Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

assalam alaikum w.r.w.b

Burhan bhai jabse main aapki site padhne lagi hoon meri life change ho gayee hai. Alhamdulillah 5 waqt namaz padhne lagi hoon aur quraan sharif meaning k saath padhna shuru kiya hai. Aur bahot sari knowledge mili aapke archiew se. Pehle mails padha karti thi free time mey lekin ab sirf aapki site par hi rehti hoon free waqt mey. Apne gharwalo aur friends ko bhi aapke subscribe kiye huye mails bhejti hoon. Shukriya burhan bhai . Allah aapkko aur aapke forum mey jitne log kaam karte hain sab ki umr daraaz kare , aur ilm se nawaze  , jisse doosro ko fayeda pohnche. Ameen.

Burhan bhai meri ammi aur sisters dargah par jate hain aur mannat wagaira bhi mangte hain. Pehle hamare ghar mey ijtema bhi hota tha aur is liye niyaz karna band kar diye magar dargah par kabhi kabhi jaate hain. Main unhe bahot samjhati hoon phir bhi nahin samajhte. Main kya karoon. Wo mujhe manaa nahin karte magar meri baat bhi nahin sunte. Mujhe accha nahin lagta k wo shirk kare. Mera rishta unhone jis ghar mey kiya hai, inlaws bhi dargah par jate hain, fatiha aur niyaz karte hain . Jab main apne gharwalo ko nahin samjha saki to main unhe kaise samjhaoongi. Meri ladke se ab tak baat nahin huyee. Sunday meri engagement hai mujhe samajh mey nahin aa raha hai main kya karoon.

Please help me and reply as soon as possible.

Pls remember me and my family in dua.

Allah hafiz.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Bride has a right of refusal to proposal

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

May Allah Subhanah reward you with the best of this world and the Hereafter for your kind comments of encouragement for our humble efforts in the propagation of the Truth. If our humble and modest efforts have helped even one brother or sister get closer to Allah and His Deen of Truth, then we would consider ourselves indeed fortunate to have been given this opportunity by the Lord Most Merciful to serve in His Cause. We hope, beg, and pray the Merciful Lord accepts our humble and weak efforts, forgives us our shortcomings, and saves you, us, and all the believers from the torment of the Hell Fire. Ameen.

Your Question: …..Sunday meri engagement hai mujhe samajh mey nahin aa raha hai main kya karoon.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

Islam guides that a marriage is not a simple union between just two people, but rather a union of two families….thus neither should the parents/guardians force their daughters into a marriage she does not consent to; nor should the girl seek to marry someone without prior consultation and consent of her sincere best well-wishers in all of mankind, ie. her parents/guardians.

Secondly, as much as Islam guides the believing woman who seeks to marry to consult and seek the consent of her guardians/parents; the absolute final decision and right of whether to agree to marry a person or not is in the hands of the bride herself alone. Islam has given the believing woman the absolute right to decide whether she wills to marry a person or not; and that is precisely why her agreement and acceptance to her marriage at the time of ‘nikaah’ is an absolutely obligatory condition for a marriage to be legal in the Sight of Shariah.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.101 Narrated by Aisha

Allah's Messenger (sws) said, "It is essential to have the consent of a virgin (for her marriage).’ I (Aisha) said, "A virgin feels shy." The Prophet (saws) said, "Her silence means her consent."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.98 Narrated by Abu Huraira

The Prophet (saws) said, "A virgin should not be married till she is asked for her consent; and the matron (divorcee, widow, etc.) should not be married till she is asked whether she agrees to marry or not." It was asked, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! How will she (the virgin) express her consent?" He (saws) said, "By keeping silent."

It is an absolutely obligatory condition of a marriage to be legal in the Sight of Shariah for the bride to consent to her marriage. If the bride is a virgin, and she feels shy to declare or respond her approval, her silence will be accepted as her approval; but if a matron (one who is divorced, or a widow, etc.) is to marry, her silence will not be accepted as her approval, but she must verbally declare her acceptance to the Judge conducting the marriage.

If for any reason the girl who is forced to marry a person against her will, especially if she is not completely satisfied with character or practice of religion of her suitor….all she ever has to do is verbally decline and declare to the Judge conducting the marriage that she is unwilling to marry the said person; a marriage in Islam can never be valid without the prior consent of the ‘bride’.

If the guardians of the bride are forcing a marriage unto their daughter, and the girl is not completely satisfied with the character or practice of religion of her suitor, or for any other reason whatsoever she does not wish to accept this proposal….the girl is well within her rights in Islam to politely (but firmly) reject the proposal making sure that she does not transgress the boundaries of humility and etiquette required of a believer towards their parents in Islam…..even if the refusal of their daughter to the proposal hurts her parents, there would be no sin upon the daughter for exercising her right of refusal.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan