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Salam,i dont know how to start but i am in...

Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

i dont know how to start but i am in desperate need of help. it is regarding my husband. we wanted to marry each other bt his family wasnt agreed. so we did nikah n although my family wasnt happy bt i didnt leave him. he kept it secret from his family bt i told everyone that we are married my family friends and colleagues. he was working in diff city to he told his landlord that my wife will stay with me. so they knew that i was his wife. after 1yr i started qs him like when he is gonna tell his family he said wait then i gt pregnent n he forced me to go for abortion he said i can have many later on when he will take me home with his family bz it was my dream to have joint family system and asked to wait for 2yrs so he can save money for a big house. on his job he has to travel alot around the world so he keep coming and going fro the past 2 yrs now when i asked to take me home n tell ur family he gave me a preposition to live with him in a seperate house where he works but over the weekend he will go to meet his family in his own city alone on qs y he stll doent want to disclose this matter to his family he said they dont like me. all the time he was asking me to wait n support bz thats wt wives do n i trusted him..for the last few months he was asking my permission to let him merry the woman his family wants him  to have and he will keep us both sep but he is not goona tell his family abt me. i refused taht proposal i left my whole family for this man n waited for 6 yrs n all he wanted another woman! he siad he is helpless.. last week i phoned his sister to ask y they hate me so much what i have done to them...the news she gave me was a disater..he was married already for the last 2 yrs and recently had a baby boy!!! i cudnt believe it how cud he cheat on me n on top of that he brought that woman here in his home from pakistan. i had a miscarriage as well...when i encountered him and his family they are accusing me that its my fault i shudnt marry him in the first place. he never supported me financially throughout our marriage i earn myself. i used to go n see him whenevr he came to UK from his trip. all the time he was lying to me while sleeping with another woman. i know islam gives him a right to go for second and third marriage but should they ask the first wife or atleat inform her? and what about my rights? he is saying that i desrved it? y ? just bz i m a woman or bz i trusted him? his family is worse than him they think that i m after his money.. well he gt this job bz of me and i never ask him for even a single penny they are so wrong..cud u plz help me in this regard. he never support me in any way there were nights when i cried for him n he didnt come even though he was in the same country...cud u plz help me to find out what our religion says abt it? and most of all he is not in contact with me anymore and said taht i have to pay the consequncs bz i i disclose his secret. plz help me what to do n what Allah and Rasool (saw) says about it

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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Sister this is precisely why the wali's (bride's father) permission is obligatory for a marriage to be valid. If you broke the laws of society by not getting both the families to participate actively in the marriage then the woman is putting herself in a serious trial as the man does not have to behave himself as he has no pressure from his peers. The woman should realize immediately when the man refuses to involve his family that there is something fishy. If he will not take you to his parents that means you are not worth that honor and respect that a wife deserves. He is just using you and will dump you when he gets bored with you.

Why should his family accept you as they feel you side tracked them and ensnared their son from them and got married secretly. This is what your lier husband has told them. Sister sorry to say you are to blame for this mess. A woman should never trust a man who wishes to marry secretly. Only sins are done in secret, marriages have to be announced loud and clear so that all concerned will take up their responsibilities in the correct manner.

Islam is very clear about marriage and how they should be conducted. If any one dare breaks the laws of Shariah they will have to bear the consequences. You cannot blame Islam for your rebellious actions. A man is permitted to marry up to 4 wives at one time and he is not required to take permission from his wives nor inform them.

Sister this man has clearly used you. You should stop worrying about him as he has proved he is a cheater and a conman. You should initiate a divorce as you can never trust such a slimy man. We are surprised it took you so long to understand his game. 

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Members of Islamhelpline

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