I am a little confused about my husbands attitude towards his family .
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Asalam O alaikum
I am a little confused about my husbands attitude towards his family .He is
Alhamdullilah in a Islamic jamat. I knew what they are doing is right but he
has gone so far with them that he has hardly time left for his family . When i
ask him or demands his time he says he has to do alot and he has understood the
meaning why we are here in this world and see whats going on around us with
muslims and he cant just go on and see. ne wayz i totally agree with him but my
point is to do adal between all sometime he is out on shabbasrees sumtimes he
has gone out of city for weeks but till now not more than a week but even when
he is here he works half day to earn money than to jamaat office by the time he
is back home its 9 or 10 and hardly he has energy to talk.with three kids and
no husbands help i am getting frustrated and i am loosing all my sincerity
towards him and i am loosing my taqwa my eeman there is no khushu is my prayers
and i feel with his attitude he is earning junnah and iam earning instead of
janaah i am going towards hell...Astaghfirullah....i wanted to know is am i
right in my demand?is he doing right towards his family?....please guide me in
this matter Jazak Allah e khairan
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions,
comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Balance of rights
due
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Abu Salama ibn Abdurrahman reported from
Abdullah ibn 'Amr that the Prophet (saws) said to him: 'I have been informed
that you stay up in prayer during the night and fast during the day. Abdullah answered: "Yes, O Messenger of
Allah (saws)." The Prophet (saws) said: "Fast and do not fast, pray
and sleep, for your body, your wife, and your guests have a right upon
you. It is sufficient for you to fast three days a month."
Abdullah said: "I wanted to be stricter on myself and I said: "O
Messenger of Allah (saws), I have the strength to do more." The Prophet
(saws) said: "Then fast three days a week." Abdullah said: "I
have the strength to do more!" The Prophet (saws) said: "Fast the
fast of the Prophet Dawood (a.s.) and do not do more than that!" 'Abdullah
inquired: "And what was the fast of Prophet Dawood (a.s.)?" The
Prophet (saws) replied: "He (Dawood (a.s.)) would fast one day and then
not fast the next, and there is no better fasting than that."
Related by Ahmad.
Abu Juhaifah said: "The Prophet (saws)
established the bond of brotherhood between Salman al-Farsi and Abu
ad-Darda. Once, Salman visited Abu
ad-Darda and saw Umm ad-Darda (wife of Adu ad-Darda) wearing very plain
clothes. He said to her: 'What's happening to you?' She said: 'Your brother,
Abu ad-Darda, has no need in this world.' When Abu ad Darda came, he prepared
some food for Salman and said: 'Eat, for I am fasting.' Salman said: 'I shall not eat until you eat.'
So he ate. When it was night, Abu ad-Darda got up to pray and Salman said,
'Sleep,' and he did so. Toward the end of the night Salman woke Abu ad-Darda
and said, Pray now.' And they prayed. Salman told him: 'Your Lord has a
right upon you, you have a right upon yourself, and so does your wife. Give
each one its due right.' Abu adDarda went to the Prophet (saws) and
told him what Salman had said. The Prophet (saws) said: 'Salman has said the
truth.'"
Related by al-Bukhari and at-Tirmidhi.
A believer has several duties and responsibilities laid
upon them in Islam…first and foremost are their duties and rights unto their
Lord Creator, then due rights unto his parents, then unto his wife, children,
family, relatives, neighbors, etc. Piety
and virtue in the Sight of the Lord would be to fulfill and balance the rights
of each, without effecting or usurping the rights of the other. If one is so engrossed in fulfilling the
rights of any one party, that the rights of the other party are usurped….one
will indeed be held accountable for their injustice and negligence in the
Presence of their Lord Most Majestic on the Day of Judgment.
Beloved Sister in Islam, under the conditions listed by
you, you have basically three lawful options in Shariah:
- With
extreme patience and above all wisdom, talk to your husband and make it
known to him politely but firmly that you believe that yours and your
children’s lawful rights are being usurped by his constant absence….and
remind him to fear Allah and fulfill their due and lawful rights.
- If
there is no improvement in your condition, and you could bring yourself to
bear the condition you find yourself in with patience, in the ardent hope
that you will have your full reward and retribution in the Presence of
your Lord.
- If
you cannot bring yourself to bear the state you find yourself in, you are
well within your rights in Islam to initiate a divorce proceeding against
your husband.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister