I have to ask the people about whom i backbited on to forgive me.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Backbiting is a horrible sin.
Inshallah i am trying my best to stop this habit. I made tawbah and inshallah god will forgive me, but some people are telling me that i have to ask the people about whom i backbited on to forgive me. Is it really necessary for me to go and confront them and tell them that i said this and that about them.
If that is necessary lets say that i cannot get in touch with them. Then what?
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Sin of back bitting and repentance
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Statement: Backbiting is a horrible sin.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verse 12:
12 O ye who believe! Avoid suspicion, for suspicion in some cases is a sin: and spy not on each other nor speak ill of each other behind their backs. Would any of you like to eat the flesh of his dead brother? Nay ye would abhor it...but fear Allah: for Allah is Oft-Returning Most Merciful.
Speaking ill behind anothers back or back-biting is an evil deed and a sin in the Sight of Allah Subhanah, regardless of whether one back-bites a believer or a disbeliever! Allah Subhanah commands the believers to hate, abhor, and despise the evil sin of back-biting another behind his back as one would hate to eat the flesh of his own dead brother!!! Such is the gravity and enormity of this minor sin of back-biting in the Sight of The Majestic and Supreme Lord.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.81 Narrated by Ibn Abbas
Once the Prophet (saws) went through the graveyards of Medina and heard the voices of two beings who were being tortured in their graves. The Prophet (saws) said, "They are being punished, but they are not being punished because of a major sin, yet their sins are great. One of them used not to save himself from (being soiled with) the urine, and the other used to go about with calumnies (back-biting)."
Back-biting is absolutely impermissible and a sin in the Sight of the Lord, whether done against a believer or a disbeliever. And just to clarify, back-biting is the speaking of a truth behind anothers back which if said in front of the person he would not like it; if one lies behind anothers back, then it would constitute a much bigger sin and a punishable crime in Shariah, ie. slander!
Your Statement: i am trying my best to stop this habit. I made tawbah and inshallah god will forgive me
The conditions or ways to seek sincere Taubah or Repentance from the Merciful Lord are:
- One is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his sin.
- Makes a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin again.
- Turns to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his appointment of death.
- Is a believer and does righteous good deeds thereafter.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: O My servants who have wronged their own souls.Do not despair of Allahs Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:
When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."
May the Lord Most Merciful accept your striving in abstaining from what He has Declared forbidden, and count your striving amongst your good deeds Insha Allah.
Beloved Brother, if you have realized that you have sinned against the commands of your Lord, and are sincerely sorry and ashamed at your sin, and you have sincerely turned to your Lord seeking His forgiveness, rest assured that your Lord Most Gracious, Most Merciful will forgive you your deed and not hold you accountable for what happened in the past.
Your Question: Is it really necessary for me to go and confront them and tell them that i said this and that about them.
Beloved Brother in Islam, when one transgresses one of the boundaries of their Lord and commits sin, and subsequently turns back to their Lord seeking taubah or forgiveness, it is expected that their Lord will have mercy on them and forgive them their sin.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 66 Surah Tahreem verse 8:
8 O ye who believe! Turn to Allah with tawbatan nasooha (absolutely sincere repentance): in the hope that your Lord will remove from you your ills and admit you to Gardens beneath which Rivers flow, the Day that Allah will not permit to be humiliated the Prophet and those who believe with him. Their Light will run forward before them and by their right hands while they say "O Our Lord! Perfect our Light for us and grant us Forgiveness; for Thou has power over all things."
But if one so fears His Lord, and is so upset at himself for transgressing the boundaries of their Majestic Lord, and so sorry and so ashamed, that his heart will not find peace until he strives and rights the wrong he has done, that he personally goes and seeks the forgiveness of the brother he has wronged; then this his state and striving and making absolutely sure is what Allah Subhanah calls tawbatan nasooha in His Glorious Quran: and this is the absolute best form and method of seeking tawbah!
When one makes and manifests tawbatan nasooha, not only will their Lord Most Merciful forgive them their sin; but from His Sublime and Infinite Mercy and Grace count this striving of theirs as amongst their best and meritorious deeds worthy of earning magnificent and unbelievable rewards from Him. Such is the Mercy, Grace and Bouny of our Lord Most Gracious, who is indeed the Most Merciful of all those who show mercy!
Sahih Muslim Hadith 4207 Narrated by Imran ibn Husayn
A woman from the Juhaynah (tribe) came to Allah's Messenger (saws) and she had become pregnant because of adultery. She said: O Messenger of Allah (saws), I have done something for which (prescribed punishment) must be imposed upon me, so impose that. Allah's Messenger (saws) called her master and said: Treat her well, and when she gives birth bring her to me. He did accordingly. Then Allah's Messenger (saws) pronounced judgment on her. Her clothes were tied around her and then he gave the order and she was stoned to death. He then prayed over her (funeral). Thereupon Umar said to him: O Messenger of Allah (saws), you offer prayer for her although she had committed adultery! Thereupon he (saws) said: She has made such a repentance (taubatan nasooha) that if it were to be divided among seventy men of Medina, it would be enough! Have you found any repentance better than that she sacrificed her life for Allah, the Majestic?
In the above narration, the woman who committed the evil sin of zina could have very well sought repentance directly from her Lord and saved herself from being disgraced and humiliated and punished in the life of this world; for her repentance to her Lord would have wiped out her sin. But this woman sought to make taubatan nasooha, and herself went to the Messenger of Allah (saws), confessed her sin, and asked him to prescribe the Shariah punishment on her! Such was the intensity and acceptability of her repentance in the Sight of the Lord Most Gracious, that not only did Allah Subhanah forgive her the sin of zina, but if the reward she earned for making this sincere repentance were to be divided amongst 70 men of Madinah, it would have sufficed for them!
Your Question: Is it really necessary for me to go and confront them and tell them that i said this and that about them
Thus my beloved brother, if you turned back to your Lord and sought sincere taubah and forgiveness directly from Him for the evil you did in your past, and make a solemn promise with Him that you will not repeat the evil again; it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.
But if you were to personally go back to the brothers and sisters whom you back-bited in the past, and accepted the humiliation and disgrace of confronting and confessing your sin to them and sought their forgiveness, it would constitute the absolute best method of taubatan nasooha, and Allah is our witness brother, not only will the Lord Most Merciful accept your repentance and forgive you your sin, but the reward you will earn for making taubatan nasooha will be absolutely unimaginable!
Thus to answer your question: Is it really necessary, the truth is No; but Allah is our witness brother, if you did go with humility and confronted and confessed the deeds you did to the brothers or sisters you have wronged, it would count as taubatan nasooha in the Sight of your Lord, and not only will you win the love, admiration and respect of the brothers and sisters to whom you confess, the Pleasure and Good Will of the Lord that your this noble act of yours will earn you, will be in good stead in your Book of Records on the Day of Judgment, Insha Allah.
Your Question: lets say that i cannot get in touch with them. Then what?
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 1.1 Narrated byUmar bin Al Khattab
I heard Allah's Messenger (saws) saying, "The reward of deeds depends upon the intentions and every person will get the reward according to what he has intended.
If you have genuinely tried to get in touch with them and cannot locate them, then your Lord Most Gracious will reward you in full for your noble intentions to make taubatan nasooha, Insha Allah.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
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