, Insha Allah.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan