Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

I just read your replies to children`s duty to their parents. Often, the way parents` rights are described under religious light create an impression that a parent can do anything without being questioned, either by the child or by the society at large.

I want to ask you this: Doesn`t Islam draw a line somewhere when it comes to what all parents can or cannot do? We often read about fathers who rape their own daughters. Should such a daughter, her brother or mother kill the rapist or accept it quietly because he is a parent?

I know Islamic jurisprudence is complete and comprehensive. But my question is just a way to have the limitations on dutifulness to parents highlighted through your forum. Thanks. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Limits of Parents Rights

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Dear and beloved brother in Islam, one cannot over-emphasize the importance and significance of serving and being dutiful to one’s parents in Islam…… Second only to the heinous and the ultimate abomination of ‘shirk’ in the Sight of Allah is for an off-spring to be undutiful to one’s parents!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verse 14:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 36:

36 Serve Allah and join not any partners with Him: and do good to parents kinsfolk orphans those in need neighbors who are near neighbors who are strangers the companion by your side the way-farer (ye meet) and what your right hands possess: for Allah loveth not the arrogant the vainglorious;

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah

A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or your relation with them will determine) your Paradise or your Hell."

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah

I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom should I show kindness most?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again): ‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’. I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again: ‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in order of relationship.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4939 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Jahimah

Jahimah came to the Prophet (saws) and said, "Messenger of Allah (saws), I desire to go on a military expedition and I have come to consult you. He (saws) asked him if he had a mother, and when he replied that he had, he (saws) said, "Stay with her, for Paradise is at her feet."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.18 Narrated by Aisha

The Prophet (saws) said: "The word 'Ar-Rahm' (womb) derives its name from 'Ar-Rahman' (i.e. Allah). So whosoever keeps good relations with it (womb i.e. kith and kin), Allah will keep good relations with him, and whosoever will sever it (i.e. severs his bonds of kith and kin) Allah too will sever His relations with him!"

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas

The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Kabair’ (the absolute gravest sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied: "They are:--

To join others in worship with Allah,

To be undutiful to one's parents,

To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),

And to give a false witness."

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There are three people to whom Allah has forbidden Paradise: one who is addicted to wine, an undutiful son, and a cuckold who agrees to his womenfolk's adultery."

Your Question: ……Doesn`t Islam draw a line somewhere when it comes to what all parents can or cannot do?

The only beings to whom absolutely unconditional obedience is due is to Allah Subhanah and His Messenger (saws) alone…..the command, orders, or requests of all other, and we reiterate, absolutely all other beings will only be followed if that order or command is not against the Guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws)!

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

Your Question (again): ……Doesn`t Islam draw a line somewhere when it comes to what all parents can or cannot do?

Such is the rank and status the Lord Most High has accorded to parents in Islam that only after the rights due to Allah Subhanah and His Messenger (saws), the biggest rights in all mankind are due to one’s parents, regardless of whether one’s parents are believers or disbelievers! Thus it is absolutely obligatory upon the believers who sincerely fear Allah and the Last Day to be devoutly obedient to each and every lawful wish and command of their parents….the only, and we reiterate ONLY time a believer is permitted to disobey the command or wish of their parents is if they ask their off-spring to do anything which is clearly against the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqmaan verses 14-15:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (Hear the command:) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) goal.

15 But if they strive to make thee join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not (in that command of theirs); yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me: in the end the return of you all is to Me, and I will tell you the Truth of all that ye did."

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 29 Surah Ankabut verses 8-9:

8 We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge obey them not (in that command of theirs). Ye have (all) to return to Me and I will tell you (the Truth) of all that ye did.

9 And those who believe and work righteous deeds, them shall We admit to the company of the Righteous.

Your Question: ……We often read about fathers who rape their own daughters. Should such a daughter, her brother or mother kill the rapist or accept it quietly because he is a parent?
Although it is definitely not the norm, there are indeed some parents who unlawfully abuse and oppress their children…..in such situation, the children are well within their rights to seek justice against the unlawful behavior of their parents.

If Allah forbid, there is a father who rapes his own daughters, Islam does not allow the brother or the mother to kill the ‘rapist’ themselves…..but they are well within their rights to and should approach a Shariah Court of Law and seek justice. If the father is convicted of the crime in a court of law, the Shariah Judge will extract due punishment from the father for his abomination and crime according to Shariah Law.

Your Question: But my question is just a way to have the limitations on dutifulness to parents highlighted through your forum

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the Creator."

The rights, duties, responsibilities, and obedience to the Commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws) supercede the rights of all else in creation, including one’s own parents…..A parent will not be obeyed if they command or order their believing off-spring to do or say anything which is against a clear guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws).

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan