Wife and in laws
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Salam! I need to know how are you supposed to deal with
your parents when they have a pschlogical problem in their mind and they just
find a reason to fight with their son and daughter in law. Me and my husband
have been married for 4 years and always trying to make my husband`s parent
happy in any way possible but instead of getting better they keep bringing out
issues related to my family to fight and eveb though our families have`nt
talked ever since we are married. His mom has had a nervous breakdown and is
not in a normal condition so she is always upset at me som that he treats me
and my family nice so she and his father abuse him and treat him like a dog all
the time. Even though he fulfills all his rights to his parents. They have
never treated me nicely ever since we are married and always bamed me that i am
disrespectfull to them and actually i have never said a single bad word to them
ever. So in short because of her mental condition she had made our life
miserable all thw time and keeps telling my husband to make her happy because
of islam and treat me and my family shit.Please guide us that what should me
and my husband should do to keep God happy because because of her psychological
problem it is next to impossible to make her happy???Help us ASAP!!!
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
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Answer:
Wife and in laws
In the name of Allah,
We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah
guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide
them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah
Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the
seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous
women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah
would have them guard (their modesty and chastity, the honor and
property of their husband, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws)
said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's
Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who
pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command,
and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing
anything of which he disapproves."
In light of the guidance of the
Quran and the Sunnah, the wife has absolutely no duty or responsibility laid
upon her by Islam towards her husband’s family or ‘in-laws’, including the
husband’s parents, brothers, sisters, uncles, aunts, etc. The responsibility and duty that Islam has
laid upon the believing wife is only towards making sure that her husband is
pleased and satisfied with her in every aspect of her life!
Thus, in essence, if a believing
woman worships Allah Subhanah as He Alone deserves to be worshipped, preserves
her chastity, and strives to the best of her ability to please her husband, the
Messenger of Allah (saws) declared that she will be given the honor to enter
the
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger
(saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during
Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of
the gates of
Having said that she has
absolutely no responsibility towards her husband’s family, does not in any way
mean or imply that she is allowed to be rude, or disrespectful, or dishonor
them in any way. She must at all times
strive to develop cordial relations with her in-laws.
But if the believing woman does,
of her own free will, serves the parents or family of her husband, she would be
doing a deed of ‘ehsaan’, a deed which would be over and above her prescribed
duties and responsibilities; and Allah Subhanah has time and again declared in
the Glorious Quran that He absolutely loves those believers who do ‘ehsaan’ or
deeds which are over and above their role of duty and responsibility.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale-Imraan verse 134 (part):
134 …. for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and
above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 195 (part):
195 … and do ‘ehsaan’; for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do
deeds over and above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 93 (part):
93 ….. For Allah loves the
‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
The wife in Islam is absolutely
under no obligation to take care or serve her husband’s parents or family; the
duty and ultimate responsibility that the parents are served and well cared for
is entirely upon the direct off-spring of the parents.
But if the wife, of her own will
and choice, wishes to go over and above her prescribed duties and in her
benevolence serves the parents and/or family members of her husband, she would
be doing the extremely meritorious deed of ‘ehsaan’; and Allah Subhanah
absolutely loves those who do ‘ehsaan’ or deeds over and above their prescribed
duties.
If a husband is blessed with a
wife who does ‘ehsaan’ and serves his parents, he should be extremely grateful
and thankful to her for her superb gesture of benevolence and kindness.
Respected sister, it is the duty
of your husband alone to take care of his ailing and aged parents. If you as the wife are not comfortable living
with your in-laws, you are well within your rights in Shariah to demand that
your husband provide a separate accommodation for you according to the means
available to him….and if your husband has the means, he should strive to
fulfill this lawful demand of yours.
Whatever written of
Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever
of error is of me alone. Allah Alone
Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister