Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Question No. 9867 : I know a guy since 5 years and we want to get married. But the problem is when his dad performed Istikhara he got a negative result. The guy performed Istikhara himself but he didnt see anything. Similarly my elder sister performed Istikhara and again she saw a bad dream about me and my mother. We also asked 2 religious scholars to perform Istikhara for us and thay also said that marriage wont be successfull

I dont know what to do. We know each other very well. Is there anything we could do to get the postove response from Allah. we cant get married until we get the positive response from Allah but there is no hope since everyone is saying that results are not positive. Please tell what do we do to get married? 

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Answer:

Marriage and Istakhara

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

The Sunnah prayer and supplication of ‘Istakhara’ is no more than the belief, trust and humility an obedient slave puts before his Merciful Lord, imploring Him to guide him to a decision which would be good for him in his life of this world and the hereafter. Whenever the Messenger of Allah (saws) wanted to make an important decision in his life or had to chose between two or more good options, he would perform the prayer and supplicate the All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord with this beautiful supplication:

Translation of the supplication of Istakhara:

O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice) by virtue of Your knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your

great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are the Knower of hidden things O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me, make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.

Once one has performed the Sunnah prayer and supplication of Istakhara, one who sincerely believes and trusts the Wisdom and Knowledge of Allah finds comfort in the trust that he has left the affair in the Able Hands of The Lord of the Worlds, and is pleased and content with whatever transpires thereafter in his affairs.

I know a guy since 5 years and we want to get married. But the problem is when his dad performed Istikhara he got a negative result. The guy performed Istikhara himself but he didnt see anything. Similarly my elder sister performed Istikhara and again she saw a bad dream about me and my mother. We also asked 2 religious scholars to perform Istikhara for us and thay also said that marriage wont be successfull

Although one’s guardians and parents can perform ‘Istakhara’ for those in their care, it is best for the one who has to decide to perform the ‘Istakhara’ themselves. One should not make an important a decision as choosing a partner in marriage based on the dreams or visions of others, but rather carefully study and evaluate the prevalent conditions and choose the best available option. Allah is our witness, no religious scholar, no matter how pious or learned he may be, has the power to determine the future and declare whether something will be a success or a failure in the future!

Your Question: I dont know what to do.

Our humble advice to you sister would be that without making a firm decision, you yourself perform the Sunnah prayer of ‘Istakhara’ and humbly supplicate your Lord to guide you to the best decision. Then carefully evaluate and study the prevalent conditions of the choices available to you and act on the decision which best brings comfort to your heart. If the decision you have made is good for your future and Pleasing to Allah Subhanah, the matter will lead to a conclusion smoothly and every difficulty in the path will be erased with ease; when this happens, know for sure that this is a positive result of the ‘Istakhara’ guidance you had sought from your All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord,. If the decision you have made is not good for your future and displeasing to the Majestic Lord, the matter will never come to a conclusion and one difficulty after another will develop in its path; when this happens, know for sure that this is a negative result of the ‘Istakhara’ guidance you had sought from your Lord. Immediately drop this option, no matter how pleasing the option might seem to you and be content with the decision you have made, and keep your trust and belief in Allah to provide you with an alternative which is best for you and your future.

Your Question: Is there anything we could do to get the postove response from Allah. we cant get married until we get the positive response from Allah but there is no hope since everyone is saying that results are not positive. Please tell what do we do to get married? 

Beloved Sister in Islam, the whole meaning and wisdom behind the performance of ‘Istakhara’ is lost when one makes a decision himself and then does the ‘Istakhara’ as a formality to force a decision! The whole concept and wisdom behind the performance of ‘Istakhara’ is that an obedient slave when faced with more than one good option humbly seeks the guidance of his Lord; and with this act of his portrays that he has truly submitted his will to the Will of His Lord Most Gracious. Regardless of whether he gets a positive or negative response, the obedient slave immediately and willingly submits his will to the Will of His Lord, and is pleased and content with the guidance of his Lord Most Merciful.

If one chooses and pre-decides on the option that is most pleasing to him, and is not willing to take no for an answer, then the performance of ‘Istakhara’ is no more than a formality and truly a mockery of this great tool of seeking Divine Guidance!

Allah is our witness, the absolute best thing to do when choosing a suitor in marriage is to apply the ‘formula’ as given by the Messenger of Allah (saws):

When choosing a girl for marriage:

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."

When choosing a boy for marriage:

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth and extensive corruption.'

Allah is our witness sister, take the above advice of the Noble Messenger of Allah (saws) and apply the above ‘formula’ when choosing a suitor for marriage, and you will never ever be in loss.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan