I would like to ask a question which many women may face but i want to follow and make my decision based upon what God has said, I am going through many problems in my 9 months of married life and i am also 6 months pregnant, i love my husband but has been violent at times towards me and tried to harm me despite me carrying his child, his family never want to take responsibility for what he does and does not like my family to say anything against him about it, he has to come to live with me in the UK and wants to rely on my family to help him start a life here but refuses to show respect or gratitude towards them
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa
Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
I would
like to ask a question which many women may face but i want to follow and make
my decision based upon what God has said, I am going through many problems in
my 9 months of married life and i am also 6 months pregnant, i love my husband
but has been violent at times towards me and tried to harm me despite me
carrying his child, his family never want to take responsibility for what he
does and does not like my family to say anything against him about it, he has
to come to live with me in the UK and wants to rely on my family to help him
start a life here but refuses to show respect or gratitude towards them, i am
stuck in between my family and him but then i think about whats good for my
child, now his mum refuses to come to UK for the delivery for our child from
Pakistan bcs she is not on good terms with my family and he blames me for
everything, my husband has said if his mum does not come then my family will
never be able to see my child, what should i do? should i just go away from my
family and him and lead a life with just me and my child where there is no
interference or should i stand up against my husband, does Islam give one set
of grandparents more right than the other over a child? if i do leave my
husband and my family will God be pleased with me,? i hope you can help in
making the right decision
(There may be some grammatical and spelling
errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from
questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in
confidentiality.)
Answer:
Problems with in-laws
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask
for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever
He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that
there is no one (no idol, no person, no
grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai,
nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, since this is only the
beginning of your marriage, it is possible that your husband is insecure
regarding your love and commitment to your marriage; and because he lives with
your extended family, he might have a feeling that your loyalty is more towards
your family rather than to the marriage.
Such feelings of insecurity are normal in most marriages when the spouse
moves to a different city or lives with the in-laws.
Dear and beloved sister, your absolute first priority is
to save your marriage! Make sure that
you manifest to your husband that you love him, are committed to the marriage,
and will do whatever it takes to save the marriage. Once your husband is convinced regarding your
loyalty to him and to the marriage, it is expected that these trying times of
the early marriage period will be eased, Insha Allah.
Your question: does
Islam give one set of grandparents more right than the other over a child?
A grand-parent is a grand-parent, regardless of whether
maternal or paternal; and both have equal rights over their grand-child in
Islam. Beloved sister, you must realize
here that the issue is not the legal rights of one over another, but rather it
is simply a trying period early in one’s marriage. I assure you that once this trying period of
compromise passes, and one gets over the insecurity one feels with strange
people who are now one’s relatives, and both parties show patience and
commitment to the marriage, conditions and relations will improve, Insha Allah.
Your Question:
should i just go away from my family and him and lead a life with just me and
my child where there is no interference or should i stand up against my husband
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2173 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Umar
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Of all the lawful
acts’ the most detestable to Allah is divorce.’
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2172 Narrated by Muharib
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Allah did not make
anything lawful more abominable to Him than divorce.’
Dear and Beloved sister, separation from your husband
should be your absolute last option, for of all the lawful acts in Islam,
nothing is more hated and detestable in the Sight of Allah Subhanah than
divorce!
Even if only temporarily, leaving your family house and
making a home with only your husband is an option which if you believe might
remove your husband’s insecurities, or improve your marital relations with your
husband, then it would be prudent to try and live with your husband alone and improve
your relations with him.
Your Question: or
should i stand up against my husband
If a husband usurps or does not fulfill the due rights of
his wife, the wife has all the rights in Islam to ‘stand up’ against her
husband….so much so that she has a right to even move the Shariah Courts and
demand that her husband fulfill his rights towards her!
Your Question: if i
do leave my husband and my family will God be pleased with me,?
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2218 Narrated by Thawban
The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If any woman asks
her husband for divorce without some strong reason, (even) the odour of
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, as your brothers and
sincere well-wishers in faith, we implore you to fear Allah and realize that
your condition is no more than a trial for you from your Lord. Your Lord is well aware of your exact
condition, your actions, and the actions of your family and your husband. If you fear Allah, seek His Help and His
Mercy, show patience, forbearance and fortitude in maintaining and
strengthening your relationship in marriage, no matter how much the other tries
to break it, your Lord will be Pleased with you and give you an unending and
everlasting reward, Insha Allah.
Beloved Sister, nothing is more pleasing to the Shaytaan
than sowing seeds of dissension between a couple in marriage, for this
dissension rocks and breaks the very cradle of family life!
Sahih Muslim Hadith 6754 Narrated by Jabir ibn Abdullah
I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) as saying:
‘The throne of Iblis is upon the ocean and he sends detachments (to different
parts) in order to put people to trial and the most important figure in his
eyes is one who is most notorious in sowing the seed of dissension (especially
in a marriage).’
Recognize the ploys and plots of the evil and accursed
Shaytaan whenever he tries and inspires towards the break-up of your marriage,
seek the protection of Allah Subhanah from the Shaytaan’s evil whispers by
constantly reciting the 113th Surah Al-Falaq and 114th
Surah An-Naas as much as you can, and beseech your Lord Most Gracious to have
mercy upon you and your marriage, and give you the patience, the wisdom and the
courage to withstand the trials that are laid upon you. It is expected that you will find your Lord
Forgiving, Merciful, and Gracious.
If one trusts,
obeys, and follows the guidance
and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being
misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger
(saws), one can be assured of being led
astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to
Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only
Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in
Islam,
Burhan
Wister