Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

salam brother
Im married and our marriage wasnt approved by my husbands parents.I practice i pray i fast i try n keep my husband happy in every possible way.For 4yrs ive made so many sacrifices for my husband and did wot he wanted.Iv been living with my mother and hes been living with his parents.Despite the fact that we are married ive had to live like this for 4yrs because his parents still dnt approve of us being married and have given him ultimatum me or his family.Although he wants to be with me he loves his parents and doesnt want to lose them.So im at home hes at home,unable to be together.Im so ill and depressed.I say to him im his wife he should put a roof over my head ,give me stability,take care of me ive given him enough patience for 4yrs.He says he cant leave his family they will never accept him,so they wil never accept me and he willnever leave them.what am i suppose 2 do? i got married thinking once we are married theywill accept it and even if they dont we willgive them time and do our best 2 convince them.Its been four yrs and now ive realised my husband wont ever leave them to be with me.I respect the fact that they are his parents but he married me,surely he doesnt have to leave me just to please his parents.Surely he cant destroy my life just because his mum doesnt accept me. 

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Answer:

Wife staying away from husband because in laws disapprove

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

If the reason for the parents of the man not accepting his wife as their daughter-in-law is because of some valid Islamic reason, or religion, or some major character flaw; then they indeed, as his parents, have a right to object and not accept their son’s choice; and their son should obey his parents and divorce his wife.

But if the wife is a righteous, God-fearing woman and the reason for the parents of the man not accepting his wife as their daughter-in-law is because of some frivolous and petty reasons, like caste, color, wealth, looks, etc., then the son is not obligated to obey his parents when they tell him to divorce his wife.

It is the responsibility of the husband, who has chosen to marry a righteous God–Fearing woman against his parents wishes to now fulfill his responsibilities and duties as a son to his parents, and also as a husband to his wife. He should not incline so much towards his parents so as to compromise his duties and obligations as a husband to his wife; nor should he incline so much towards his wife so as to compromise his duties and obligations as a son to his parents. It is his responsibility and duty to balance these two roles, if indeed he fears Allah and the Last Day.

If the husband chooses to live with his parents for any reason, but has provided everything for his wife regarding her shelter, food, clothing, honor, etc. and visits her frequently; there is no harm or sin on the husband. And if the husband chooses to live with his wife, and takes care of all his responsibilities and duties towards his parents, there is no harm or sin on the husband in this situation too. It is the man who will have to strive to strike a balance between his roles as a son and as a husband.

Your Question: He says he cant leave his family they will never accept him,so they wil never accept me and he willnever leave them.what am i suppose 2 do?

Basically you have two options:

Option 1: If the husband satisfies and honors you as his wife, and fulfills all his duties and responsibilities towards you regarding your honor, your shelter, your clothing, and your upkeep, etc., you may bear with patience his not being able to live with you permanently because of his duties towards his parents. If you can bear this trial from your Lord with patience, and yourself fulfill all your duties and responsibilities in full towards your husband; Allah Subhanah will reward you generously for your patience and good deeds.

Option 2: If your husband is not fulfilling his duties and responsibilities towards you as his wife, you are well within your rights to initiate divorce proceedings, if you are not satisfied with your condition as his wife; and in such a case there will be no sin upon you.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan