Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I have seen many of your responses on questions raised by various people and I do realize that the essence of your replies are very much effective in life always. So I would like to put down here some of my doubts which I seek your kind advise:

I am Jamal 45 years old, Indian National, working in an International company in Saudi. My wife died in 2002 after she was suffering from brain tumor and was bedridden for three years. She left two children one boy about 12 years and younger one is a Girl of 9 years. After my wife’s death I got married with another woman in my area, whose first husband was died on sudden heart attack. She doesn’t have children in her previous marriage. She lived with him about 10 years. Now my new wife and children are residing with me in Saudi.

In this regard, I would like to know what is the position of a woman in Islam, who enters in a second marriage with regards to her relationship with her previous husband’s parents, sisters and brothers. Because my new wife likes to keep her relationship and contacts with her previous husband’s people often and she always keeps remembering and personally memorizing/observing his (previous husband) death annualsaries by reading Qur aan, salats and Dikrs etc on that days. Moreover she often talks to me about her life with him.

Is it permissible to a woman who talks about her Ex- husband and about his families to the new husband, as if she considers she is still a part of that family…Once the death is happened and marry another man, is she still have relation with Ex husband ?

What is Islamic view on this subject. Can I allow her to go her previous husbands house or should I ask her to break that relationships…

Likewise, as I mentioned above, I have two kids in my previous wife and no children in the present one. Since my Ex wife passed away in a normal death, and her parents are alive I should go to see her mother, father, brothers and sisters. And as well, they are my children’s grand mother and father and uncles and aunts and I have to take my kids to see them oftently.

So what should be my stand on that relationship. I believe I should keep that relationship at least for the sake of my children’s future.

What I want to know clearly is that in islam, to what extend myself and my new wife’s can keep our previous better halfs’s relationship ?

I believe, even after death Ex wife has place in my life as she died normally and not divorced. What about my new wife, is her situation same similar to my case . Please explain ? My wife some times says to me that I am still keeping touch with my Ex-wife house and why not she should ?

So I hope the above question is clear and I am awaiting for your kind and swift reply with a clear stand on Quranic view.

ASSALAMU ALAIKUM

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Answer:

Wife relations with ex husbands family

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 25 Surah Furqan verse 54:

54 It is He (Allah) Who has created man from water: then has He established relationships of blood and of marriage: for thy Lord has power (over all things).

One amongst the innumerable favors and mercies of the Lord Most Gracious is that He has bestowed two types of relations for mankind:

1. Relationships through blood or lineage
2. Relationships through the sacred bond of marriage.

Just because one who is related by blood or by marriage has died, Islam guides that the relations built through that bond do not and should not be broken.

Such was the deep-rooted love and respect the Prophet (saws) held for his first wife Hadrat Khadijah (r.a.), that even after her death he (saws) maintained cordial relations with her family, and would often send gifts to her friends.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.33 Narrated by Aisha

I (Hadrat Aisha (r.a.)) never felt so jealous of any woman as I did of Khadijah, though she had died three years before the Prophet (saws) married me, and that was because I heard him (saws) mentioning her too often, and because his Lord had ordered him to give her the glad tidings that she would have a palace in Paradise made of Qasab, and because he (saws) used to slaughter a sheep and distribute its meat among her (Hadrat Khadijah’s) friends.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 5.166 Narrated by Aisha

I did not feel jealous of any of the wives of the Prophet as much as I did of Khadija though I did not see her, but the Prophet used to mention her very often, and when ever he slaughtered a sheep, he would cut its parts and send them to the women friends of Khadija. When I sometimes said to him, "(You treat Khadija in such a way) as if there is no woman on earth except Khadija," he (saws) would say, "Khadija was such-and-such, and from her I had children."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 5.168 Narrated by Abu Huraira

Narrated 'Aisha: ‘Once Hala bint Khuwailid, Khadija's sister, asked the permission of the Prophet (saws) to enter. On that, the Prophet (saws) remembered the way Khadija used to ask his permission, and that upset him. He (saws) said, "O Allah! Hala!" So I became jealous and said, "What makes you remember an old woman (Hadrat Khadijah) amongst the old women of Quraish, an old woman (with a teethless mouth) of red gums who died long ago, and in whose place Allah has given you somebody better than her?"

Your Question: I would like to know what is the position of a woman in Islam, who enters in a second marriage with regards to her relationship with her previous husband’s parents, sisters and brothers.

Islam absolutely encourages that bonds and relations be honored and respected; and there is absolutely no harm if a woman whose husband has died wishes to keep cordial relationships with the family of her deceased husband.

Your Question: Because my new wife likes to keep her relationship and contacts with her previous husband’s people often and she always keeps remembering and personally memorizing/observing his (previous husband) death annualsaries by reading Qur aan, salats and Dikrs etc on that days. Moreover she often talks to me about her life with him.

Beloved brother, when one has been blessed to spend a portion of their life in the sacred bond of marriage with someone, it is only natural that even after their death, one would often remember their times together. Thus there is absolutely no harm if a widow at times remembers her deceased husband herself, but she should be careful that her remembrance of her deceased husband should not in any way be allowed to effect her relationship with her new husband.

Although it is not the topic of discussion here, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith it is our duty to remind you that observing any rites or rituals on the death anniversary of one’s loved ones is against the guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Your Question: Is it permissible to a woman who talks about her Ex- husband and about his families to the new husband, as if she considers she is still a part of that family…Once the death is happened and marry another man, is she still have relation with Ex husband ?

It is only natural and there is absolutely no harm or sin if a widow remembers personally her deceased husband or her ex-in-laws, but she should use wisdom and prudence when talking or mentioning her life with her deceased husband to her new husband, especially if she gets a feeling that the new husband is not at all comfortable with her remembering her deceased husband with him.

Your Question: What is Islamic view on this subject. Can I allow her to go her previous husbands house or should I ask her to break that relationships…

Beloved brother, it would only be righteousness that you allow and permit your wife to keep cordial relations with her deceased husband’s family, if she wishes to do so. The family members of her deceased husband were an important part of her life, and if your wife occasionally wishes to call them or visit them, there is absolutely no harm.

Your Question: Since my Ex wife passed away in a normal death, and her parents are alive I should go to see her mother, father, brothers and sisters. And as well, they are my children’s grand mother and father and uncles and aunts and I have to take my kids to see them oftently.
So what should be my stand on that relationship. I believe I should keep that relationship at least for the sake of my children’s future.

Beloved brother, it would only be righteousness and closer to piety that you keep good cordial relations with the family of your deceased wife….and because your children are directly related by blood to them, you should make it a point to strive to at least develop your children’s relations with their grant parents and uncles and aunts and allow your children to visit them as often as possible.

Your Question: I believe, even after death Ex wife has place in my life as she died normally and not divorced. What about my new wife, is her situation same similar to my case . Please explain ? My wife some times says to me that I am still keeping touch with my Ex-wife house and why not she should

Islam guides and encourages that both the man or the woman whose spouses have passed away must strive to keep at least good cordial relations with the family and friends of their deceased spouse.

Neither the new husband should restrict his wife in maintaining good cordial relations with the family of her deceased husband, nor should the new wife restrict or do anything which would jeopardize her husband keeping good cordial relations with the family of his deceased wife. Both of them should fear Allah and allow and encourage each other to maintain their relations; and both should be prudent, wise, and careful not to allow the maintenance of their old relationships to effect their new relations.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan