Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

If a man,in his middle age,with his full sense of responsibility and mental balance,takes a second wife,without informing his first wife,and strongly feels he will convince her,later as she too is a very devoted and excellent muslima,but his fore thought becomes a distant Trip from reality,and his first wife,suddenly protests silently,by remaining hungry for months and is self Inflicted,and suddenly losing her health,and Interest in life, and nothing helping her tolerate the sorrow of sharing her husband,and the repercussions, fall on the second wife in the sense that she does not get her half time division(tension) and no public announcement of her nikah and is forced to accept,30percent time,and is miserable.And the husband explains to say there are children on the other side,and require father`s attention thereby subtraction of time from the second wife is inevitable,and orders her to be obedient,but she refuses and there is severe marital commotion,what is the remedy for this unhappy situation? Is there something in Islam as BLIND obedience to the husband? Is separation the solution? jazak Allah Khair. 

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Answer:

Issues with second marriage wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.

Dear and beloved Sister, Allah Subhanah has given the believers the option and made it lawful for them to marry more than one wife (upto a maximum of four) on the condition that they will deal with justice amongst their wives, especially in the amount of time and resources one spends towards them.

The husband is neither required to take the permission of his first wife nor even inform her to marry for a second time, if he does not wish to do so.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 129:

129 Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from one wife) altogether so as to leave her (as if it were) hanging (in the air).

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them (ie. he does not do justice amongst his wives), he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.’

If a person was not in a position to do justice amongst his wives, he should have feared Allah and not exercised his option to marry multiple wives. But if the person has taken the decision to marry more than one wife, then it is absolutely obligatory upon him to deal justly between his wives, especially in the amount of time and resources he spends towards them. If Allah forbid one is more inclined towards one of his wires at the expense of the other, he will be guilty of injustice and the Messenger of Allah (saws) declared that such a person will come on the Day of Judgment with one of his sides hanging down.

If one of the wives, either the first or the second, of their absolute free will and choice, allow their husband the liberty to spend more time with the other wife, there is no harm; but if both the wives insist that their husband deal with them equally, they are well within their rights to do so and there will be absolutely no sin upon them if they wish to demand and exercise their lawful right.

If one of the wives chooses to display her protest unto her husband by staying hungry or upset or silent, that is her own choice and her doing and she alone will be responsible for her state and her well-being.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.598 Narrated by Abu Huraira

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (Muslim) so as to take her place, but she should marry the man (without compelling him to divorce his other wife), for she will have nothing but what Allah has written for her."

Islam guides that both the wives should fear Allah and it would not be lawful for either of the wives to demand that their husband divorce the other wife, for she will have nothing but what her Lord Creator has Decreed for her.

Your Question: what is the remedy for this unhappy situation? Is there something in Islam as BLIND obedience to the husband?

Beloved Sister in Islam, the one and only remedy to change this unhappy situation is for all the three parties, the husband and the two wives, to fear Allah as He Deserves to be feared….and each party strives to fulfill their rights and their duties as guided by Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquillity with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

If one truly seeks guidance in one’s marriage, there is no better recipe for peace, harmony and tranquility in one’s relationship with one’s spouse in marriage than the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284 Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan