Husband marries again
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
As salam alaikum wa rehmatuallahi wa barkat.
I have many question pertaining to 1 problem for which i have to tell u the whole situation. please guide me.
I know my husband since 10yrs and we married since 5yrs we have 1 son. but 1 fine day i came to know that my husband is seeing someone else. And he told me it was my fault i was not satisfying him. He also said that it as alright till the time we were engaged for 5yrs everything changed after we got married. i except that it was my fault since i use to avoid making love with him, b`cos he use to come late in the night and use to drink aswell, i use to feel angry and didnt feel like doing so, and i never knew it was a sin. now he is on din and prays 5 times a day masha allah.
he promised me that he will leave that girl just that they need some time. from then i never stopped him from making love. but being a girl and feel little shy i never approached from front that i need to make love. now I came to know that he got married to her and again he put the blame on me that I after came to know about his affair i never tried to get him or win him back (haasil karne ki koshish nahin ki) which is wrong. now he tells me that he does not want to take seperation from me. but i asked him wat if would have betrayed your trust and have an affair with someone else, he said if you like somebody i will get you married which was not my question. i felt as if it does not make any difference if leave him he is attached to me because of our 3 and half year old son. he says i dont want to propogate my second marriage. nobody in his family except me knows that he is married.
But i feel very depressed and betrayed sometime i feel like committing sucide. i want to leave him but i love him and think about my son i cannot make a decision. I but i cannot think of sharing my family my love with anyone.
I had also asked him to buy me a seperate house since we are in the joint family he simply told me that he cannot leave his parents. but i told him that where are you,like you are not there the whole day u come back late in the night. u never remove time for us, not single day u take an off. i m the one who have to bare with them. i dont want to say anything good or bad about them just that i find it difficult to live with them.I am a kind of person who never back answer any one, and keep sulking. i am going in deep depresion please answer all my queries. i need help. and allahs blessing.
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
The All-Wise All Knowing Lord of the Worlds has permitted the believing men to marry upto a maximum of four wives, if they choose to do so.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 3:
3 If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one or one that your right hands possess. That will be more suitable to prevent you from doing injustice.
Beloved Sister in Islam, if one amongst the believers has chosen to exercise the option of marrying again, he is well within his rights in Islam to opt to do so.
As believers in Allah and the Last Day, we are bound by our covenant to submit our will to the Will of Allah Subhanah for the Rewards He has promised in the eternal life of our Hereafter. Your husband has done what he has done, and nothing can change the truth that he has legally exercised his option to marry more than wife.
The Lord Who created also created the distinct nature of the man and the woman; and it is in the polygamous nature of man that he is able to love and honor more than one wife. It is only natural for the first wife to feel upset at the thought of sharing her husband with another woman; but we assure you sister, this feeling is only temporary and once you bring yourself to accept the situation, the feelings that you have now will disappear, Insha Allah.
If you cannot bring yourself to accept the situation that your husband has married again, you are well within your rights in Islam to ask him to divorce you; and if for any reason he does not wish to grant you a divorce, you could move the Shariah Court and initiate a divorce proceeding. We strongly recommend that you do not exercise your divorce option, especially if you feel that your husband is not negligent in doing justice between his wives and treats both of them with equality.
Islam has granted the first wife an option to initiate a divorce proceeding against her husband if he takes a second wife, and there would be no sin upon her. But under no circumstances can either of the wives coerce the husband to seek divorce from the other wife; such an act, whether secret or open, would indeed be a grave sin in the sight of Allah Subhanah.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.598 Narrated by Abu Huraira
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "No woman should ask for the divorce of her sister (muslim) so as to take her place, but she should marry the man (without compelling him to divorce his other wife), for she will have nothing but what Allah has written for her."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.884 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A Muslim woman shall not try to bring about the divorce of her sister (i.e. another Muslim woman) in order to take her place herself."
Your Statement: he says i dont want to propogate my second marriage. nobody in his family except me knows that he is married.
To marry a woman in secret is to dishonor the rights of the woman! A marriage in Islam is not a secret or illicit affair or relationship, but rather it is a sacred bond and covenant between a man and a woman to love, honor, and cherish one another for life under the guidance of Allah. Islam absolutely prohibits that a marriage be kept a secret from society as it has repercussions in future dealings like children, inheritance, rights, etc.; thus Islam recommends that immediately after the marriage the husband offer a walima feast amongst the believers in society to announce his honorable marriage to all in the society he resides.
Your Statement: I had also asked him to buy me a seperate house since we are in the joint family he simply told me that he cannot leave his parents.
The wife is well within the rights given to her in Islam to ask her husband to provide her a separate dwelling or house, and if the husband has the means it is amongst his duties and responsibilities as a believer to accede to her demand.
It is indeed considered a honorable deed in Islam that the husband wishes to serve his parents and does not wish to live separate from them; but providing a house for the wife does not mean that the husband has to live with the wife. It is the responsibility of every son to balance giving his due rights to his parents with the rights due to his wife, without compromising the rights of either in the least.
The wife has a right in Islam to demand her husband provide a separate house for her if she wishes to do so; but she does not have a right to demand that her husband live in that house with her.
In conclusion, when a husband wishes to exercise his right in Islam to take another wife, the first wife has only the following two legal options:
Accept the situation that the husband has chosen to exercise his right to marry again with patience, and expect the reward for her patience and acceptance from Allah Subhanah on the Day of Judgment.
If the first wife is unable to bring herself to accept the situation, she is well within her rights to initiate a divorce against her husband; and there will be no sin upon her.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,