Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamalaikum

i would like to know whether it is permisible to have a grand wedding ceremony provided one doesnt go beyond what he/she can afford. also can we have certain functions like uptan.mehendi etc once again if we can afford to do so?

what about all the jewellery that is given to the bride by the parents on her wedding?it is only for the bride s use.

my cousin is going to get narried and there would be some non-islamic things like music, mixed gathering etc.even though i have told them that this is haram they refuse to change.i will have to attend the wedding as we stay in the same house.i would maintain proper hijab inshallah.what should i do and what will be the sin on me?

jazakallah

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Answer:

Wedding ceremonies

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: i would like to know whether it is permisible to have a grand wedding ceremony provided one doesnt go beyond what he/she can afford.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.106 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: “The worst food is that of a wedding banquet (walima) to which only the rich are invited while the poor are not invited. And he who refuses an invitation (to a banquet) disobeys Allah and His Messenger (saws).”

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.395 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) said to Hadrat Abdur-Rahman bin Auf (saws) at his marriage:, "May Allah bestow His Blessing on you (in your marriage). Give a wedding banquet, (Walima) even with one sheep."

The Sunnah is to make the marriage an easy and affordable affair, but unfortunately today a lot of customs and rituals have crept in the process of marriage, most of which have absolutely no basis in Islam. Most of these processes are no more than a boast and a show, one party trying to outdo the other’s wedding, and an open ground for the spread of indecency, and the mix gathering of the sexes; thus playing straight into the hands of the Shaytaan. So much wealth is squandered in such marriages that it tends to become a burden on the poor of society when it is their turn to get married.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Israa verses 26-27:

26 And render to the kindred their due rights as (also) to those in want and to the wayfarer: but squander not (your wealth) in the manner of a spendthrift.

27 Verily spendthrifts are the brethren of the Shaytaan; and the Shaytaan is to his Lord ungrateful.

If there is one term which would describe a marriage according to Sunnah in todays time, then that word would have to be ‘simple’! The simpler the marriage, the closer it would be to the Sunnah.

Provided none of the Commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws) are violated (display of ‘fahisha’ or indecency, free-mixing of sexes, extravagance and opulence, show-off, etc.), there is absolutely no harm if one who has been blessed with abundance from their Lord in having a ‘grand’ feast at their marriage of a loved one; if one wishes to do so. But if one feared Allah and held a ‘simple’ and ‘decent’ wedding, that would indeed be closest to piety and righteousness.

Your Question: also can we have certain functions like uptan.mehendi etc once again if we can afford to do so?

A wedding is a festive and joyous occasion in the family, and if one wishes to hold certain cultural and traditional functions like ‘uptan’ or ‘mehndi’ amongst their loved ones, there is no harm and no restriction in Islam…..but one must fear Allah and make sure none of the Laws of Islam are violated in the least during their celebrations (eg. Fahisha, indecency, free-mixing of the sexes, extravagance, etc.).

Your Question: what about all the jewellery that is given to the bride by the parents on her wedding?it is only for the bride s use.

There is absolutely no harm if the womenfolk at a marriage adorn themselves with their jewelry, or the parents of the bride wish to give some jewelry to their daughter.

The jewelry given by the parents of the bride as a gift to their daughter would obviously belong to the daughter, unless of course the daughter, of her own free will, wishes to give some of the jewelry to another as a gift.

Your Question: my cousin is going to get narried and there would be some non-islamic things like music, mixed gathering etc.even though i have told them that this is haram they refuse to change.i will have to attend the wedding as we stay in the same house.i would maintain proper hijab inshallah.what should i do and what will be the sin on me?

Sahih Muslim Hadith 79 Narrated by Abu Sa'id al-Khudri

I heard the Messenger of Allah (saws) as saying: ‘He who amongst you sees something abominable should modify it with the help of his hand; and if he has not strength enough to do that, then he should do it with his tongue; and if he has not strength enough to do even that, then he should (at least abhor it) from his heart; and that is the least of faith.”

The above quotation from the Messenger of Allah (saws) is an explanation of the duty and command which the Lord Most High has laid upon every individual in the Muslim Ummah of how exactly to strive to ‘forbid evil’.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imran verse 110:

You (muslims) are the best community which has been raised for the guidance of mankind. You enjoin what is right, and forbid what is evil and you all believe in Allah Alone.

The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the believers that if one who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day sees any thing, or act, or deed which is an obvious transgression of the Laws of Allah, it does not behove and befit him to (Allah forbid) participate or indulge in it, or even ignore it; but it would be an element of his faith to consider it an obvious abomination and transgression of the Commands of Allah.

If one is in a position of authority whereby he can put an end to this abomination and transgression, he must strive to do the best of his ability to do so; and that would be amongst the best of deeds.

If one is not in a position of authority whereby he cannot put an end to the evil himself (ie. with his hands), then he must, clearly and without ambiguity, at least make it known to those who are committing the evil or and those who are in authority that this act or deed is absolutely an abomination and a transgression of the Laws of Allah Subhanah; and such an evil should be brought to an end immediately.

If one is so weak in the social strata, that neither does he hold authority to put an end to the evil with hands nor has the power to speak up against the evil; the absolute least he is bound by faith to do is at least abhor and detest the evil happening around him in his heart of hearts! The Messenger of Allah (saws) called this the ‘weakest of faith’ implying that if one does not even abhor and detest the evil happening around him in his heart, then his very ‘faith’ or ‘emaan’ is in question!

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.116 Narrated by Abdullah bin Umar

The Prophet (saws) said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and everyone of you is responsible (for those under his wards). A ruler is a guardian and is responsible (for his subjects); a man is a guardian of his family and responsible (for them); a wife is a guardian of her husband's house and she is responsible (for it), a slave is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible (for that). Beware! All of you are guardians and are responsible (for those under your wards)."

Dear and beloved Sister, since it is your cousin who is getting married, you are obviously not the guardian of your cousin or her family….thus if you have tried to tell them politely to fear Allah and not violate His Commands of display of ‘fahisha’, indecency, free-mixing of the sexes, etc…..you would have done your duty unto them and you would be blameless in the Court of Allah Subhanah for the deeds they do.

Your Question: i will have to attend the wedding as we stay in the same house.i would maintain proper hijab inshallah.what should i do and what will be the sin on me?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verses 72-73:

72 (The true servants of Allah are) Those who witness no falsehood (intentionally), and if they pass by futility they pass by it with honorable (avoidance);

73 Those who when they are admonished with the Signs of their Lord, droop not down at them as if they were deaf or blind.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqaan verse 63:

63 And the servants of (Allah) Most Gracious are those who walk on the earth in humility, and when the ignorant address them they say "Peace!"

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, if you have to attend a wedding of a loved one where you know the clear Laws of Allah Subhanah would be violated, it would be a duty unto you to fear Allah your Lord, and do not yourself indulge or participate in the futilities except with a honorable avoidance. Your duty as a sincere believer in Allah and the Last Day would be to fear your Lord at all times, and when those who are involved in the open violation of your Lord’s Laws address you, you simply declare your ‘peace’ with them.

If you do not yourself indulge in the participation of the futilities, but you keep your distance of a honorable avoidance and peace, you will be blameless for the sins committed by them; but if you were to participate wholeheartedly in the futilities, indeed you will have to bear the proportionate share of the sin according to the level of your indulgence in the violation of Allah’s Commands.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan