Wife rights in a marriage.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Asalaam Aleihkum.
Dear Brother,
I am a happily married woman, with Allah's Grace my husband and I have a good relation in most aspects of life. We are blessed with a healthy son who is now almost 2.8years.
For the past year, if not more my husband withdraws himself from me sexually. I do keep in mind that he has alot of work pressure, family responibilities, most times being lazy also....among other things that he is occupied with and hence the lack of interest in sexualy activity. But of late he seems completely out of it. When he is in the mood I do not refuse as i know Allah gets upset with such behaviour.
My husband has not kissed me on over 3years. We never have any kind of fun intimate activities. Due to his lack of interest i loose my self esteem . I try on several occassions to start something but he tells me he is tired and we should just sleep. I wonder, you can be tired but tired everyday?
I love my husband. I dont doubt him at all. He fears allah.
But he seems just not interested in sex with me. I am getting frustrated. I have talked to him about this but he tells me he isnt in the mood and his nature is of that way. since we want a child we recently had formality sex, i feel sad. I dont know how to handle this. He loves me i know that.
Please help me.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Sister there are many causes for this type of behavior from men. We will list out a few and hope that you will be able to benefit from some of them.
Some men could have a low libido and it could be cured by consulting an expert medical practitioner in this field. The problem in such cases is that the man usually does not accept this and becomes very uncooperative with the result the problem is not solved. If there is any way you could get this check-up done your problem (his) can be solved very easily.
Then there are some men who get bored with the same women after a certain period. For such men the woman has to be pro-active and devise ways to keep the interest of her man alive. This can be done by keeping abreast with the activities that he likes such as sport, movies, picnics, meeting friends/people, dramas, traveling and the likes.
Or it can be that you have taken him for granted and become complacent, in the sense you might have put on too much weight, do not spend time and effort in making yourself presentable and beautiful, do not use perfume and smell nice always like before, wear clothes that attracts his attention, or give him prime time attention etc..
Sister it could also be a combination of some of the above or dozens of other reasons. All the time you have to understand that this happens to the best of married people. From the outside everything looks honky dory but inside most couples suffer with similar problems in different degrees. You just have to accept this human flaw and learn to live with it to the best of your ability. Also remember this type of behavior is not restricted to men only, women have similar and more complex problems that make their men quite crazy.
Our humble suggestion is that you become conscious and aware of this and start trying out remedies to try and trigger the interest of your husband. Don't make the mistake of over doing it, give him space and time as this cannot be done in a hurry. You will have to be patient and do whatever is necessary with love and affection. All the time keep making supplications to Allah swt alone to help and guide you.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
Members of Islamhelpline
Wister