Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalam Alaikum,

We are writing this email to you as we are in utter distress. My husband and I both are born Muslims (Alhamdulillah)  from India and are currently residing in the UAE.

We have a grownup daughter who had gone to Canada for higher studies. There she met one Sikh boy and they decided to get married; now our daughter is asking our permission.

The girl is 23 years of age and the boy is 27. Both are having good jobs in their respective country of residences.

Facts:

The boy is ready to accept Islam before getting married to the girl.

The boy is ready to come to the UAE to revert to Islam, learn everything and get married as per the Muslim tradition. (Nikah)

The conversion is going to be kept secret from the boysʼ parents.

Currently the boysʼ parents are ready to accept a Muslim girl as their daughter-in-law.

After the wedding the girl will be living with the boy and his parents in the same house.

The boys parents do not have any objection to the girl following her faith in their house.

The boy will be following/practicing Islam in secrecy.

The boy is their only male child so he cannot abandon them to live separately with the girl.

As the girls parents we met the boy and his family. The boy is very nice and sincere and is promising that he would follow the new faith and will keep our daughter happy..

The parents are also very nice also said that they have no issues if the girl is going to continue to keep her faith after marrying their boy. But they do not wish their son to change his faith.

Issues:

Is it correct for an individual to revert to Islam in secrecy of his parents and especially for a girl?

Will the boy be able to practice Islam in that house?

What will be the fate of their children? The boy is promising us that their children will follow the faith of the mother (Islam) and not of the paternal grandparentsʼ (Sikhism).

Dilemma:

If we give our consent to this marriage then we will be taking a big risk by allowing our daughter to spend the rest of her life with a threat of the boy going back to his old faith

If we say no then we are afraid of stopping/denying an individual to embrace Islam.

We are requesting you to kindly guide us with either Fatwa or advise so as to make the decision easy for us. As we love our daughter like all parents; we are trying to work a way for her happiness.

If our daughter does not understand the above issues and still goes ahead with the wedding without our consent then what should be our stand?.  We mean to ask where does our responsibility as parents end!! As we have given her good education both (academic and Islamic) till date.

Kindly treat this matter as URGENT and reply as soon as possible.

Jazak Allah Khair.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Muslim girl loves sikh boy urgent

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 221:

221 Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters) until they believe; a slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman even though she allure you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: a man slave who believes is better than un unbeliever even though he allure you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the fire. But Allah beckons by His grace to the Garden (of Bliss) and forgiveness and makes His Signs clear to mankind: that they may celebrate His praise.

It is not lawful for a believing woman to marry a disbeliever, unless they believe first. If the person declares the ‘shahaadah’ or testimony of faith regarding the absolute Oneness of Allah Subhanah and the appointment of Prophet Mohamed (saws) as Allah’s Last and Final Messenger….that person will be considered a muslim in the Sight of Shariah Law; and all the rights that are due to a believer will be accorded to the person in full. Such a person can marry amongst the believers, can visit the Sacred Mosques, he/she will be given a ‘muslim’ burial, his/her legal believing heirs will inherit from them, etc.

Your Question: Is it correct for an individual to revert to Islam in secrecy of his parents and especially for a girl?

One’s reversion to the Truth of Islam is between oneself and one’s Lord Creator; and there is absolutely no such condition in Islam that every person who reverts to Islam must declare or manifest his conversion to all around them. If for a genuine reason one wishes to temporarily hide one’s conversion to Islam from their loved ones or even their own parents, there is absolutely no harm.

Your Question: Will the boy be able to practice Islam in that house?

If one’s heart is totally convinced regarding the Truth of Islam, regardless of where one stays or resides, and regardless amongst whom one happens to live with…it is possible for that person to practice his chosen deen.

But if the reversion of the boy is fake or only so that he may achieve his short-term goal of being able to legally marrying a believing woman, then only the most naïve would expect that the person would practice Islam as it should be practiced after he has achieved what he set out to get.

Your Question: What will be the fate of their children? The boy is promising us that their children will follow the faith of the mother (Islam) and not of the paternal grandparentsʼ (Sikhism).

The children of believing parents should obviously be raised as believers; it all depends on whether the boy fulfills all his promises he has made before the marriage or he renegades from them after marriage!

Your Question: If we give our consent to this marriage then we will be taking a big risk by allowing our daughter to spend the rest of her life with a threat of the boy going back to his old faith

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose (practice of) religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

Honestly speaking sister, to say that the parents of the girl would be taking a ‘big’ risk if they consent to the marriage of their daughter with a boy who wishes to revert for the marriage is an absolute and utter understatement!!! It would be a ‘huge’, ‘humungous’, ‘enormous’, and an absolutely ‘insurmountable’ risk which they would undertake!!!

Not only would they put the well-being of their daughter in the life of this short and transitory world at risk if this decision is taken in a hurry or without due consideration and investigation, they take the risk of the well-being of their beloved daughter being in utter and complete loss in the eternal and everlasting life of the Hereafter!

As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we reiterate that to say such a marriage would be a ‘big’ risk is a gross understatement….. terms to the effect of ‘huge’, ‘humungous’, ‘enormous’, and an absolutely ‘insurmountable’ would be much more appropriate.

Your Question: If we say no then we are afraid of stopping/denying an individual to embrace Islam.

If the person was indeed sincere regarding his reversion to Islam, and if the heart of the boy has really accepted Islam as the approved ‘way of life’….then regardless of whether you give your consent to the marriage or not should be absolutely irrelevant. If his heart is totally convinced regarding the Truth of Al-Islam, he would revert to Islam regardless of whether he marries your daughter or not.

If you were to not give your consent, and the boy chooses not to revert to Islam…then it would be obvious that reversion to the Truth of Islam was never the true intention or the goal of the person; but rather a mere and convenient means to be able to marry your daughter!

If after not obtaining your consent to the marriage the person chooses not to embrace Islam, rest absolutely assured that you would be absolutely blameless and unaccountable for the decision made by that person in the Court of Allah Subhanah.

Your Question: We are requesting you to kindly guide us with either Fatwa or advise so as to make the decision easy for us. As we love our daughter like all parents; we are trying to work a way for her happiness.

Respected Sister, if the boy, of his own will and desire, were to verbally declare the ‘shahaadah’ or testimony of faith…..regardless of what intentions he holds in his heart….he will be considered a legal muslim in the Sight of Shariah Law; and all the rights that are due to a believer will be accorded to him in full.

As parents, it is your duty to thoroughly investigate, and when your heart finds complete satisfaction with: first and foremost, the practice of religion of the person who intends to seek the hand of your beloved daughter in marriage, and secondly his character and his reputation. Only, and we reiterate only after your hearts are completely satisfied with both of these criteria should you give your consent to the marriage.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose (practice of) religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

Your Question: If our daughter does not understand the above issues and still goes ahead with the wedding without our consent then what should be our stand?.  We mean to ask where does our responsibility as parents end!! As we have given her good education both (academic and Islamic) till date.

Respected sister, we wish to inform you (as we remind ourselves) that the time and period to practice this responsibility of guardianship is when our children are in their infancy and growing up…..not when one’s off-spring has become an adult and capable of making their own decisions! One should worry about this supreme responsibility before one takes the decision to send the ‘apple of their eyes’ to a foreign land and alien culture alone to further their academic careers……not when this ‘piece-of-one’s-heart’, in absolute transgression of the Laws of the Lord Creator, chooses to ‘fall-in-love’ and declares their intention to marry one who is a disbeliever!

Respected sister in Islam, we sincerely and humbly apologize if our statements were too harsh, or they hurt your sentiments…for that was neither our intention nor our purpose. Allah is our witness sister, we get tens if not hundreds of letters from parents who find themselves in a similar or worse situation as yours….and hundreds if not thousands of letters from sisters who have chosen the path your daughter wishes to undertake only to find out at a later date that reality is much truer and much more lasting than mere fantasy.

In conclusion my beloved sister, we urge you in the Blessed Name of the Lord Creator, to not put the life of your beloved daughter in this world and especially the Hereafter in such an insurmountable risk….unless and until you are absolutely and totally satisfied that the boy has truly accepted Islam from his heart, and will fulfill the promises which he is so willing to make at this time.

May Allah Subhanah have mercy on you and your family, bestow upon you, your family, and especially your daughter the wisdom and the courage to make the decision which is Pleasing and Acceptable to the Lord Most Gracious, Most Majestic, Most Supreme, Most Merciful. May the Lord Most Gracious save you and your family from all harm, envelop you all in His Infinite Mercy and Grace, and keep you and us all steadfast on this path of Truth until we all ultimately return unto Him. Ameen.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan