So I tried marriage. I asked my father to propose to my cousin: 1)She is an orphan, so I want to get the reward of being with the Prophet of the day of judgement. 2) she is poor, maybe I can help her out. 3) She is religious, adn I think she will be able to keep me on the straight path.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
Salaam Alikoum
There is this
problem:
I masturbate and look at haraam things alot, but I am a really good person, I
do alot of good deeds and study Islam and the Qur`an. I dont know why I do
this. I tried fasting adn all this stuff but it didnt work.
So I tried marriage. I asked my father to propose to my cousin:
1)She is an orphan, so I want to get the reward of being with the Prophet of
the day of judgement.
2) she is poor, maybe I can help her out.
3) She is religious, adn I think she will be able to keep me on the straight
path.
However, I havent seen her in a while,a dn I only remember her from the
picture, she doesnt look all that attractive. And We didnt actually do
anything, no engagement or marriage, we just announced to her and her family
that I want to marry her, and she accepted. So should i go ahead even if she
might not be very attracitve to me and if since she is from teh same family, it
might cause some form of diseases?
This is urgent, because once I asked for her, I have been able to keep my mind
off of this haraam for a while, but now its back.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Marriage and
istakhara
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Your
Statements: …..I masturbate and look at haraam things alot, but I am a really
good person, I do alot of good deeds and study Islam and the Qur`an. I dont
know why I do this. I tried fasting adn all this stuff but it didnt work.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 23 Surah
Muminoon verses 1-11:
1 The Believers must (eventually) win through
2 Those who humble themselves in their prayers;
3 Who avoid vain talk;
4 Who are active in deeds of charity;
5 Who scrupulously guard their modesty (private parts),
6 Except with those joined to them in the
marriage bond,
or (the captives) whom their right hands possess; for (in their case) they are free from blame.
7 But those whose desires exceed those limits, are transgressors!
8 Those who faithfully observe their trust and their covenants;
9 And who (strictly) guard their prayers
10 Those will be the heirs
11 Who will inherit
The scholars of all schools of thought are unanimous in
their opinion that the evil act of ‘masturbation’ would, without an iota of a
doubt, fall under the category of ‘those whose
desires exceed the limits’; and thus
this act is absolutely forbidden to all those who sincerely believe in Allah
and the Last Day.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.4 Narrated by Abdullah
We were with the Prophet (saws) while we were
young and had no wealth whatever. So Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "O
young people! Whoever among you can marry, should marry, because it helps him
lower his gaze and guard his modesty (i.e. his private parts from committing
illegal sexual intercourse, etc.), and whoever is not able to marry, should
fast, as fasting diminishes his sexual power."
Thus if one is unable to control his sexual desire, he should get married, rather than get involved in committing sins
like masturbation and ‘zina’
(fornication or adultery). And if one
is unable to marry, he should fast, as the Messenger of Allah (saws) says, that
fasting reduces the person’s sexual desire,
and thus help the believer to stay away from committing sin.
‘Fahesha’ or indecency is one of
the strongest weapons of the accursed enemy of man, the Shaitaan; who has sworn
to mislead and misguide mankind from the Straight Path of Allah Subhanah.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 268:
The Shaitaan threatens you with poverty and
prompts you to adopt indecency (or acts of shamelessness). Allah promises you His Forgiveness and
Bounties, and Allah cares for all, and He knows all things.
The only thing that can stop one from acts of indecency,
or intentionally disobeying any command of Allah and His Messenger (saws); is the constant fear and consciousness that
on One Inevitable Day, everyone will be brought forth in the Presence of the
All-Mighty Lord to give a full accounting of one’s deeds.
The first thing one needs to do, when he realizes that he has disobeyed any
command of Allah and His Messenger (saws),
is to immediately turn to the Merciful Lord and seek His Forgiveness and
Pardon, and make a solemn covenant that
he will not repeat the mistake again.
When Shaitaan again tries to prompt the person to disobey the Merciful,
the believers must immediately realize the play of Shaitaan, seek refuge in
Allah from the accursed Shaitaan, remember the covenant he has made with His
Lord, and abstain from doing any deed that will bring about the Wrath and Anger
of Allah Subhanah.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verses 200-201:
200 If a suggestion from Shaitaan assail thy (mind), seek refuge with
Allah; for He Heareth and Knoweth (all things).
201 Those who fear Allah, when a thought of evil from Shaitaan assaults
them, bring Allah to remembrance; when lo! they see (aright)!
As soon as one feels the desire, or the avowed enemy of man, the Shaitaan suggests the person to transgress any of the boundaries of Allah Subhanah; the believers should immediately seek the refuge and protection of the All-Mighty Lord from the accursed Shaitaan by saying: “Aoodobillahe minas Shaitaan ar rajeem”. If the person is sincere in seeking refuge and protection, Allah Subhanah will protect him from the assaults of Shaitaan.
Some other things the believers
may do as such a stage is do the ‘wudu’, offer prayers, or recite the 113th
and 114th Surahs of the Quran (Surah Falaq and Surah Naas) and seek
protection from the accursed Shaitaan.
The long-term remedy for keeping
the Shaitaan at bay, is to constantly remember Allah Subhanah, seek and stay in
the company of the righteous, recite the Quran, read good Islamic Books, listen
to good Islamic cassettes and lectures, and strive to stay away from being in
solitude.
If one is constantly in the face
of non-mehram women, or if one regularly watches commercial television and
movies, or regularly reads commercial
magazines, etc. where ill-clad women are constantly portrayed; there is a greater chance the person will be
swayed by the suggestions of Shaitaan towards ‘fahisah’ and indecency. If one strives to abstain from these devices
of Shaitaan, and makes efforts to remain
close to the Remembrance and Guidance of Allah Subhanah, he will be successful
in muting the ploys of the Shaitaan.
Allah Says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verse 27:
O ye children of
Adam! Let not Shaitaan seduce you in the
same manner as he got your parents (Adam and Hawwa) out of the Garden,
stripping them of their raiment to expose their shame: for he and his tribe
watch you from a position where ye cannot see them: We made the ‘Shayateen’
friends (only) to those without faith.
Your Question: …….However,
I havent seen her in a while,a dn I only remember her from the picture, she
doesnt look all that attractive. …..So should i go ahead even if she might not
be very attracitve to me
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
The Prophet (saws) said, "A woman is
married for four things, i.e., her wealth, her family status, her beauty and
her religion. So you should marry the religious woman (otherwise) you will be a
loser."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3107 Narrated by Al-Mughirah ibn Shu'bah
I asked a woman in marriage and Allah's
Messenger (saws) asked me whether I had looked at her. When I replied that I
had not, he (saws) said, "Then look at her, for it is better that there
should be love between you."
Beloved Brother, if you contemplating whether you should
marry a particular woman or not, in our humble opinion the best course of
action for you which will help you make a decision is to seek the help of Allah
Subhanah and beseech Him to guide you to what is best for your life in this
world and the Hereafter. It is the
established Sunnah and tradition of the Messenger of Allah (saws) that whenever
he had to make a choice between two (or more) legal alternatives, he would
perform a two-rakah prayer of ‘Istakhara’ and make earnest supplications to his
All-Knowing, All-Wise Lord to guide him to what was best.
Hadrat Jabir (r.a.) reports that ‘the Prophet (saws) would teach
us al-Istikharah for all of our affairs as he would teach us a Surah of the
Qu'ran. He (saws) said 'if one of you is deliberating over an act, he should
pray two rak'ahs and recite the supplication of Istakhara.’’
Related by Al-Bukhari.
Saad ibn Waqas (r.a.) reported that the
Prophet (saws) said, "Istikharah (seeking guidance from Allah) is one of
the distinct favors (of Allah) upon man, and a good fortune for the son of Adam
is to be pleased with the Judgment of Allah. And a misfortune of the son of
Adam is his failure to make istikharah, and a misfortune for the son of Adam is
his displeasure with the Judgment of Allah."
As your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, our
ardent advice to you would be to follow the Sunnah of the Messenger of Allah
(saws) and perform this simple ‘Istakharah’ prayer and supplicate your Lord to
help you and guide you to a decision that is Pleasing to Him and is best for
you in your life in this world and the Hereafter. Then wherever the matter settles, and
whatever transpires after you have put your full trust in your Lord Most
Gracious, know with conviction that that was the absolute best decision.
The
following is from the book "Selected Prayers"
compiled by Dr. Jamal Badawi.
"When seeking guidance in decision-making (Istikharah)"
Allahomma Inni Astakheeroka Bi'ilmik. Wa'astaqdiroka
Biqodratik. Wa'as'aloka
min Fadlikal-azeem. Fa'innaka Taqdiru Wala Aqdir. Wata'lamo Wala-a'lam.
Wa'anta-'allamul ghuyoob.
Allahomma In Kunta Ta'lamu Anna (Hathal-Amra) Khayul-lee Fi Deenee Wama'ashi
Wa'ajila Amri Wa'ajilah, Faqdorho lee, Wayassirho lee, Thomma-barik lee fih.
Wa'in Konta Ta'lamo Anna (Hathal-Amra) sharrul-lee Fi Deenee. Wama'ashi.
Wa'ajila Amri. Wa'ajilaho. Fasrifho 'annee. Wasrifnee 'anh. Waqdur
leyal-khayr Haytho
Translation of du'a:
O Allah! I seek Your guidance (in making a choice)
by virtue of Your
knowledge, and I seek ability by virtue of Your power, and I ask You of Your
great bounty. You have power, I have none. And You know, I know not. You are
the Knower of hidden things.
O Allah! If in Your knowledge, (this matter) is good for my religion, my
livelihood and my affairs; immediate and in the distant, then ordain for me,
make it easy for me and bless it for me. And if in Your knowledge, (this
matter) is bad for my religion, my livelihood and my affairs; immediate and
in the distant, then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it. And
ordain for me the good wherever it be and make me pleased with it.
Notes:
1. The above du'a is to be recited when there is uncertainty about the
advisability of taking a decision, provided it is Islamically permissable.
2. After performing wudu' (ablution), one should offer two rakahs (sunnah
required for this purpose).
3. Before reciting the dua' it should be made sure that the person is not
already inclined to a given decision; otherwise it will mean the person is
not serious about seeking guidance from Allah (SWT).
4. In making this dua' the actual matter or decision concerning which divine
guidance is being sought should be mentioned instead of the words (Hathal
Amra) in transliteration or the words "this matter" in the
translation
above.
5. After reciting the dua' (immediately or later on), one may feel more
favorably disposed toward one choice or the other.
Salatul istekharah
from the book Fiqh us-Sunnah by As-Sayyid Sabiq
It is a sunnah that, if one must choose between permissible alternatives,
one should pray two rak'as sunnah, be they regular sunnah prayers or a
prayer for entering a mosque, and so on, during any time of the day or
night, and to recite therein whatever one wishes of the Qu'ran after
reciting Al-Fatiha. Then one should praise Allah and send salutations to the
Prophet, peace be upon him, and recite the following supplication which has
been recorded by Bukhari in Jabir's narration:
"The Prophet, peace be upon him, would teach us al-Istikharah for all of
our
affairs as he would teach us a surah of the Qu'ran. He said 'if one of you
is deliberating over an act, he should pray two rak'ahs and say:
"O Allah, I consult You as You are All-Knowing and I appeal to You to give
me power as You are Omnipotent, I ask You for Your great favor, for You have
power and I do not, and You know all of the hidden matters. O Allah! If you
know that this matter (then mention it) is good for me in my religion, my
livelihood, and for my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and
future life') then ordain it for me, make it (easy) for me and bless it for
me. And if You know that this matter is bad for my religion, my livelihood
and my life in the Hereafter (or he said 'for my present and future life')
then turn it away from me and turn me away from it and ordain the good for
me wherever it be and make me be pleased with it."
There is nothing authentic concerning anything specific that is to be
recited in the prayer nor is there any authentic report concerning how many
times one should repeat it.
An-Nawawi holds that "after performing the istikhara, a person must do
what
he is wholeheartedly inclined to do and feels good about doing and should
not insist on doing what he has desired to do before making the istikhara.
And if his feelings change, he should leave what he had intended to do,
otherwise he is not completely leaving the choice of Allah, and would not be
honest in seeking aid from Allah's power and knowledge. Sincerity in seeking
Allah's choice means that one should completely leave what one oneself
desired or determined."
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister