I have been meeting a man for a year, we both love each other very much and wish to get married
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Asalam wa alikum brother, I have a question
for you. Please can you answer this for me? I am a single girl looking to get
married. I have been meeting a man for a year, we both love each other very
much and wish to get married. But when we meet we engage in illegal acts which
are not permitted in Islam. I know i shouldnt but i cant stop myself and then i
feel really guilty.
However, he cannot support me yet as he is studying and yet to make a future to support us. I am willing to wait for him. It will take about two years. I cant tell my parents yet as they will not accept him as he is not yet established. What shall i do? wait or leave him? I dont want to loose him but i feel that if I carry on the way I am the he will be taken away from me as a punishment. Please help me bhaijaan. I dont want to do wrong but i need this person in my life. I dont think i can be happy with anyone else. I will await your reply, as long as it takes. Allahafiz.
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Girl loves boy
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, Allah Subhanah has permitted the believing men and the believing woman to choose who they wish to marry; and regardless of how much one loves a person or thinks that life would be unlivable and unbearable without their true love, the believers are bound by their covenant to their Lord to live within His stipulated boundaries, if indeed they fear Allah and the Last Day.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 5 Surah Maidah verse 5: This day are (all) things good and pure made lawful unto you. The food of the People of the Book is lawful unto you and yours is lawful unto them. (Lawful unto you in marriage) are (not only) chaste women who are believers, but chaste women among the People of the Book revealed before your time when ye give them their due dowers and desire chastity, not lewdness nor secret intrigues. If anyone rejects faith fruitless is his work and in the Hereafter he will be in the ranks of those who have lost (all spiritual good).
Allah Subhanah has made it absolutely impermissible for the believers to have a lewd, illicit, or secret relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex. My dear and beloved sister in Islam, fear the Day when each individual will be called upon in the Majestic Presence of their Lord to give a full accounting of their deeds. Regardless of whatever you might have done in the past, immediately turn to your Lord Most Merciful, seek sincere repentance and stop this illicit relationship; it is expected that you will find your Lord Oft Forgiving, Most Merciful.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54: (O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136: Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54: When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
Your Question: What shall i do? wait or leave him?
Dear and beloved Sister, either ask the one you wish to marry to approach your parents and honorably seek your hand in marriage, or leave you alone in honor. If the brother sincerely loves you and has the same feelings for you as you have for him, he would honor your honor and do the honorable thing.
To engage in an illicit relationship and desecrate the honor of the woman who loves the person sincerely and wishes to marry him is a clear violation of the commands and boundaries of Allah Subhanah. If the brother fears Allah, and loves you as much as you love him, then he would do the honorable thing and approach your parents and seek your hand in marriage from them.
If the brother refuses to do that, or gives excuses that he is currently not in a position to do that, or delays the matter everytime you insist….then it is evident that his intentions are not as honorable as they seem to be. Allah forbid, if he were to take what he desires, desecrate your honor, and one fine day walk out on you on any feeble excuse, you would have to live with that dishonor for the rest of your life!
Your Statement: I dont want to loose him but i feel that if I carry on the way I am the he will be taken away from me as a punishment. Please help me bhaijaan. I dont want to do wrong but i need this person in my life. I dont think i can be happy with anyone else.
Beloved Sister, if you sincerely do not want to lose the person you love, insist that he do the honorable thing and immediately seek your hand in marriage from your parents. Allah is our witness, we receive so many letters from sisters all over the world who fell in love with a man who promised them marriage at a later date, only to walk out on her after he had fulfilled his desire with her!
My dear and beloved sister in Islam, as your brothers and sincere well-wishers in faith, we implore you to fear Allah, and stop this illicit relationship with the brother immediately unless and until the two of you are united in the sacred bond of marriage with the approval of your parents and guardians.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,