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IF his and my parents refuse for the marriage, do u think we would be wrong Islamically to marry each other?

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

 

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear Brother,

 

Assalamualeikum,

I am a divorcee with a child... my ex-husband has left us for good, promising never to see us or interfere in our lives, or spend anything out of his wealth for me or my child.

 

Before this failed marriage, I had got a proposal from a person, but my parents turned it down because his mother had refused to allow for the marriage. But I liked him very much and he liked me too. Now that he came to know of my divorce, he has once again proposed for marriage with me and has promised to accept the responsibility of my child and me and to keep us happy forever, Inshallah.

 

Though my parents have initially agreed yet they want him to get approval from his mother.

I have a strong liking for him and wish to get married to him.. I have performed Istekhara many a times and to my knowledge, till date, my heart has accepted him even more than before and even the circumstances have been positively in his favour, according to me.

 

I pray 2 rakahs after every namaz to seek Allah`s guidance... Allahmdulillah, my heart is confident that he will keep me and my child happy. Though I am worried about his family as they have decided not to accept me and my child.

 

My parents, also of late have been saying that he is not suitable for me....

 

IF his and my parents refuse for the marriage, do u think we would be wrong Islamically to marry each other?

 

Though I feel he is good, my parents suggest he is not so good for me, should I take my parents suggestion as the result of the istekhara or what my heart says as the result?

 

I know this person is not very religious, and he has been very frank about it. He doesnt hide anything about himself and his deen and is honest to me. Though he is a HAJi, yet he says he has not been very regular about namaz/fasting. But he has assured me that once we get married Inshallah, he will start all the rituals and become more religious.

 

Do you think, a person who is not very religious at present, will not change in future? Do you think that just becoz he is not that religious now, I should drop the idea of marrying him, even if after the istekhara, I have had a positive feeling for him ?

 

Pls guide me, Jazakallah Khair

 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)


 

Answer:

 

Marry impious person

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

 

Your Question: IF his and my parents refuse for the marriage, do u think we would be wrong Islamically to marry each other?

Dear and beloved sister in Islam, if you can convince your parents to approve and give their consent, then indeed marry the man of your choice; but if you are unable to obtain the consent of your parents to marry that particular man, marry another man whom both you and your parents approve ofbut whatever the case, do not disobey your parents, for marriage is but a voluntary act in Islam, but to obey the lawful commands of ones parents is an absolutely obligatory duty of every believer who sincerely believes in Allah and the Last Day.

 

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws) what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise and your Hell!"

 

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the Grave Sins, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--

(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,

(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,

(3) To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill)

(4) And to give a false witness."

 

Second only to the absolute gravest sin and abomination of shirk (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to ones parents!

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda

When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."

 

Your Question: I know this person is not very religious, and he has been very frank about it. He doesnt hide anything about himself and his deen and is honest to me. Though he is a HAJi, yet he says he has not been very regular about namaz/fasting.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

 

Provided the person is a muslim and eligible for marriage, the marriage itself will be legal and valid in the Sight of Shariah Law.

 

The Messenger of Allah (saws) guided and advised the believing woman to seek in marriage someone with whose character and practice of religion one is satisfied with. As much as you maybe satisfied with the character of the suitor, it would only be prudent to satisfy yourself completely with his practice in religion before you commit yourself to the sacred bond of marriage with the person.

 

Your Question: Do you think, a person who is not very religious at present, will not change in future?

Emaan, faith, belief and religion is a condition of ones heart, and the conditions of anothers heart is known to none save Allah Subhanah. Beloved Sister, it is possible that one who is very religious today may turn an apostate tomorrow; and one who is a weak muslim today may become a very strong muslim tomorrow!

 

Your Question: Do you think that just becoz he is not that religious now, I should drop the idea of marrying him, even if after the istekhara, I have had a positive feeling for him ?

Beloved Sister, although we always strive to abstain from giving our opinions on this forum, since you have specifically asked for our humble opinion on this matter.as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our humble advise to you would be to not accept this particular proposal unless and until two criteria are satisfactorily honored:

  1. You obtain the consent and approval of your parents to the marriage,
  2. and most importantly, you are completely satisfied with the practice of his religion.

 

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

 

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

 

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

 

 

Burhan


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