Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

assalam alaikum
burhan bhai...i want to know everything about mehr...when it should be given and how much..i was told that the husband should give mehr the first night itself before touching the wife...but in my marriage,nothing like that happened...so my friends tell me that my marriage is null and void..as far as islam is considered..is it true.
plz reply asast as possible...as our marriage is breaking because of these arguments.thankyou hafiz
allah 

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Answer:

Concept of Mahr

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: i want to know everything about mehr...

Allah has commanded the believers and made it an obligatory condition of an Islamic marriage that the man pay (or make a solemn promise to pay) his bride an agreed and determined amount as a gift (mehr) at the time of their marriage.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 4: And give the women (on marriage) their dower as a free gift; but if they of their own good pleasure remit any part of it to you , take it and enjoy it with right good cheer.

This Mehr is a right of the wife, and she may spend it as she wills. It is impermissible for the husband to demand the mehr back or take it away from his wife after his marriage, even if he were to divorce her or marry again; but if of her own free will and good pleasure, the wife wishes to share the mehr amount with her husband, there is no harm.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 20-21:

20 But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another, even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower, take not the least bit of it back: would ye take it by slander and a manifest wrong?

21 And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other, and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?

Purpose of Mehr:

Every Law and Command of the Creator is full to the brim with wisdom, and so is the command and condition of paying the Mehr to the bride. There are many reasons, wisdoms, and benefits of this condition of Mehr for the woman, and in the protection of her rights.

The man who proposes is sincere and is willing to show his sincerity by paying an agreed amount as a gift to his bride.

If there was no condition of Mehr, the man has a chance to play abuse and marry the woman one day and divorce her the next after he has satisfied himself with her. By instituting Mehr, the man who intends to play abuse faces a substantial financial loss upon himself.

The woman leaves her surroundings and her family to go and live with her husband, and thus sacrifices a lot. This gift of Mehr is a little something that may lessen her feeling of loss.

The Mehr is basically for the protection of the woman and her rights, so that she has a substantial amount (according to her status) to herself, in case of any emergencies.

Islam is the code of life, whereby all the financial responsibilities are laid on the man in marriage. The Mehr is but a ‘token’ installment and a commitment the man shows regarding his responsibility.

The institution of Islamic Mehr elevates and honors the position of women, which may be compared to the ‘dahej’ or dowry system of the pagans whereby the woman and her family have to pay the man to marry her! Etc.

Your Question: when it should be given

Once the ‘mehr’ amount is mutually determined and agreed, it is better and purer for the man to pay his wife the amount immediately after their Nikaah. If the man, for a genuine reason, cannot afford to pay her immediately, and if his wife agrees, he may pay her at a later date or in installments.

The ‘Mehr’ amount shall be considered a debt upon the man until he fulfills this debt, or his wife, of her own free will, chooses to forgive him.

Your Question:……..and how much

The amount of Mehr is not fixed in Shariah. A rich man may offer according to his means and status and a poor man according to his means and status. The bride-to-be may accept the offer, or demand more according to her wish. It is something that is offered by the man according to his means and status, and accepted or rejected by the proposed bride if she wishes to do so.

Your Question: i was told that the husband should give mehr the first night itself before touching the wife

It would be considered a Sunnah and the most righteous and purest way if the man fulfilled his ‘mehr’ obligations to his wife immediately after the Nikaah. But if for a genuine reason, the man does not have the funds and his wife accepts, there is no harm if the man pays the ‘mehr’ amount to his wife at a later date or in installments.

Your Question: but in my marriage,nothing like that happened...so my friends tell me that my marriage is null and void..as far as islam is considered..is it true.
If the ‘mehr’ was mutually determined and agreed between your husband and you at the time of your ‘nikaah’, then in the sight of Shariah Law the obligatory condition of the determination of ‘mehr’ in an Islamic marriage was fulfilled. Provided all the other conditions of marriage were fulfilled, your marriage would be absolutely legal in the sight of Shariah.

If your husband has not paid you the ‘mehr’ determined at the time of your ‘nikaah’ with him, it is a debt upon him, and he must fulfill that payment to you in full; unless, of course, you, of your own free will and choice, choose to forgive all or a part of it. It is the responsibility of the husband to fulfill his ‘mehr’ obligations; and if for a genuine reason he cannot fulfill this debt, it is his responsibility to ask his wife to forgive him his ‘mehr’ debt in part or in full.

Your Question: plz reply asast as possible...as our marriage is breaking because of these arguments.

Beloved Sister in Islam, if the ‘mehr’ between your husband and you was mutually determined and agreed upon at the time of your nikaah, the marriage is absolutely legal in the sight of Shariah and Islamic Law.

Even if you don’t remember that the ‘mehr’ was determined or not, it is not conceivable that any ‘Qadi’ or ‘Shariah Judge’ would ever marry any amongst the believers without confirming the determination of ‘mehr’, as the determination of ‘mehr’ is an absolutely obligatory condition of marriage.

Thus if you were married through a proper channel of Islamic Nikaah, rest assured that your ‘mehr’ was determined and your marriage is absolutely legal and valid in the sight of Shariah and Allah Subhanah.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan