Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Dear brother,

It is really a great  feeling receiving some enlightend message from you.Still my some questions remained unanswered. I asked about the psychological condition of the first wife(if she loves her husband ,and don’t want to share her emotional feelings.And even her husband used to love her at the beginning but later he lost his interests and vowed to marry again by betraying the first one.It is ok that a believer can marry end number of times in his life and can keep 4 wives at one time.Well, is it feasible to share his emotion exacly the same with eveyone???????????

PLease for the Allah sake answer my questions.

Khudahafiz.

Your distressed sister .

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Emotions of First Wife when Husband brings another

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: Well, is it feasible to share his emotion exacly the same with eveyone???????????

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 129: Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: but turn not away (from a woman) altogether so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding and practice self-restraint, Allah is Oft-Forgiving Most Merciful.

Your question is answered directly from the words of wisdom of Allah Subhanah from the Holy Quran. Allah Subhanah declares that is almost impossible for a man to be absolutely fair and just between his wives, even if one ardently tries to do so. Therefore, Allah has commanded the believers to be as fair and just as they possibly can between their wives; and never to leave one of them hanging in suspence; giving all his attention to one amongst his wives! The Messenger of Allah (saws) warned the husbands who incline completely towards one wife with a severe punishment from Allah Subhanah, on the Day of Judgment.

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2128 Narrated by AbuHurayrah

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said: When a man has two wives and he is inclined to one of them, he will come on the Day of resurrection with a side hanging down.

Dear Sister, you have asked several questions regarding the issue of second marriage, each of which we have tried to address to the best of our ability and knowledge. The truth is sister, if your husband has decided to take on a second wife for any reason, there is no law, no court, no judge, no hadith, no human being on this planet earth, that can prevent or stop him from doing so! It is a right which Allah Subhanah has given the man, and no mortal can take this right away from him.

Your pain and anxiety is obvious from your questions to us, and we sincerely sympathize with you. We pray that Allah make your trial easy for you; and from what you may think is a great calamity, Allah Subhanah will bestow upon you His Mercy and make it a source of good for you.

My beloved sister in Islam, you have basically three options, if your husband has decided to take on a new wife:

Resist him with all your might and obstruct him to reverse his decision.

Divorce him.

Bear his decision with patience.

Option-1: Resist him with all your might and obstruct him to reverse his decision.

You may fight him, scream at him, abuse him, plead with him, and use any and all means at your disposal to change his mind. But if your husband has made up his mind, he might go ahead with his decision and marry a new wife anyway…. But will hold a ill-felling in his heart for all the heart-aches and loss of reputation you may have caused him, maybe by talking to your common friends, relatives, neighbours, etc. Maybe in one of the incidents, things may get out of control, and he (Allah forbid) incidentally divorces you! Nothing and no power in the world will then be able to reverse that decision of your husband!

Option-2: Divorce him.

If you think that you absolutely and positively cannot bear to share your husband’s attention with his new wife, you may chose to divorce him.

Option-3: Bear his decision with patience.

You may accept this as a trial from Allah, and accept your husband’s decision with patience and understanding. And the only reason you should do this is that you submit that it is Allah Subhanah, Who has permitted the man to practice polygamy. If you bear this trial with patience, you will receive a huge reward from Allah Subhanah; and it may even be that Allah may bring about some good for you from these trials.

I personally know several people who have taken multiple wives; and the overwhelming majority of them are of the opinion that after taking the second wife, they have grown to love and respect the first wife more than ever before. My very good and close friend and brother recently married a second time, and this is also precisely his opinion. His first wife was an example of a righteous woman during the whole episode; neither did she challenge his right to marry again, nor did she obstruct him in any way… saying at all times that she has no right to take away something which Allah Subhanah has Himself allowed the believers. I have spoken to this brother on several occasions, and he has declared his eternal love and respect for his first wife for the patience, stead-fastness and trust she showed in their relationship and Allah Subhanah. It is the unanimous opinion of almost all the husbands who have taken multiple wives, that it is always tougher on the new wife to catch up with the respect and love of the first wife….

Dear Sister, I am sorry if I have said anything that might have hurt your feelings, for Allah is my witness, that was not our intention. Our only intention is to advice you to accept the reality of the matter… That there is absolutely nothing you, I, or anyone else can do if your husband has decided to marry again! Your feelings and emotions and pain is evident, but we assure you that all these will go away soon and everything will return to normal; most times even better than normal. Our sincere advice is don’t be harsh and severe with your husband for exercising his right to practice polygamy; nor make him feel that he has done an evil thing… for he has not! He could very well have an illicit relationship out of marriage, like the majority of the people who do not fear Allah and the Last Day; and there is absolutely nothing anyone could do about that in this world! Or alternatively, he could divorce you and marry the woman of his choice and there is nothing anyone can do about that either! Whatever his reasons for marring a second wife are, he is well within his rights to do so. The sooner you can bring yourself to accept this reality, the easier you will make this whole thing on yourself.

Put your trust in Allah Subhanah, and supplicate Him to make this trial easy for you, and make the outcome good for you and your husband.

May Allah Subhanah always keep you and your family in His Infinite Protection and Mercy.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan