Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

My questions remain unanswered, and i really need help with them right now, but to understand my questions fully youll need to know some background info.. here goes past 2 and a half years ive been living in pakistan, my birth country, attending medical school. i didnt want to come here, i liked my life in the US and was having a great time in college with my friends. i was in a relationship. but after coming here i realized my lifestyle was all wrong. i strive to be on the right path and Allah willing will keep striving my whole life.

for many years my cousin was trying to marry me. at a time i considered it for the familys and my own parents happiness but decided not to because i didnt think i could live with him. this caused many problems. i was threatened with forced marriage. it didnt happen (Alhamdulillah) at the time another marriage proposal came, a nice one, but i didnt want to accept because i want to focus on my studies and felt an engagement would not be best. more problems, but my family finally agreed (Alhamdulillah again). a part of me realized at the time that i have feelings for my colleague. i dont plan on acting on them, i stay away as much as possible in fact.

now recently, i fear my father is having an affair. hes in us, my mother is here in pakistan. things got so bad we feared he had commit adultery *astagfar*

my mother is going to US soon to put an end to this. he said in a recent phone conversation that we as a family never heeded his advice, i said no to the proposals he wanted me to accept, and other complaints.

now my questions

1. are my past sins forgiven if ive done tauba? what is the proper way to ask forgiveness? i did not commit fornification but i came close because i was in a relationship...do i need to be punished with 100 lashes as per Quran? im willing to if i find a group of people who wont make this public..

2. the disappointments, the disobeying of my father, how do i ask forgiveness for those?

3. am i in the wrong for continuously turning down marriage proposals to focus on studying and work? i know in the Quran it says to marry early as possible, but it also says were allowed to study as much as we want, and i cant do the two together..

4. my liking my colleague. ive kept my feelings to myself. if anything i would like to one day marry him. though i realize its unlikely as i wont ever say it and he wont ever ask. but i do pray that if we are not bad for each other, and if he has some liking for me as i do for him, then we would end up married to each other. is there a proper dua to ask? is this allowed

5. how do i bring my dad to the right path? what is a prayer i can make for him to come back to the family and his marriage with my mother?

6. my mother and father, in their rashness, shouldnt make any decisions concering me and the future. just tell me islamic quranic or sunnati duas to ask.

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Answer:

Father’s sins & repentance

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

1. are my past sins forgiven if ive done tauba? what is the proper way to ask forgiveness? i did not commit fornification but i came close because i was in a relationship...

My dear beloved sister, whatever deeds one might have done,  if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah and seeks forgiveness,  Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran that He will forgive all the sins of such a believer.   Not only that,  our Lord is so Merciful and Generous,  that He not only will forgive the sins of the believer,  He will change his evil deeds done into good deeds!  

The conditions or way to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord is:

1. One is aware that he has sinned,  and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
2. Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
3. Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness,  before he has met with his appointment of death.
4. Is a believer and does righteous good deeds. 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy!  Surely, Allah forgives all sins.   He indeed is the All Forgiving,  All Merciful.   Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you;  for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who,  if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin,  remember Allah instantly,  and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings.  For who,  but Allah,  can forgive sins?   (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did.   These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah,  and with Gardens beneath which canals flow,  and they will reside therein forever!   How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

My dear Beloved sister in Islam, if you have sinned in the past and have now sincerely made taubah, do not despair of the Mercy of our Ever Forgiving Lord and rest assured that He forgives all sins of His sincere repentant slaves as long as they have solemnly vowed not to repeat the same. You do not have to take any punishment such as lashes etc., making taubah and constant supplications is more than sufficient.

It is reported in an authentic narration that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘All of the Children of Adam are sinners, and the best of the sinners are those who are constant in seeking (Allah’s) forgiveness.’

1a. do i need to be punished with 100 lashes as per Quran? im willing to if i find a group of people who wont make this public..

Respected sister,it would be prudent never ever to expose the evil you might have done in your past to anyone, especially after The Lord Most Gracious has concealed it Himself.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2492 Narrated by Hudhayfah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "It is not fitting for a believer to demean himself." On being asked how he could demean himself he (saws) replied, "By exposing himself to a calamity which he has not the capacity to endure."

It would be best and purest to confess the sins one might have committed or the evil that might have transpired in one’s past to none save Allah Subhanah; and never ever expose those deeds of the past which one is ashamed of to anyone in creation, especially after Allah Subhanah, in His Grace and Mercy, has concealed those deeds Himself.

Sister, being in a state of wudhu at all times, performing the 5 obligatory prayers in their prescribed times, reading the Quran with understanding daily as much as is easy for you, paying the zakat, fasting during Ramadhan, keeping in the company of good righteous Muslima sisters and doing good righteous deeds will go a long way to earn the pleasure of your Merciful Lord who will InshaAllah grant you success in this life and the hereafter.

2. the disappointments, the disobeying of my father, how do i ask forgiveness for those?

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 14 Surah Ibraheem verse 41:

41      "O our Lord! Cover (us) with Thy Forgiveness; me my parents and (all) Believers on the Day that the Reckoning will be established!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 4.248         Narrated byAbdullah bin Amr

A man came to the Prophet  asking his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him, "Are your parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said to him, "Then exert yourself in their service."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357        Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2338        Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in death."

If one has wronged one in creation and that person is alive, it would only be piety and righteousness in the Sight of the Lord that one seek forgiveness for their wrong not only from Allah Subhanah, but also from the person whom they have wronged…..that would be akin to seeking sincere repentance in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

5.how do i bring my dad to the right path? what is a prayer i can make for him to come back to the family and his marriage with my mother?

Allah says in the Holy Quran: Chapter 16, Surah An-Nahl Ayat 125:

Invite to the way of your Lord with wisdom and excellent admonition and argue with people in the best manner. Your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His Way and who is Rightly guided.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale-Imraan verse 110:

110    Ye (O believers) are the best of peoples evolved for mankind, ye enjoin that what is right, forbid that what is evil, and ye believe in Allah.

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6470     Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘He who called (people) to righteousness, there would be reward (assured) for him like the rewards of those who adhered to it, without their rewards being diminished in any respect. And he who called (people) to error, he shall have to carry (the burden) of its sin, like those who committed it, without their sins being diminished in any respect.’

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 10 Surah Yunus verses 40-44:

Some of these people will believe in (The Message) and others will not.   Your Lord knows these mischief-makers very well indeed. If these people deny you, say to them: “I am responsible for my deeds and you are for yours.   You are not accountable for what I do, nor am I for what you do.”  There are many among them who hear what you say, but will you make the deaf to listen to you, even though they be incapable of understanding this?  Then there are many others among them who see you.  But will you show the way to the blind, even though they be bereft of sight?  The fact is that Allah does not in any way wrong the people, but they wronged themselves.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verse 15: Who receiveth guidance receiveth it for his own benefit:  who goeth astray doth so to his own loss:   no bearer of burdens will bear the burden of another:  nor would We visit with Our Wrath until We had sent a Messenger (to give warning).

You are not responsible for your fathers sins. The most you can do is make sincere constant supplications to Allah swt to have mercy on him and forgive him his sins and guide him to become righteous. You should perform voluntary (nafl salah) prayers and lots of supplications (duaa) to Allah swt begging Him to join your parents again in love and a happy married life.

Allah swt has commanded us to be very obedient to our parents. You must humbly ask your parents forgiveness immediately and ensure that henceforth you take care of honoring all their legal wishes.

3. am i in the wrong for continuously turning down marriage proposals to focus on studying and work? i know in the Quran it says to marry early as possible, but it also says were allowed to study as much as we want, and i cant do the two together..

Allah and His Messenger (saws) have declared marriage a Sunnah (voluntary) in Islam,  but have commanded and made it ‘Fard-Ayn’ (absolutely obligatory) on every believer to obey their parents.  

It is better and purer for the believer,  who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day,  to obey his/her parents;  in preference to his/her desires.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone!  Treat your parents with great kindness;  if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them;  nor rebuke them;  but speak to them kind words.  Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord,  be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

It does not behove a believer,  who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day,  to oppose his parents in anything;  except if they force you to worship another deity with Allah!   Leave alone opposing them on a trivial matter like choosing one’s partner in marriage;  Allah has commanded the believers that they should not even say ‘uff’ to them!   AllahSubhanah has commanded the believers to treat their parents with great kindness,  with humility,  and with tenderness;  and never ever to rebuke them in anything,  but rather, always speak kind words to them and supplicate the Merciful Lord to have mercy on them.  

Your not accepting the proposals of your parents by itself is not a sin because Allah swt has given you the right to accept or reject a proposal. However, your choice of life partner must be endorsed by your father. His approval is one of the obligatory requirements of your marriage.

4. my liking my colleague. ive kept my feelings to myself. if anything i would like to one day marry him. though i realize its unlikely as i wont ever say it and he wont ever ask. but i do pray that if we are not bad for each other, and if he has some liking for me as i do for him, then we would end up married to each other.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118        Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a woman,  the Devil makes a third."

You should refrain from meeting your colleague alone, and perform the istikhara prayers and leave the matter in the hands of Allah swt.. However, if none of you are going to make your feelings known to each other, there is very little chance of an union. We strongly suggest you take the help of somebody you trust from your family ie; cousin sister, uncle, aunt, girl friend etc., to inform your colleague of your interest and take up the matter from there.

4a is there a proper dua to ask? is this allowed

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 186:

And if  My servants ask you,  O Prophet, concerning Me,  tell them that I am quite near to them.   I hear and answer the prayer of the suppliant,  when he calls on Me.  So let them respond to My call and believe in Me.  (Convey this to them),  perhaps they may be guided aright!

The All Knowing, All Wise Allah knows what is good and what is bad for us;  therefore,  if one asks for something good and lawful,  Allah will give him/her one of three things:

• Allah will give the believer what he/she has supplicated for.
• If what the believer is asking is not good or harmful for the believer in this world, Allah will store it for him for the world of the Hereafter.
• If what the believer is asking is not good or harmful for the believer in this world, Allah will turn away from the believer an equivalent amount of evil.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2257        Narrated by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri

The Prophet (saws) said, "Any Muslim who makes a supplication containing nothing which is sinful, or which involves breaking ties of relationship,  will be given for it by Allah one of three things: He will give him swift answer, or store it up for him in the next world, or turn away from him an equivalent amount of evil."  Those who heard it said they would then make many supplications and he (saws) replied that Allah was more ready to answer than they were to ask.

Nu'man b. Bashir reported that the Prophet (saws), said, "Verily supplication is worship."

Narrated by Ahmad and Sunan.

Abu Hurairah reported, "The Prophet (saws) said, "Nothing is more dear to Allah than one's supplication to Him.'' 

Narrated by Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

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