Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamualikum

Dear Brother,

I have found my self in a situation that many of the youths of today constatnly find them selves in.. love before marriage..

I am 21 years old from london, I try to follow the quran best I can.. but recently I started to talk on phone to a girl I never met. Someone saved her number on my phone as a questionmark, perhaps it was one of my collegues when I was at university.. I called to find out who it was, only to find that it was a girl who lives in the next city to me... I done wrong.. i should have apologised and put the phone down when my curisiouty was fulfuilled..

I have been chatting to her for hours on end for the past 3 months.. we do not talk anything indecent, nothing that will tact our modesty as muslims, just general conversation,., which i know is still wrong. knowing its wrong.. we tried to stop talking to each other but failed as we cant go a day with out talking to each other..

she is the first thing on my mind when i wake up with the sunrise and the last thing on my mind before I sleep...I have fallen madly in love with her.. and she with me.. We both want to meet just once before deciding on marriage.. to enable us to get to know each other `real life` but we are scared that this might make us small in Allahs eyes and we will be punished for meeting each other. Please tell me as soon as possible is it wrong to meet her? If so what should we do as we really cant live without each other..

May Allah forgive us.

May Allah reward you for the work you are doing brother.

Allah Hafiz. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Can one meet before marriage?

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Beloved and dear Brother in Islam, Allah and His Messenger have made it absolutely impermissible for a man to have any relationship, or talk vain talk, or form an illicit relationship with a non-mehram woman. If you indeed fear Allah and the Last Day, you must immediately stop this relationship, and seek sincere forgiveness from Allah Subhanah.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

There is absolutely no harm if one is attracted to a non-mehram believing woman, as this is a natural phenomena; but the one who is blessed with the guidance of Islam acts righteously and differently than the ones who do not fear Allah! The righteous thing to do is either talk to the girl’s father or brother or any male mehram guardian of the girl, and in an honest and straight-forward manner request them that you seek to marry the girl. Alternatively, you could talk to your parents or guardians and tell them to talk to the girls parents and seek her hand in marriage. That would be considered a deed of righteousness in the sight of Allah Subhanah.

Beloved and dear Brother in Islam, we urge you to fear Allah Subhanah and treat the girl and her family with the same respect as you would expect to be treated by the man who wished to seek the hand of your daughter or your sister in marriage. If you could just for a moment think how you would feel if your own daughter or sister formed an illicit romantic relationship with a man; you would be able to realize and comprehend how the girl’s father and brothers would feel for their daughter or sister and her honor if you formed a relationship with her. Therefore my beloved brother, fear Allah and do the righteous thing, and seek the blessing and reward of Allah Subhanah.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan