Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I am married for over 5 years, but have been in and out of relationship with my spouse. We have yet not been divorced...but kind of seperated for over 2 yrs now.

My question is some told me that if you don`t have sexual relationship for 3 months the Nikkah is over, is that true. So then we should divorce or not. Please inform.

Thank You,

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Separate with wife for 2 years

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: My question is some told me that if you don`t have sexual relationship for 3 months the Nikkah is over, is that true.

Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, unless and until the husband himself pronounces divorce upon his wife, or the wife initiates a divorce proceedings in a Shariah Court and the presiding Judge declares divorce between the husband and the wife, the couple will not be deemed divorced in the Sight of Shariah Law and of Allah Subhanah

Not conjugating between a husband and a wife for 3 months or even a whole lifetime by itself does not constitute a divorce in the Sight of Shariah Law; what constitutes a divorce in Shariah Law is the declaration of divorce by the husband upon his wife, or the declaration of divorce by a presiding Judge of the Shariah Court when the divorce is initiated by the wife in court.

Your Question: So then we should divorce or not.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the lawful acts’ the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did not make anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’

As detestable and abominable is the act of divorce in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, Islam recognizes that at times two people who at one time decided to spend their lives together in the sacred bond of marriage, may not be compatible with each other and wish to free themselves from the bond of marriage and live their lives apart.

If there is any chance of a reconciliation, then the husband, the wife, their families and loved ones should strive to advice them to remain united and honor their bond of marriage; but if there is absolutely no compatibility and no chance of reconciliation, and there is absolutely no other option other than to separate; rather than simply separate and leave each other in a ‘hanging’ state where one is neither married nor divorced, then it would only be righteousness to pronounce a divorce and let each go their separate ways.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verses 19-21:

19 O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness that ye may take away part of the dower ye have given them except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing and Allah brings about through it a great deal of good.

20 But if ye decide to take one wife in place of another even if ye had given the latter a whole treasure for dower take not the least bit of it back: would ye take it by slander and a manifest wrong?

21 And how could ye take it when ye have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?

Islam guides that just as the couple at one time decided to unite in the sacred bond of marriage with love, mercy, compassion, generosity, and kindness…if at all circumstances dictate that they should separate through divorce, they should fear Allah and separate with justice, mercy, compassion, generosity and kindness and without an iota of slander, or accusations, or wrong-doings.

If the husband is the one who pronounces the divorce, it is not lawful in Islam for the husband to take back the mehr or any other gifts he might have given to his wife during their marriage.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan