Is it right that they disapprove me even tho my character is good & I make effort with my iman?
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Pls could you try & guide me. I am 33 years old & have met a 29 yr old man. We wish to get married but his family are not agreeing to our marrige due to me being 5yrs older than him. His mother says that I may not be able to have children and our age difference will be a problem later on in our married life. I try to be a good muslim. I pray my 5 salaah everyday on time & i try & fulfill all my duties towards everybody. People are saying to him that his islamic duties lie with his parents & he will be making a big sin if he marries me when they are unhappy with our union. We both want to do what is right & not hurt anybody but we care alot for each other. Please advise me if I am wrong when I say that his parents are being unreasonable. He is very afraid that he will displease ALLAH(SWT) by marrying me against his parents wishes. They tell him that to attain his jannat he has to make his parents happy. Is it right that they disapprove me even tho my character is good & I make effort with my iman? Pls help us as we do not know what to do. He has been brought up to believe that he should obey his parents. JazakAllah. may ALLAH reward you for your good work. ameen
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Marriage and parents
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
A marriage in Islam is not a simple union between two people, but this sacred relationship binds and unites two full families. If the parents or guardians of any party is not willing to consent to the union, there is absolutely no harm in trying, with absolute humility and patience, to convince them to agree and consent to the marriage. But if after trying ones best, the parents or guardians are still not willing to accept, it would be best and in the interest of all parties to disengage oneself from the marriage and seek to marry another; for marriage in Islam is but an optional and thus Sunnah act, but the obedience of parents is absolutely obligatory or fard.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,