Mother in law issues.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Aslamoalykum!
I am a
24 years old Muslim girl, i got married 6 months ago and now am pragnent. The
problem is that my in-laws were not willing for the marriage ( father-in-law is
not alive), my mother-in-law and my husband's brother. Anyways, somehow after
alot of discussions and infact so many quarells v gt married. My mother-in-law
never used to like me, after the marriage (after 1 month) she started
misbehaving with me, and even with her son also. almost every week without any
genuine reason she stops talking to us, shuts the door very harshly, taunts me
infront of guests and above all she doesnot admit it . As she is a widow so she
wants every1z symphtay. She has cursed me for several times, m in a deep mental
stress, really donot knw how to live in such a bad environmnet.
I have
only 1 brother-in-law, he also takes his momz side. He has also stopped talking
to me and my husband. Through out the day i sit alone, nothing to do, and then
my mother-in-law puts the blame on me that i dont talk to her, and make faces
and make fun of her. She wants my husband to fight with me, if he doesnt do so
she stops talking to him as well and says to every1 in the familay that my son
has changed.
You
tell me plz what shud i do, i ask my husband to plz gt separated from her, he
said no what would my family think of me that after 6 months of marriage i m
leaving my mother, litearally i m at a loss of words, plz tell me how to
survive.
AllahHafiz.
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errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
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Answer:
Mother in law issues
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah
Nisaa verse 34:
34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has
given the one more than the other, and because they support them from their
means. Therefore the righteous
women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah
would have them guard (their modesty and chastity, the honor and
property of their husband, etc.)
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies
while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which
woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he
looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his
wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he
disapproves."
In light of the guidance of the Quran and the Sunnah, the
wife has absolutely no duty or responsibility laid upon her by Islam towards
her husband’s family or ‘in-laws’, including the husband’s parents, brothers,
sisters, uncles, aunts, etc. The
responsibility and duty that Islam has laid upon the believing wife is only
towards making sure that her husband is pleased and satisfied with her in every
aspect of her life!
Thus, in essence, if a believing woman worships Allah
Subhanah as He Alone deserves to be worshipped, preserves her chastity, and
strives to the best of her ability to please her husband, the Messenger of
Allah (saws) declared that she will be given the honor to enter the
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a
woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her
chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of
Having said that the wife has absolutely no responsibility
towards her husband’s family, does not in any way mean or imply that she is
allowed to be rude, or disrespectful, or dishonor them in any way. She must at all times strive to develop
cordial relations with her in-laws.
But if the believing woman does, of her own free will,
serves the parents or family of her husband, she would be doing a deed of
‘ehsaan’, a deed which would be over and above her prescribed duties and
responsibilities; and Allah Subhanah has time and again declared in the
Glorious Quran that He absolutely loves those believers who do ‘ehsaan’ or
deeds which are over and above their role of duty and responsibility.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah
Ale-Imraan verse 134 (part):
134 …. for Allah loves the ‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and
above their call of duty).
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah
Ale-Imraan verse 148:
148 And Allah gave them a reward in this world and the excellent reward
of the Hereafter. For Allah loves the
‘muhsineen’ (those who do deeds over and above their call of duty).
The wife in Islam is absolutely under no obligation to
take care or serve her husband’s parents or family; the duty and ultimate
responsibility that the parents are served and well cared for is entirely upon
the direct off-spring of the parents.
But if the wife, of her own will and choice, wishes to go
over and above her prescribed duties and in her benevolence serves the parents
and/or family members of her husband, she would be doing the extremely
meritorious deed of ‘ehsaan’; and Allah Subhanah absolutely loves those who do
‘ehsaan’ or deeds over and above their prescribed duties.
If a husband is blessed with a wife who does ‘ehsaan’ and
serves his parents, he should be extremely grateful and thankful to her for her
superb gesture of benevolence and kindness.
If for any reason the wife does not wish to live in a
‘joint-family’ of her in-laws, she is well within her lawful rights in Islam to
demand that her husband provide a separate accommodation for her away from her
in-laws; and if the husband has the means, he should fear Allah and fulfill
this lawful demand of his wife. The
right the wife does not have is to demand or expect that her husband leaves his
parents and move in to live with her in the separate accommodation…..that is
the decision the husband has to make on his own.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister