Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalaam Aleikum,

I am very confused,i was proposed by someone for marriage,he is also Muslim,at that time i asked if his family will agree if he marries of his choice and he said he will convince them there wont be any problem,then his mother expired in between,once as he was about to tell his family about me ,he came to know his mother has fixed his marriage with his Maternal cousin (Mamu"s daughter),now i am emotionally attached to him,and he says he will not marry me if his family does not agree as his Mom has decided someone for him already,please guide me what should i do

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Answer:

Marriage with parents consent

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, love-hate, like-dislike, joy-sorrow, smile-weep, etc. are natural emotions of mankind! What determines virtue and sin is what one says or does when one experiences these natural emotions!

To love someone is a natural emotion, and there is absolutely no sin if one loves another person; it is what one does and says after one has fallen in love with that person which would determine whether it would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah or a sin!

If one falls in love, and informs one’s guardians that they love so and so, and requests them to sanctify their love in the sacred bond of marriage so that they may love each other for the rest of their lives would be counted as a virtue and a good deed in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

But if one falls in love, and strives to meet or talk to the person in secret and in private, and in their love transgress the boundaries of Allah Subhanah before they are united in the sacred bond of marriage; then indeed it would constitute a huge sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5:

5 This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who are losers.

Your Question: ……now i am emotionally attached to him,and he says he will not marry me if his family does not agree as his Mom has decided someone for him already,please guide me what should i do

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."

Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, at times (or actually most times) life takes unexpected turns, and events or things may or may not happen as one may have envisioned. It is precisely to protect oneself and one’s honor against such expectations that Islam guides that it is not permissible for a believing woman to arrange her own marriage without the consent of her best well-wishers in all of creation: ie. her parents and/or her guardians.

Dear and beloved sister, one amongst the absolutely obligatory conditions of a marriage to be lawful in Islam is that both parties agree to the marriage….if for any reason the boy you are ‘emotionally attached’ to chooses to marry another woman, there is nothing you can or should do about it.

Under the circumstances, it would be best that you emotionally ‘detach’ yourself from that person and seek to marry another eligible and pious believer.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 216:

216 ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you and that ye love a thing which is bad for you. But Allah knoweth and ye know not.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan