Disrespect of parents
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Assalamu 3alaikum, PLease tell me the solution that u think is most suitable to this dilemma that I am facing at the moment. Basically I am the brother of a guy that is married to a girl that at the beginning of their relationship they have been going out and nothing wrong was going on(my brother is religious walhamdulillah),after that when things got serious and my brother Tariq decided to get engaged my family refused but he insisted and said that whatever we have to say will not stand infront fo him fromn the islamic point of view. My brothert got married to her and has an excellent career as an engineer(a job that his father-in-law got him)but he got married to a girl the was recently before the marriage not good with my mother and lied on several occasions with me being the witness to it all and now my mother is very very upset with my brother and his wife , especially with her father since he was extremely rude to her once in the early morning. But my brother did not do or say abnything towards that on the c9ontrary he was perfectly normal with them. That is one point. Now the next point is that in the old days my mum likes to sit with us and discuss our lives with her and what`s going on with us, but my brother was not exactly dedicated to that, on the contrary he was not respecting that issue that much and after listening to what my mum has to say to teach us the way of life and good from bad, he`s sometimes not listening and being quite disrespectful, saying that she talks a lot!! and that she`s always repeating what sher says. O.K, sometimes she is, bvut he should never forget(especially that he is religious and prays 5 tims a day)that she is is mother that he must obey. She thinks that his wife`s family is taking advantage of him since he is very clever and more good looking than his wife. Personally I think she is mostly right, he is more good looking inb a way but he goes crazy if someone of us, his family, is disagreeing with him. PLease tell mne u`r general opinion towards this and I`ll be very grateful. I`m trying to fix things between them but it`s vewry hard for me. Thank u. Wassalamu3alaikum wa rahmatullahu wa barakatuhu.
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In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.4 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
Allah's Messenger (saws) said. "It is one of the greatest sins that a man should curse his parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.8 Narrated by Anas bin Malik
Allah's Messenger (saws) mentioned the greatest sins or he was asked about the greatest sins. He (saws) said, "To join partners in worship with Allah; to kill a soul which Allah has forbidden to kill; and to be undutiful or unkind to one's parents."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 9.9 Narrated by Abdullah bin Amr
The Prophet said, "Al-Kaba'ir (the biggest sins) are: To join others (as partners) in worship with Allah, to be undutiful to one's parents,and to take a false oath."
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 8.2 Narrated by Abu Huraira
A man came to Allah's Messenger (saws) and said, "O Allah's Messenger (saws)! Who is more entitled to be treated with the best companionship by me?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man said. "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man further said, "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your mother." The man asked for the fourth time, "Who is next?" The Prophet (saws) said, "Your father."
Dear and Beloved Brother in Islam, indeed the disrespect, dishonor or disobedience to ones parents is considered one of the gravest sins in Islam. At times it may seem to the children that the decisions and statements of their parents are strict and harsh and insensitive towards their off-spring; but under no circumstances, and I repeat no circumstances should the child ever doubt that the parents do not love them or they hold any hatred or animosity towards them.
Allah Subhanah is our witness, that Allah has created no being more merciful and loving towards a human being, than ones own parents! He has bestowed in the inherent nature of parents love and mercy towards their off-spring; and has created no better well-wisher for a human being than ones own parents! No matter what they say and do towards you, and no matter how it may seem on the outside that their decision is against you or your well-being; beloved brother, rest assured that it is not in their inherent nature to be evil or treacherous towards their off-spring! No matter how harsh or strict their decisions upon their children may sound or be, Allah is our witness, they mean nothing but good for their children!
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24: Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say uff to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verses 13-14:
13 Behold Luqman said to his son by way of instruction: "O my son! Join not in worship (others) with Allah: for false worship is indeed the highest wrong-doing."
14 And We (Allah) have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him, and in years twain was his weaning: (Hear the command:) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.
After the rights due to Allah Subhanah, in Islam the biggest rights in all mankind is due to our parents.
Regarding the rights and obligations of our parents upon us, it is imperative and obligatory on every believer, who fears Allah and the Last Day, to treat and obey his parents in absolutely everything, except if they ask you to do something which is against the command of Allah and His Messenger (saws). Other than that, their word is basically a command for us! We are not allowed in any circumstance to groan, moan, growl, whimper or even say uff to them! We have to obey them in every respect, as long as their command is not against Allah and His Messenger (saws). We have been enjoined by Allah Subhanah to be kind to them, be patient with them, be merciful to them, be obedient to them, and treat them with the utmost respect. So much so, that this right and obligation is termed fard ain(absolutely obligatory for every individual) in Islam. And fard ain means, that no matter how old you are 10-20-50-90 as along as one or both of your parents are alive, you have to be obedient to them! No one can do this on your behalf you have the obligation to do it yourself! This is the high station and the elevated maqaam of parents in Islam.
No one loves us more or are better well-wishers than our parents, and we are commanded by our Lord and Creator to respect and be kind to them in the utmost. If they curse you, you pray for them; if they abuse you, you be humble in front of them, if they refuse to see you, you go in all humility and sit outside their door, if they take your wealth and money, send them some more from yourself, if they even slap you, you dont even raise an eyebrow! No matter what they do and say, it is the duty of the children to obey Allah and His Messenger (saws) and be kind, humble, tender, and merciful towards their parents.and seek their reward from the Merciful Lord on the Day of Judgement.
If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), he can be assured of being led astray.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,