I am in love with a non muslim from past 7 years and never inteneded to marry him though as I always thought it is wrong to go against Islam and parents.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
I am
in love with a non muslim from past 7 years and never inteneded to marry him
though as I always thought it is wrong to go against Islam and parents. But
when the time came and my parents started looking out for a groom for me, I
realised that I genuinely like this person and there is no better person than
him for me. I also feel it is wrong to get married to a person who I am not
interested in. He is not willing to convert and I also do not want to force him
to when he doesn`t believe in it. My question is, why is it wrong to marry a
non muslim who does not have enough exposure to Islam, to actually follow the
religion. he would obviously follow what has been taught to him since
childhood. What I like in this person is that he is a non muslim but his deeds
are very good.never hurts anybody, takes care of his parents,me and my parents
and no ill feelings etc. I have known many muslims whose deeds are not good and
my parents want me to get married to them only `coz they r muslims. Is this
right? what should be given weightage? good deeds of a person or only a person`s
birth in Islam is enough?
Now, I
am in a confused state `coz logically i feel he is not the wrong person but if
I have to by Islam I have to leave him `coz his birth was not in Islam on which
he had no say.Even if I decide to leave him, I cannot live with any other
person again as I do not want to do injustice to anybody else by having this
person in my mind.
What
should I do now and why can`t I stay a spinster all my life?
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Answer:
Why cant marry a non muslim
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 221:
221 Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters) until they believe; a
slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman even though she
allure you. Nor marry (your girls)
to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better than un
unbeliever even though he allure you.
Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden
(of Bliss) and forgiveness and makes His Signs clear to mankind: that
they may celebrate His praise.
Allah Subhanah has absolutely forbidden the marriage of a
believing woman, if indeed she believes in Allah and the Last Day, to marry a
disbeliever, regardless of how much that disbeliever may allure her……for the
Lord Declares that the disbelievers do but beckon one to nothing but the
eternal and everlasting torment of Hell-Fire…while those who chose to obey and
follow the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws), are beckoned by the
Grace of the Lord to the Eternal and Everlasting Gradens of Bliss in the
Hereafter.
Your Question: What
I like in this person is that he is a non muslim but his deeds are very
good.never hurts anybody, takes care of his parents,me and my parents and no
ill feelings etc.
Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, every person has two
types of rights which he must fulfill:
- Rights
due to his Lord and Creator
- Rights
due to his fellow man
It may indeed be that one is a disbeliever and his deeds
towards his fellow man might be extremely good and the person dutifully
fulfills all his due rights towards his fellow human beings….but because the
person has chosen to disbelieve in the Absolute and Supreme Oneness of the Lord
Creator and His obedience, he obviously denies and rejects the rights due to
His Lord and Creator!
If one denies and rejects the rights due to their own
Creator, regardless of the other rights he gives to any in creation….the deeds
of such a person are absolutely worthless in the Sight of his Lord Creator, for
such a person has denied the very Lord Who Created him in the first place!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 47 Surah
Mohammad verses 8-9:
8 But those who reject (Allah) for them is destruction and (Allah)
will render their deeds astray (from their mark).
9 That is because they hate the Revelation of Allah; so He has
made their deeds fruitless.
Your Question: I
have known many muslims whose deeds are not good and my parents want me to get
married to them only `coz they r muslims. Is this right? what should be given
weightage? good deeds of a person or only a person`s birth in Islam is enough?
Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, it may indeed also
happen that one might profess to be a believer, but the person fails to fulfill
his rights to his fellow man as guided by Allah Subhanah.
Thus when you seek to find a suitor to marry, it is not
necessary (although it would be legal) for you to marry one who has only
professed belief, but is bankrupt when dealing with his fellow beings!!! But
rather you should seek to marry one who is able to fulfill both the
rights….first and foremost to the Lord and Creator Who created him, and also
the rights that are due to his fellow man.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied, asks your daughter in
marriage, accede to his request.’
The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided the believing woman
to seek husbands who not only fulfill their due rights to their Creator, but
also to their fellow man.
If one marries one who professes belief, such a marriage
will be at least lawful in the Sight of Allah Subhanah; but if one chooses to
disobey a clear Command of their Lord and marry a disbeliever, such a marriage
will be absolutely unlawful and a gross violation of the Laws of Allah
Subhanah.
Your Question: what
should be given weightage? good deeds of a person or only a person`s birth in
Islam is enough?
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied, asks your daughter in
marriage, accede to his request.’
Beloved Sister, it is not possible for one to recognize
and give their full due rights to their Creator….and disregard all the rights
due to one’s fellow man; nor is it possible that one gives their full and due
rights to his fellow man to perfection, and does not recognize and give the due
rights to the One Who Created him in the first place!
It would obviously be best if one finds a suitor who
fulfills both the rights: to their Creator and to their fellow man….such a
person would make a ideal companion!
Your Question: Now,
I am in a confused state `coz logically i feel he is not the wrong person but
if I have to by Islam I have to leave him `coz his birth was not in Islam on
which he had no say.
Beloved Sister, the entry into the fold of ‘Islam’ is not
at all restricted to those who are born of ‘muslim’ parents alone…..every
individual who wishes to accept the Truth, has the option to become a ‘muslim’,
regardless of the religion or belief of his parents!
A disbeliever is not a disbeliever because he is born of
‘non-muslim’ parents; but a disbeliever is a disbeliever because, of his own
free will and choice, he chose to worship or associate other things or beings
as his ‘god’ or ‘gods’ with his One and Only Creator!
Your Question: Even
if I decide to leave him, I cannot live with any other person again as I do not
want to do injustice to anybody else by having this person in my mind.
For a believing woman to chose to marry a disbeliever is
not even an option in Islam, if indeed she believes in Allah and His Day of
Accounting!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah
Ahzaab verse 36:
It does not behove a believing man and a
believing woman that when Allah and His Messenger have given their decision in
a matter, they should exercise an option
in that matter of theirs. For whoever
disobeys Allah and His Messenger, has
indeed strayed into manifest error.
Your Question: What
should I do now and why can`t I stay a spinster all my life?
The lawful options which you have left yourself are:
- Either
the disbelieving person you wish to marry sincerely accepts Islam as his
‘way of life’, and then you seek to marry him.
- If
the disbeliever brother refuses to accept ‘Islam’, then seek to marry a
believer who you are satisfied will fulfill both his due rights, to his
Creator as well as to the created.
- If
you cannot find one who satisfies that criteria, then you obviously have a
choice not to marry….for marriage is indeed not obligatory upon the
believers in Islam.
But my beloved sister, as your brothers and sincere
well-wishers in faith, we assure you in the Blessed Name of your Lord
Creator….to seek to marry one who disbelieves in Allah Subhanah and His
Messenger (saws) would be a crime beyond compare in the Sight of your Lord,
with Whom every individual has a Day of Reckoning in the Hereafter.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured
of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister