Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

assalam alaikom!

I am a new muslim for a year already and used to be a missionary sister before.

Alhamdulillah, I am practicing muslimah now: dawah propagation and charity activities in our islamic community here.

Regarding marriage, i have the bet already and he is a good muslim man and sunnah follower. He proposed marriage to me but as a second wife...could you explain to me the goodness and advantages of being a second wife? what will be the best role of a second wife to his husband?
PLS. EXPLAIN TO ME ACCORDING TO THE QUR`AN AND SUNNAH.

ASSALAM ALIKOM!

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Answer:

Advantages of being a second wife

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May Allah Subhanah bless your reversion to Al-Islam, and give you and us all the courage and the wisdom to remain steadfast on this Truth until we all meet with our appointment of death. Ameen.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3 (part):If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice: two, or three, or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one

Islam has allowed the believing men to keep a maximum of four wives at any one time, on the condition that the man will treat all his wives with justice and equality in the things that are in his power and control, like his time, his wealth, gifts, etc. If the man fears that he might not be able to do justice between his wives, then he may marry only one. To practice polygamy upto a maximum of four wives at any one item is a permission and allowance to the believers from the Merciful Lord , and not a command.

Thus it is imperative that you satisfy yourself with the character of the man who has proposed to you; whether he will be able to do justice between his wives; whether he has enough finances to run two separate families, etc. If the man indeed fears Allah and the Last Day, and knows his duties and responsibilities to his wives according to Shariah; he would be a good choice. But if the man does not fulfill his role and responsibility according to Shariah, he will put not only himself but also his wives in a severe trial.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: “When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.”

Your Question: could you explain to me the goodness and advantages of being a second wife?

The truth is that obviously it is always best for the woman to be the first wife, and have the exclusive attention of the husband. Being the second wife is a compromise, not a first or best option. Rather than remaining unmarried and putting oneself in trial when one cannot find a good God-fearing man to make her his first wife; the best option left for her would be to become the second wife.

Your Question: what will be the best role of a second wife to his husband?

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34 (part):Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more (strength) than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard.

Whether the woman is the first or second wife, the duty and responsibility decreed on her by Allah Subhanah is that she be a source of comfort and happiness for her husband, so much so that the Messenger of Allah (saws) said that if the woman dies in a state where her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Paradise! The terms described by the All Wise Lord for a ‘Righteous’ woman is ‘devoutly obedient’ , and that she be the ‘guardian’ of the husbands honor, property, etc. in his absence.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: “If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.”

Choosing to be a second wife may put a few extra responsibilities on the second wife, knowing that her husband has probably spent the best years of his life with his first wife; probably has children from his first wife, etc. And the best role she can play which would win her the immediate respect and love of her husband would be that she is understanding, kind, and respects his first family. If she tries to compete, or constantly complain, or outdo the first wife, or is rude or hates his children from the first wife, etc. the husband will sense the friction and it would be a constant source of apprehension for him. It would be advisable for the second wife to try and form a cordial relationship with the first wife, and give her the respect that is due to her. That would pave the way for a peaceful life for all parties concerned.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan