Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Question:salaamalaikum,

I have been married for 4 yrs now. We are from different countries and it was an arranged marriage. We did not get to know each other before marriage.

initially he did not like anything abt me- how i look,way i dress,place i come from just about anything. Even now our relationship is that of good friends rather than of husband and wife. for last 3.5 yrs he has been insisting that i leave him/find someone for myself /we do not connect / i cannot accept you for a wife etc. We had a family meeting about a month ago, since then he does not say any of these but his behaviour has not changed.

We continue to live as good friends, he cares for me, sees to it that i am happy in other way i can be. reason- he was forced to get married to me by his mother ( has no other girl in mind). he likes me and respects me, and tries to do anything for me as far as it does not require a commitment on his part as a husband. No love or physical contact/children.

I also have a little problem- his family did not tell me abt his shortcommings- his IQ is lower than normal or expected of his age,therfore he is not capable of doing what most men his age would do- does not have capability of making a living, understanding emotions/ situations too well. there are many subtle things that are hard to describe. whenever i asked his family abt it they said "he is just different". last month they confirmed my doubts. all these years i have been hurting and angry. i feel ihave done everything i can to make this marriage work.I feel cheated and taken advantage of. They did not tell me the entire truth before marriage although in my mind i had a doubt about it (because he come from a well to do family based in Us and i am form india with lot of family issues and no family in india was accepting of me due to my family issues). Now I am tired,angry and frustrated not only with this situation but with life itself.
I have sincerely tried to make this marriage work and accept him the way he is, and he has been stubborn all allong making it all the more difficult for me. To make things worse I made a mistake- I met a person and I love him. Except for my feelings for him I have done nothing else to be guilty of. He is not aware of my feelings for him. I avoid meeting or talking to him as best as I can. He is not a part of my life, was never and never will be. Now i feel I have nothing to offer to this marriage.

1)    what are my rights as a wife specially in a marriage where he does not have insight into responsibilities/ relationships etc

2)    are my inlaws in any way responsible

3)    I dont know what to do.

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Answer:

Not satisfied with marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: what are my rights as a wife specially in a marriage where he does not have insight into responsibilities/ relationships etc

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 228 (part): And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them (in marriage) according to what is equitable; but men have a degree (of advantage) over them and Allah is Exalted in Power, Wise.

Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, the rights of a wife in marriage in Islam are similar to that of her husband. Amongst the biggest right of each spouse in a marriage is that the couple are willing and able to fulfill their natural physical desire and conjugate with each other. If one amongst the couple is unwilling or unable to develop physical relations with their legally married spouse, then indeed one of the biggest rights of their partner in marriage would be violated.

Under such circumstances the wife has basically two legal options:

If she wishes to save her marriage, she may opt to accept the unusual and un-natural situation and condition of her husband.

If her husband is unwilling or unable to develop a physical relationship with her, she is well within her rights to seek a separation by initiating divorce proceedings against her husband; and there will be absolutely no sin upon her if she does so.

Your Question: are my inlaws in any way responsible

The sacred institution of marriage in Islam is a contract based on trust between the two parties; and if one party were not absolutely honest about the condition of their candidate in marriage, they would indeed be held responsible for their deeds in the Just and Supreme Court of Allah Subhanah on an Inevitable Day.

Having said that, it is also the responsibility of the guardians of each party to thoroughly check and verify the condition of the person they seek to associate in marriage and satisfy themselves whether the situation and condition is acceptable to them or not before approving and consenting to the union.

Thus the responsibility to verify and thoroughly satisfy oneself regarding the condition and situation of the other party is upon both the parties equally when seeking marriage.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan