Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamualaikum w.r.w.b.,

Subhan Allah! I really appreciate the way u explain the various issues with the help of Quran and the hadith. Now I have a fear of losing this excellent source of knowledge. May Allah bless you with more knowledge and sensibility to spread ur knowledge to all the brothers and sisters in Islam...Ameen.

I was engaged to marry my cousin about 9 months back. We didn`t meet eachother for the last 15 yrs. Now I am 22. I started to talk to her since we got engaged and gradually the phone calls became very frequent and then on a daily basis though we r miles apart. So I want to ask u, if it is permitted to talk to ur fiancee` for hours on phone? If yes, what r the limits to be observed by both of them? And my one more question is, I am still studying, doing my education overseas. The girl`s family and also the girl want to hurry up for our marriage....may be in 6-7 months time. But I feel, I am not still mature enough mentally to take up the responsibility of my wife and children as I am not employed yet. The reason for the girl`s family hurrying up for marriage is that they r 7 sisters altogether and her father wants to get rid of his responsiiblity as soon as possible. Now, Is it allowed in Islam, to have just Nikaah with my fiancee and not the actual marriage where the husband and wife have conjugal relationship? I just want to ease up my father-in-laws duties by performing nikaah with his eldest daughter, and let him go ahead with his other daughters. Or, I have another option. That is, to marry her and also live together but do not conceive a child as I believe I am not mature enough to handle a family. I know, its the Allah s.w.t. who provides the sustenance to all the humanity living in both the worlds but my reason to avoid children is, my mentally immaturity and also to some extent, financial unstablility. I love my fiancee very much and want to fulfill all her and my family`s desire and keep them happy alwayz.

Please guide me what to do. Hope this is not too complex for u.

Jazakamullah Khair. 

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Answer:

Fiance and nikaah

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.

Your Question: So I want to ask u, if it is permitted to talk to ur fiancee` for hours on phone? If yes, what r the limits to be observed by both of them?

Engagements to marry have absolutely no legal basis in Shariah Law, thus as long as the couple who intend are not married they remain non-mehrams to each other and all the restrictions that apply to two non-mehrams of the opposite sex apply to them in full.

There is absolutely no harm if the two people who are engaged to marry wish to meet or talk, provided the girl is accompanied by her mehram guardian like father, uncle, brother, etc.

The couple should fear Allah and strive to live within the boundaries of Islam and absolutely abstain from meeting or talking to each other in private.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated by Umar ibn al-Khattab

The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man is alone with a (non-mehram)woman, the Shaytaan makes a third."

Your Question: Now, Is it allowed in Islam, to have just Nikaah with my fiancee and not the actual marriage where the husband and wife have conjugal relationship?

Islam absolutely permits and encourages that two people who intend to marry should perform the ‘nikaah’ marriage; and if due to circumstances they both agree to perform the ‘rukhsati’ and live together at a later date, there is absolutely no harm. The ‘nikaah’ would make the two of you absolutely lawful to each other and you may meet, talk, and do everything a married couple do.

The best evidence for the above allowance is in the example of the Messenger of Allah (saws). The time difference between the ‘nikaah’ and the ‘rukhsati’ of the marriage between the Prophet (saws) and his beloved wife Aisha was almost three years.

Your Question: Or, I have another option. That is, to marry her and also live together but do not conceive a child as I believe I am not mature enough to handle a family.

Beloved brother in Islam, to raise and handle a family is not something one experiences beforehand, but is something one learns ‘on-the-job’ so to speak! As long as you are of marriageable age, the last thing you need to worry about is maturity, as this is a natural instinct of man and when one is faced with the responsibility, the natural instinct of man rises with the occasion.

Anyways, both the options that you have put forth are lawful and permissible in Islam, and you may choose any which one is suitable and comfortable for you and your family.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan