Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

AssalamoAlaikum Br. Burhan,

Recently I have asked about the right of a husband v. the right of her in-laws and you made it very clear as to whose right to follow for a wife. This is almost the same kind of question except instead of in-laws it is own parents v. husband. So, if the mother or her father says to her daughter to obey her/him rather than her husband according to your reply she should obey her husband. But the problem here is that the mother or father warns her daughter that Quran has given them more rights than her husband so follow them rather than her husband. The wife acutally follows her parents and she ask to show the verse or hadith that says otherwise.
2. This is a twist to the same question. If the parents want their son to divorce his wife for the simple reason of dislike for her behaviour what he should do. In other words what are the conditions under which a husband can divorse upon the instruction of his parents.

Jazakullah khairun,

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Obey parents or husband

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: The wife acutally follows her parents and she ask to show the verse or hadith that says otherwise.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient, and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard (their honor, their chastity, their husband’s property, etc.)

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3254 Narrated by Anas ibn Malik

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "When a woman observes the five times of prayer, fasts during Ramadan, preserves her chastity and obeys her husband, she may enter by any of the gates of Paradise she wishes."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (saws) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

Beloved brother in Islam, as much as the children in Islam are commanded to obey their parents and the wife in Islam is commanded to obey her husband, one should remember that under no circumstances is this command of obedience unconditional, for unconditional obedience is due to none save Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Al-Tirmidhi HadithHadith 3696 Narrated byAn-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

Thus if ones’ parents or one’s husband command their children or wife to do anything which involves the disobedience of the Creator, their command will not be obeyed. If ones’ parent or husband commands the children or wife to stop praying, or stop fasting, or remove the hijaab, or indulge in the haraam, or break blood relations, etc., these commands will not be obeyed as they involve the disobedience of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Your Question: This is a twist to the same question. If the parents want their son to divorce his wife for the simple reason of dislike for her behaviour what he should do. In other words what are the conditions under which a husband can divorse upon the instruction of his parents.

If the parents command their son to divorce his wife because of some reason or shortcoming in the religion of the wife, or the character of the wife, etc. then indeed the son should obey his parents and divorce his wife who is impious and immoral.

But if the reasons behind the parents command to their son to divorce his wife is based on frivolous worldly reasons like color, wealth, caste, sect, language, nationality, etc., then the command of the parents here will not be obeyed, and the son should politely refuse to divorce his wife. In such extreme situations when one is put in a situation where one has no choice but to disobey the unlawful commands of their parents, Islam guides that the son (or daughter) be extremely polite, tender, and gentle in their refusal of the unlawful command and with extreme patience and wisdom strive to explain their position to their parents in the best possible manner.

Under absolutely no circumstances would it be lawful for the off-spring who believes in Allah and the Last Day to rebuke, revile, argue, raise his voice, and dis-respect his parents in any way whatsoever.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan