Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Asalaam Aliekum Brother Burhan

My question relates to sin. My husband and I married over two years ago, I am a white british national and he is a Pakistani. At the time I thought he loved me, but less than one day after our marriage he went to sort out his immigratrion problems. He also kept me a secret from alll his friends and family for the first six months and continued to go out with his friends in the evenings. After I fell pregnant with our daughter he then went home for 8 weeks to Pakistan and unbeknown to me for 5 months he married another woman because his parents wanted to see him get married before they died. after his return he became agressive towards me and started beating me...I then found out the awful truth that he had taken another wife with out my consent and I wanted a divorce but he would and still will not. Some months before the birth of our daughter he started staying out till 4am, I later discovered that he was visiting a casino, he managed to lose over £20,000 in a year. My husband has never helped to pay household expenses and doesn`t support us in anyway, I have to provide everything. I also believe he has committed adultary but I have no proof apart from used condoms in our bedroom bin which I found after return home from hospital after giving birth and semen on his shirt and trousers on another occassion. He has also joined on-line dating and marriage sites and has been in contact with other women and then tells me that he is not looking for another wife.

So what is my question...? Well according to other messages I have read on this site, I think Islam would expect me to forgive him for all his sins. He wants our daughter to be raised has a good Muslim even though he can`t practice what he preaches...how should I cope with such a man? What is Islams view of such people? Will he burn in hell? 

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Answer:

Sister marriage problems

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 42 Surah Shuraa verses 36-43:

36 Whatever ye are given (in this world) is (but) a convenience of this Life: but that which is with Allah is better and more lasting: (it is) for those who believe and put their trust in their Lord;

37 Those who avoid the greater crimes and shameful deeds and when they are angry even then forgive;

38 Those who hearken to their Lord and establish regular prayer; who (conduct) their affairs by mutual Consultation; who spend out of what We bestow on them for Sustenance;

39 And those who when an oppressive wrong is inflicted on them (are not cowed but) help and defend themselves.

40 The recompense for an injury is an injury equal thereto (in degree): but if a person forgives and makes reconciliation, his reward is due from Allah: for (Allah) loveth not those who do wrong.

41 But indeed if any do help and defend themselves after a wrong (done) to them, against such there is no cause of blame.

42 The blame is only against those who oppress men with wrong-doing and insolently transgress beyond bounds through the land defying right and justice: for such there will be a Penalty grievous.

43 But indeed if any show patience and forgive that would truly be an exercise of courageous will and resolution in the conduct of affairs.

Your Question: Well according to other messages I have read on this site, I think Islam would expect me to forgive him for all his sins.

My dear and beloved Sister in Islam, indeed Islam guides man to forgive the sins of man who is seeking repentance and forgiveness for his mistakes; for that nurtures a merciful and benevolent family and society. Islam also guides its believers to overlook the faults and errors of others, just as they would like their Merciful Lord to overlook their own errors and short-comings.

Your Question: He wants our daughter to be raised has a good Muslim even though he can`t practice what he preaches...how should I cope with such a man? What is Islams view of such people?

It is indeed unfortunate that you found a husband who does not fear Allah Subhanah, and thus is neglectful of his duties as a husband and as a father. It would not be fair nor intelligent to see a person who claims to be a muslim and judge the values of Islam; but rather one should see and study the values of Islam and then judge the person who claims to be a muslim.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (said) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family.”

Sahih Muslim Hadith 2181 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Of the dinar you spend as a contribution in Allah's path, or to set free a slave, or as a charity given to a needy, or to support your family; the one yielding the greatest reward is that which you spend on your family.”

It is the duty and the responsibility of the husband to love, honor, respect, and cherish his wives and children; and amongst the biggest responsibility and obligatory duty of the man in Islam is that he is solely responsible to provide the finance for the running of the house. If the man has not fulfilled this prime obligation of financing the running of the house and his family, the wife is well within her rights to move the Shariah Courts, whereby the Shariah Judge will demand that the husband recompense the wife for every penny she has spent on the house and running the family!

Your Question: how should I cope with such a man?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 128-130:

128 If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part there is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable settlement between themselves; and such settlement is best; even though men's souls are swayed by greed. But if ye do good and practice self-restraint, Allah is well-acquainted with all that ye do.

129 Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a wife) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

130 But if they disagree (and must divorce), Allah will provide abundance for all from His All-Reaching Bounty: for Allah is He that Careth for all, and is Wise.

Beloved and dear Sister in Islam, the guidance of Allah in matters where the wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband’s part, is that the wife talks to her husband and tries to exhort him to fear Allah and the Day of Judgment, and arrange an amicable settlement between themselves that, in future, he will give his wife and his family all their due rights.

If the husband admits his past errors, and seeks the forgiveness of his wife and family and the forgiveness of Allah Subhanah, and promises to amend his future conduct; it would be considered righteousness on the part of the wife to save the marriage and give him another chance.

But if the husband is non-repentant on his past errors, and the wife fears that his cruelty and tyranny will continue or worsen in the future; she is well within her rights given to her by Allah to initiate a divorce proceedings against such an evil person.

Your Question: Will he burn in hell? 

The All-Knowing Lord Alone Knows for sure who amongst His creation will be blessed with His Mercy and Forgiveness, and who amongst them will deserve His Wrath and His Anger. It is not for us human beings to decide the future fate of what will happen to whom in the Hereafter on an individual basis!

But the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws) is very clear for those who commit sin by transgressing the bounds of Islam and usurping the rights of others! Every soul will get a full recompense for his deeds, whether they be good or evil, in the Presence of the All-Just, All-Knowing Lord on the Day of Judgment; and no one will be wronged in the least on that Inevitable Day.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 16 Surah Nahl verse 111:

111 One Day every soul will come up struggling for itself and every soul will be recompensed (fully) for all its actions, and none will be unjustly dealt with.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 120:

120 Eschew all sin open or secret: those who earn sin will get due recompense for their "earnings."

Sahih Al-Bukhari HadithHadith 3.629 Narrated byAbu Huraira

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds); but on that Day if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.628 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

The Prophet (saws) sent Mu'adh to Yemen and said, "Be afraid, from the curse of the oppressed, as there is no screen between their invocation and Allah."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6251 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: “Do you know who is a ‘complete pauper’?” They (the Companions of the Prophet) said: “A complete pauper amongst us is one who has neither dirham with him nor wealth.” He (the Prophet (saws)) said: “The pauper of my Ummah would be he who would come on the Day of Resurrection with prayers and fasts and Zakat but (he would find himself bankrupt on that day as he would have exhausted his funds of virtues) since he hurled abuses upon others, brought calumny against others, and unlawfully consumed the wealth of others, and shed the blood of others, and beat others, and his virtues would be credited to the account of one (who suffered at his hand). And if his good deeds fall short to clear the account, then their sins would be entered in (his account) and he would be thrown in the Hell-Fire.”

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan