Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear brother,

I am going to get married to my cousin in two months, however, i do not want to marry him because he doesn`t seem to be able to support me financially . also, i see him as quite stingy, and i am truly disgusted by him, personality and looks. however, since it is the will of my parents, i am going ahead with it with indifference. i dont know if it would be correct to tell my parents that i do not want to marry him, as they won`t accept my rejection, as he is my cousin. so i have thought, that after marriage i will refrain from doing anythin that husbands and wives do, because i have married him for my parents, and i am not comfortable with him like that. i will live with him amicably as a friend, but not a wife, and i will only be his wife by name. can you please advice me on this matter, as i don`t see a clear path and i constantly make dua that my engagement breaks by some event, to save me of the depression i am going through thinking of being married to him. a quick reply would be much appreciated.

Thank you

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Refuse proposal

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, the sacred institution of marriage in Islam is a life-long commitment one makes under the Sight of Allah Subhanah; and if one is not comfortable with the choice of one’s suitor, and one is not committed to fulfill all the rights of marriage…..one should not jeopardize their happiness and the happiness of their suitor by agreeing to the marriage with absolutely no intention to fulfill their rights after the marriage! That would indeed be dishonesty, treachery, deceit and a grave sin to make a mockery of the sacred institution of marriage in the Sight of the Lord Most High, Most Majestic.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.101 Narrated by Aisha

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "It is essential (absolutely obligatory) to have the consent of a virgin (to her marriage).’ I said, "(But) A virgin feels shy." The Prophet (saws) replied: "Her silence would imply her consent."

Allah Subhanah has laid the absolute final decision of accepting or rejecting the proposal in marriage in the hands of the bride herself; and a marriage in Islam will not be valid unless and until the bride consents to her marriage.

Dear and beloved sister in Islam, if you absolutely dislike the suitor and do not wish to marry him for any reason, it would be best to, with absolute humility, politeness and wisdom make your decision known to your parents. Allah is our witness sister, there is no better well-wisher in creation for an individual than the very womb which bore them; and if you convey your decision to reject the proposal of your cousin to your parents with the requirement amount of wisdom and sincerity, it is expected that your parents will not force you into a marriage which you do not consent.

If after your best efforts, you are unable to convince your parents to reject the proposal, it would be prudent to seek the help of someone who is very close to your parents like your grand-parents, or their brothers or sisters, or any person whom you know they love and respect and beseech them to help you convince your parents that you absolutely do not want to marry the person chosen by them.

If that does not work, you could humbly and politely approach the parents of your cousin, or even your cousin himself and make known to them that you do not wish to marry their son.

If that too does not work, and you are absolutely convinced that you could never ever accept and respect your cousin as your husband and fulfill his rights in marriage….then as an absolute last resort, you are well within your rights given to you in Islam to verbally reject the proposal when the Judge or Qadi inevitably will ask you for your consent at the time of ‘nikaah’.

Beloved Sister, if your intention is indeed not to fulfill the rights in marriage, under absolutely no circumstances should you go ahead and give your consent to the marriage, for that then would be deceit and treachery on your part, and indeed a grave sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan