Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear brother,
i am in a confusion as to what needs to be done. i am in love with a guy who is already engaged but not yet married. guy liked me before his engagement but then i took a long to me to except his proposal and now when i have understood his love its to late for me becuase he is engaged with some other girl. i couldnt stop my feeling and had to tell him that i love him very much as he does. guy loves me a lot now also his love for me has not changed and so he has decided that he will get married to me first and then will get married to the girl whom he has engaged. he tells me that he will give equal authorities to both of us. i would not have any objection of he getting married to other girl becuase i love him a lot. i understand his situatiion he cannot go against his parents becuase he loves them very much. i would know that he will have a second wife. but his second wife will not know that he has married a girl before who will be his socalled first wife. he says he will keep me separtely and will get married publicly but none of this family members will be their in his marriage except his close friends. he will not tell his family members that he has already married a girl without their permission. neither he will tell his second wife about this. but my family will know that he will be getting married to me but they will not know that he will have a 2nd wife later. i am alright of he getting married to the girl whom he is engaged.

i need to know?
1. is it fine if he is hiding about his first marraige from his 2nd wife and his family
2. is it fine if he wants to break the engagement and only be mine. he is happy to do so but then he doesnt want to hurt his family and the girl, he thinks that they would curse him for what he has done and for which he will not be happy forever.
3. he was not asked his opinion before they were looking a girl for him and he did not say anything at that time to his family becuase he dint knew that i to liked him
4. will i be wrong because i have started liking a person who is engaged and will be getting married, i understood the guys feeling later on.....when it was late but couldnt stop myself in liking him
5.we have a very good understanding between us he love me a lot and my family as well, he tells me that he is getting married to an other girl only because of his parents and for girls respect, but then he tells once he will get married to me and that girl he will give equal rights to both of us.
6. is it fine if only my family members and friends are there in this marriage and not his. as he will not be telling any of them that i am his lawfully weeded first wife.

Please look into my situation and reply back as soon as possible because of this i am not able to take up a decision. please help me out.

your sister

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Answer:

Marry two wives secret

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and beloved sister, just imagine if you were engaged to marry someone, and another woman came and told your fiancé or ‘husband-to-be’ that she loves him and they prepare to marry secretly and dishonestly behind your back…..how would you feel? What would be your condition or reaction if you were to ultimately find out regarding this ‘betrayel’ after your marriage? What would be the state of your family when they find out? How would they react? How much respect then would you or your family have for your husband?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 …. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).

Beloved Sister, the guidance of Islam Commands and Demands that the believers marry desiring chastity, not lewdness and secret intrigues! It is only those who are inclined towards the heinous and abomination of the evil of ‘zina’ who develop lewd and secret intrigues; for the sacred institution of marriage in Islam is a public affair whereby one is guided and commanded to openly declare one’s sacred association of marriage to the society one lives in by offering the ‘walima’ or marriage banquet or feast.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.395 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) seeing a yellow mark (of perfume) on the clothes of 'Abdur-Rahman bin 'Auf, said, "What about you?" 'Abdur-Rahman replied, "I have married a woman with a Mahr of gold equal to a date-stone." The Prophet (saws) said, "May Allah bestow His Blessing on you (in your marriage). Give a wedding banquet, (Walima) even with one sheep."

If one fulfills all the obligatory conditions of a ‘nikkah’, the marriage would be legal in the Sight of Shariah Law; but to marry ‘secretly’ or ‘dishonestly’ would be to make a mockery of the sacred rite of marriage in the Sight of Allah Subhanah!

Your Question: …..is it fine if he is hiding about his first marraige from his 2nd wife and his family
If all the obligatory conditions of the ‘nikaah’ are honored, the marriage itself would be legal in the Sight of Law; but to marry ‘secretly’ and ‘dishonestly’ would be to make a complete mockery of the sacred institution of marriage in the Sight of Allah Subhanah and just not consonant with the character of those who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day.

Your Question: …..is it fine if he wants to break the engagement and only be mine. he is happy to do so but then he doesnt want to hurt his family and the girl, he thinks that they would curse him for what he has done and for which he will not be happy forever.
It is indeed surprising that one fears the following of the ‘curse’ in the life of this short and transitory world of those whom one would intentionally wrong (and one indeed should, for there is absolutely no screen between the supplication of one who is unjustly oppressed and Allah Subhanah), but one does not fear their accounting in the Presence of his Lord Most High in the Hereafter!!!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.598 Narrated by Abu Huraira

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (Muslim) so as to take her place, but she should marry the man (without compelling him to divorce his other wife), for she will have nothing but what Allah has written for her."

To honor his engagement with the other sister or to break it is entirely a decision the man would have to fear Allah, and make for himself.

Indeed if the man chooses to break the engagement, it would hurt the sister, her family and indeed his own family….but it would only be prudent for him to give serious consideration to their state of pain and their sense of being betrayed if and when they find out later (and they will find out!) that the person dishonestly and secretly married another woman before he married her!!!

Your Question: …. he was not asked his opinion before they were looking a girl for him and he did not say anything at that time to his family becuase he dint knew that i to liked him
Beloved sister, it would indeed be utterly ‘naïve’ for you to assume that the groom was not asked for his opinion regarding his own marriage! If the engagement has indeed taken place between the two families, it would be absolutely safe to assume that it all happened with the prior approval of the groom-to-be!

Your Question:…..will i be wrong because i have started liking a person who is engaged and will be getting married, i understood the guys feeling later on.....when it was late but couldnt stop myself in liking him
Dear and Beloved sister in Islam, love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind! What determines virtue and sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!

To love someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does and says after one has ‘fallen in love’ with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!

If one falls in love, and informs one’s guardians that they love so and so, and requests them to sanctify their love in the sacred bond of marriage so that they may love each other for the rest of their lives would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

But if one falls in love, and strives to meet or talk to the person in secret and in private, and in their love transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah before they are united in the sacred bond of marriage; then indeed it would constitute a huge sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Your Question: …..we have a very good understanding between us he love me a lot and my family as well, he tells me that he is getting married to an other girl only because of his parents and for girls respect, but then he tells once he will get married to me and that girl he will give equal rights to both of us.
Allah Subhanah has permitted and given the option for a believer to marry more than one wife upto a maximum of four; thus the person is well within his rights to exercise his lawful option of marrying more than one woman.

Beloved Sister, under the present situation and condition, the lawful options available to you are:

1. Accept whatever has transpired, and absolutely distance yourself from the said person…..and seek to marry another pious and God-fearing believer.
2. Let the person you wish to marry fulfill his engagement and marry the other sister first; and then if he still wishes to honor and marry you, he is obviously well within his rights to approach your parents and honorably seek your hand in marriage as his second wife.

Your Question: ….is it fine if only my family members and friends are there in this marriage and not his. as he will not be telling any of them that i am his lawfully weeded first wife.
Although the presence or consent of the parents of the groom are not an obligatory condition of ‘nikaah’ in Islam, it would neither behove nor befit the character of a believer who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day to marry secretly.

Your Question: Please look into my situation and reply back as soon as possible because of this i am not able to take up a decision. please help me out.
Beloved Sister, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we implore you to answer this simple question to yourself and determine for yourself which path would be considered righteous and acceptable unto your Lord….employ dishonesty and in secret become the first wife of the prospective groom, or allow yourself to be married honorably with the same person as his second wife?

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan