Wife demands husband break relations with his relatives.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Dear
Brother in Islam,
Assalam
alaikum wa rehmatullah wa barakatuhu.
I am a
married woman wid two children. I had written to you earlier too and this is
somewhat related to my earlier mail. My in-laws have never been good to me,
right from the time my marriage was settled upto now. We had an arrange
marriage. What I have observed is that they dont love nor respect my husband
also but this doesnt affect my husband at all. My in laws dont treat me well
nor do they want my hubby to treat me well. I was tortured by each and every
member of his family. My in laws do black magic too. First they didnt want me
to be with my husband but Allah taala was with me and He failed them, second
they didnt want me to have any children but again Allah Taala was wid me and he
gave me a beautiful daughter.. When she was born and only a day old my in laws
did black magic on her and my daughter suffered a lot not only sickness but I
too used to ill treat her beat her etc. for which I regret from the bottom of
my heart and ask for forgiveness from Allah Subhanataala. My in laws tried each
and every possible way that my husband leave my daughter and me but they didnt
succeed though my husband treated me the way they wanted but he never left me.
Now I have a son and still the same problems are there. They dont want us to
educate, clothe or feed our children. We live in abroad but during
vacation whenever we meet them my husband stays wid his parents and I wid my
children at my parent's house. After returning from vacation there is always
fight in our house and it gets so severe that at times my husband throws me out
of the house or I try to commit suicide or I dont wish to live with him and he
treats children too badly and financially too we are left with nothing.
Once my husband confessed to me that he illtreats me the way they say coz
he wants their love and sympathy but still he doesnt get it. I was very much
hurt by this statement. My in laws are bad towards me only because we are in
abroad and my husband earns a lot of money and they want it only for themselves
but they are good to other daughters in law even if their husband's dont earn.
Allah knows well dear Brother, that I have never done anything bad to them,
inspite of their being bad to me I always did good to them but they dont seem
to care not only for me but my children also which hurts me and makes me angry
too.
Now
again we are planning vacation and husband intends to meet his father and
brothers. I am scared that again same things will start which I cannot
tolerate. I dont want him to meet his family. I know it is wrong but at this
stage of life if he listens to them n illtreats me and throws me out of house
where will I go wid two kids and I have no one to look after me as well. I want
to know will Allah taala forgive me if I dont let him meet his people? If he
does then my children and I will become sufferers. Are they doing the
right thing by trying to keep a father away from his children and a wife away
from husband? Please guide me as soon as possible.
Jazakallah
khair
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Answer:
Wife demands husband
break relations with his relatives
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your
Question: ……Now again we are planning vacation and husband intends to meet his
father and brothers. I am scared that again same things will start which I
cannot tolerate. I dont want him to meet his family.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 33 Surah
Ahzaab verse 6 (part):
Blood-relations
amongst each other have closer personal ties in the Decree of Allah….
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad verse 25:
As for those who break
their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder
relationships which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on
the earth, their’s shall be the curse,
and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27:
And He leads astray
only those who disobey Allah, who break
Allah’s covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder relationships what
Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the
Earth. These are indeed the people who
are the losers.
Allah Subhanah has given no one the right to break, or
conspire to break the blood relations which the Lord Himself has created for
mankind…..absolutely regardless of whatever might have transpired in the past,
or whatever one fears might happen in the future…..it would be absolutely
unlawful, illegal and a grave sin in the Sight of the Lord for you to take
steps, or encourage your husband in any way whatsoever to disassociate or break
relations with his blood-relatives.
Sahih Al-Bukhari
Hadith 8.17 Narrated by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws)
said, "The word 'Ar-Rahm (womb) derives its name from Ar-Rahman (i.e., one
of the names of Allah) and Allah said: 'I will keep good relation with the one
who will keep good relation with you (the womb, i.e. kith and kin), and
sever the relation with him who will sever the relation with you (the womb,
i.e. kith and kin).’”
Dear and beloved Sister in Islam, if only you could bring
yourself to imagine your state when your own son should be blessed to grow up,
marry, and have children….and your son’s wife strove to keep your son from
maintaining relations with you! It is
upto your husband to fear his Lord, and make absolutely sure that all the
rights that are due from him unto his blood relatives and especially his
parents are fulfilled in full, without compromising the rights that are due
from him unto his wife and his children…..that would be piety and righteousness
in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, and that is what you should encourage and
exhort him to do, if indeed you believe in and fear Allah and the Last Day.
To ask, or demand, or even so much so as hint that your
husband break or weaken his relationship bond with his own blood relatives and
especially his parents would be a sin in the Sight of the Lord beyond compare!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3696 Narrated by An-Nawwas ibn Sam'an
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A
creature is not to be obeyed when it involves disobedience to the
Creator."
If (Allah forbid) you were to make such an unlawful demand
upon your husband, and if (Allah forbid) your husband were to accede to your
unlawful demand and break relations with his blood-relatives…..both you, and
especially your husband should prepare for an extremely severe accounting in
the Presence of The Lord Most Majestic on that Inevitable and Tumultuous Day of
Judgment……
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated by Abu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah
(saws), what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6189 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘Let him be
humbled into dust! Let him be humbled
into dust!’ It was said: ‘O Allah's Messenger (saws), who is he?’ He (saws) said: ‘He who sees either of
his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 5120 Narrated by Mu'awiyah ibn Hayadah
I asked: ‘O Messenger of Allah(saws)! To whom
should I show kindness most?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother.’ I asked (again):
‘Who next?’. He (saws) replied: ‘Your mother!’.
I asked: ‘Who next?’ He (saws)
replied: ‘Your mother!’ I asked again:
‘Who next?’ and he (saws) replied: ‘Your father, and then your relatives in
order of relationship.’
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the
‘Kabair’ (the Absolute Gravest Sins in the Sight of Allah). He (saws) replied:
"They are:--
To join others in worship with Allah,
To be undutiful to one's parents,
To kill a person (which Allah has forbidden
to kill) (i.e. to commit the crime of murder),
And to give a false witness."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.290 Narrated by Abu Bakra
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Shall I
inform you of the biggest of the Great Sins?" They said, "Yes, O
Allah's Messenger (saws)!" He (saws) said, "To join partners in
worship with Allah, and to be undutiful to one's parents."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3653 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr
The Prophet (saws) said, "An
undutiful son, a gambler, one who casts up what he has given, and one
who is addicted to wine will not enter
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3655 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "There
are three people to whom Allah has forbidden
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated byAbud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have
a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he
had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the
gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.4 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
Allah's Messenger (saws) said. "It
is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.9 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
The Prophet said, "Al-Kaba'ir (the
Absolute Biggest Sins) are: “To join others (as partners) in worship with
Allah, to be undutiful to one's parents,and to take a false
oath."
My dear and beloved Sister, we do sincerely apologize if
our response to your question is unusually harsh and callous…..but such is the
enormity of this crime of breaking or conspiring to break blood-relations which
the Lord Himself has created for mankind, that we, as your sincere well-wishers
in faith had to make you aware in no uncertain terms regarding its abomination
in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and
commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any
other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be
assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well
wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister