Seek to marry with zani
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamu`alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh..
I have a problem, which i cant see the right way to solve it. I really, really hope that your side can help me, and advice on this matter.
Last two year, i have committed a major sins of getting myself into fornication (astaghfirullah..). It was my first time, and the guy was the only man that have ever touch me. The guy is from a pious family. But somehow, we fail to control our own nafs, and fall into such sin. He have promised that with that, he would not leave me as to protect my pride. We have repented from doing such act. On my side, there`s no way i can describe how regret and shameful i am for doing such thing. Last year, we broke up. He give a reason of not wanting to get involve into those kind of sins anymore. So i accepted as it is for the best. But two months after we broke up, he got into another relationship with another girl. I tried to talk to the girl, pleading her to consider my pride as another muslim woman just like her. But i was not entertained.
I ask the man to marry me, for his promise and also, i really can`t bare with the thought of being touched by another man. :`( But he refuse, with reason, that Allaah won`t bless us to be together any longer.
I was very dissapointed as his reason of not wanting to involve with sins, was continued with yet, another haraam relationship..
I would like to ask your side, with Islamic law and ways, what would be the best thing for me to do?
Should i try to arrange a meeting with his mother, and try to talk this matter with his mother? Can i do so? And with doing that, am i considered as opening other`s sin to other people?
p/s : just letting you know, that i have tried making the Salat Al-Istikharah for this matter. I have not dream anything. But somehow, despite everything that happen, and how he treat me, and knowing what`s going on between him and his new girl, my feelings for him grew stronger, without the needs of wanting to be with him (as in wanting him back in a couple). I ask Allaah in that prayer, to show me the right feeling and the right thing to prays (to pray that Allaah make him happy with his new girl, or to pray for him to realise things. prayed such thing because i was too confuse).
Please, please help me..I pray that Allaah will give you much goodness in this life and the Hereafter for helping people.. Thank you so much in advance.
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Seek to marry with zani
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: I would like to ask your side, with Islamic law and ways, what would be the best thing for me to do?
From your statements sister, it is clear that although you might have committed the heinous sin of zina in your ignorance, you have subsequently sought sincere repentance for your sin from your Lord Most Gracious.
It is also obvious that the person with whom you committed zina is a serial and unrepentant sinner, and he simply used you to further his evil desire and goal. The sooner you realize your error and his character, the better it would be for you.
If the person you committed fornication with is neither repentant for his heinous and grave crime, nor has he sought forgiveness for his crime from his Lord.but furthermore he is out hunting again.respected sister, it is time you took your losses and moved on with your life.
As grave and as heinous the sin of fornication is in the Sight of your Lord, rest absolutely assured sister, that your sincere repentance is enough to completely wipe out your sin from your Book of Records with your Lord Most Gracious.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 24 Surah Nur verses 2-5:
2 The woman and the man guilty of zina (fornication) flog each of them with a hundred stripes: let not compassion move you in their case in a matter prescribed by Allah, if ye believe in Allah and the Last Day: and let a party of the believers witness their punishment.
3 Let no man guilty of zina marry any but a woman similarly guilty or an unbeliever, nor let any but such a man or an unbeliever marry such a woman: to the believers such a thing is forbidden.
4 And those who launch a charge against chaste women and produce not four witnesses (to support their allegation) flog them with eighty stripes: and reject their evidence ever after: for such men are wicked transgressors
5 Unless they repent thereafter and mend (their conduct): for Allah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful.
It is not permissible in Islam for a believer to knowingly seek in marriage an immoral and impious woman who has been convicted or has confessed committing zina; nor is it permissible for a believing woman to knowingly agree to marry an immoral and impious man who has been convicted or has confessed committing zina, unless of course the person guilty of zina repents and amends his/her conduct, for Allah is indeed Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
The prohibition to marry is only for those adulterous men and women who do not repent for their abomination of zina, nor amend their conduct; but wish to continue their immoral activities without fear of Allah and the Last Day; it is to such manifest transgressors and evildoers that Islam has absolutely forbidden the believers to seek in marriage.
If, as you have found out, the person whom you so love and seek to marry is neither sorry nor repentant as to the commission of his heinous crime.so much so that he is involved in another illicit and illegal relationship, it would not at all be lawful for you to seek to marry such an evil and impious person.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,