Parents refusal to marry.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Assalaamu
alaikum
I just
want to know if a girl wants to marry some one who is very very
religious mashAllah and is also a very nice person.
But
your parents simply dont like their family as they think that guy's family is
extreme religious. So simply they dont want me for that guy.
Do u
think in such case, we should respect our parents decision? Or keep praying to
Allah that the parents may understnd. My own parents dont pray even 5 times
Salah..n i feel very very bad about it. But i want to get married to a guy who
comes from a deeni family..What should i do?
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
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Answer:
Parents refusal to
marry
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in
marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation
on earth and extensive corruption.'
Parents who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day should
be overjoyed and privileged that their daughter seeks to marry a God-fearing
and pious man from a pious family!
If the one and only reason one’s parents refuse a proposal
for their daughter is because the boy is God-fearing and pious or from a pious
family, then it would not be incumbent upon their daughter to respect this
‘unlawful’ decision and command of her parents……for none other than Allah and
His Messenger (saws) have guided the believers to give the utmost importance
and preference to piety (above all else) when seeking marriage.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A
creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the
Creator."
Your
Question: ….Do u think in such case,we should respect our parents decision? ….What
should i do?
Respected sister in Islam, just because as in this
particular case, it would be lawful and permissible for a believing off-spring
to disobey the unlawful ‘decision’ of their parents….it does not and should not
be taken as a license to disrespect, or be harsh, or rude to one’s parents!
Disobeying an unlawful ‘decision’ or ‘command’ of one’s
parents is one thing; to disobey or be undutiful towards one’s parents is
altogether another!
One cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance
of serving and being dutiful to one’s parents in Islam…… Second only to the
heinous and the ultimate abomination of ‘shirk’ in the Sight of Allah is for an
off-spring to be undutiful to one’s parents!
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with
great kindness; if either or
both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah
Luqman verse 14:
14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain
was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy
parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 36:
36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to
parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors
who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what
your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom
should I show kindness most?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again):
‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.
I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again:
‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in
order of relationship.’
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah
Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said,
"Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I
have come to consult you. He (saws)
asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said,
"Stay with her, for
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha
The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its
name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So
whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will
keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his
bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
To join others in worship with Allah,
To be undutiful to one's parents,
To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden
to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),
And to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I
inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O
Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Thus my respected sister, even if you have to disobey this
unlawful ‘decision’ of your parents, you make absolutely sure that at all
times, you fear Allah and with absolute patience, and humility, and tenderness,
and politeness…..strive your absolute utmost to try and convince your parents
to accede to your choice and request.
If after your very best efforts, your parents still do not
accede to your request, you should seek the help of one amongst their elders
(their parents, their elder brothers or sisters, their friends or loved ones
whose opinion they respect, etc.)…..and beseech them to intercede on your
behalf.
But my respected sister, whatever you do in your efforts
to change the unlawful ‘decision’ of your parents, you make absolutely sure
that at all times, you fear Allah your Lord, and under any circumstances you do
not offer even a word of contempt or abuse or harshness or threats towards your
parents….for that then would be a manifest transgression of the prescribed
Boundaries of the Lord Most Majestic.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister