Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalam O Alaekum Burhan Saheb

I have been reading your q&a for a long time now and I appreciate the way you respond and make dua to Allah swt for you all to keep on guiding people in the light

f Quran and Sunnah to the right path

I am 42 years old married having 5 kids. In a strange situation I met a girl who is only 20-yrs old and wish to learn and follow Deen of Allah properly. She has proposed me to marry her so she can be a better muslimah although I have tried my level best to convince her that I am too old for her but she insists and gives example of Mohammad saws & Bibi Aisha`s age difference and says that in Islam there is no boundaries of age difference for a groom and a bride and insists on marrying me. I am in a strange situation, please guide me if I should say NO to her proposal or should I accept it?

And do I have to take permission from first family before marrying this girl in case if its permissible. Kindly note this girl knows that I am married happily and having kids as well.

JazaakAllah Khairan 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Marry second time istakhara

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.

Your Question: I am in a strange situation, please guide me if I should say NO to her proposal or should I accept it?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:

3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or (a captive) that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.

Shariah Law allows and permits a believing man to marry and keep a maximum of four wives at any one time if he wishes to do so, provided he is confident he will be able to deal justly and equitably amongst his wives.

If the married person who wishes to marry for a second time is absolutely confident that he will be able to do justice amongst his two wives (if she were to chose to marry you), there is absolutely no harm in his exercising his right to choose to marry more than once. Such a marriage will be absolutely valid, legal and lawful in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah.

Beloved Brother, if you are contemplating whether you should marry a particular woman or not, in our humble opinion the best course of action for you which will help you make a decision is to seek the help of Allah Subhanah and beseech Him to guide you to what is best for your life in this world and the Hereafter. It is the established Sunnah and tradition of the Messenger of Allah (saws) that whenever he had to make a choice between two (or more) legal alternatives, he would perform a two-rakah prayer of ‘Istakhara’ and make earnest supplications to his All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord to guide him to what was best.

Hadrat Jabir (r.a.) reports that ‘the Prophet (saws) would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a Surah of the Qu'ran. He (saws) said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and recite the supplication of Istakhara.’’

Related by Al-Bukhari.

Saad ibn Waqas (r.a.) reported that the Prophet (saws) said, "Istikharah (seeking guidance from Allah) is one of the distinct favors (of Allah) upon man, and a good fortune for the son of Adam is to be pleased with the Judgment of Allah. And a misfortune of the son of Adam is his failure to make istikharah, and a misfortune for the son of Adam is his displeasure with the Judgment of Allah."

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our ardent advice to you would be to follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and perform this simple ‘Istakharah’ prayer and supplicate your Lord to help you and guide you to a decision that is Pleasing to Him and is best for you in your life in this world and the Hereafter. Then wherever the matter settles, and whatever transpires after you have put your full trust in your Lord Most Gracious, know with conviction that that was the absolute best decision.

The following is from the book "Selected Prayers"
compiled by Dr. Jamal Badawi.

"When seeking guidance in decision-making (Istikharah)"

Allahomma Inni Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka min Fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam. Wa'anta-'allamul ghuyoob.

Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.

Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi. Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur leyal-khayr Haytho kan. Thomma ardini Bih.

Translation of du'a:
O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things.
O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.

Notes:
1. The above du'a is to be recited when there is uncertainty about the advisability of taking a decision, provided it is Islamically permissable.
2. After performing wudu' (ablution), one should offer two rakahs (sunnah required for this purpose).
3. Before reciting the dua' it should be made sure that the person is not already inclined to a given decision; otherwise it will mean the person is not serious about seeking guidance from Allah (SWT).
4. In making this dua' the actual matter or decision concerning which divine guidance is being sought should be mentioned instead of the words (Hathal Amra) in transliteration or the words "this matter" in the translationm above.
5. After reciting the dua' (immediately or later on), one may feel more
favorably disposed toward one choice or the other.


Salatul istekharah from the book Fiqh us-Sunnah by As-Sayyid Sabiq It is a sunnah that, if one must choose between permissible alternatives, one should pray two rak'as sunnah, be they regular sunnah prayers or a prayer for entering a mosque, and so on, during any time of the day or night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Qu'ran after reciting Al-Fatiha. Then one should praise Allah and send salutations to the Prophet, peace be upon him, and recite the following supplication which has been recorded by Bukhari in Jabir's narration:

"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would teach us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a surah of the Qu'ran. He said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and say:
"O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters. O Allah! If you know that this matter (then mention it) is good for me in my religion, my livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life') then ordain it for me, make it (easy) for me and bless it for me. And if You know that this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood
and my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life') then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain the good for me wherever it be and make me be pleased with it." There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many times one should repeat it.
An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikhara, a person must do what he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should not insist on doing what he has desired to do before making the istikhara. And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do, otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice of Allah, and would not be honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what one oneself
desired or determined."

And do I have to take permission from first family before marrying this girl in case if its permissible.

The one and only condition Allah Subhanah has laid upon the believers who wish to exercise their lawful option of marrying more than one wife is that they are absolutely just amongst their wives in the distribution of their time and their resources amongst them. There is absolutely nothing in the Quran nor in the authentic Sunnah which stipulates or puts a condition that a believer needs the prior permission or consent of his first wife before he marries for a second time.

Beloved brother in Islam, you are well within your rights to exercise the option of marrying more than one wife, if indeed you wish and choose to do so….and you definitely do not need to seek the permission or consent of your first wife to do so.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan