Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear Brother in Islam,
Thank you very much for replying to my query. If this was the case then dear brother I wouldnt have written to you to help me. I tolerated everthing by being patient, taking care, respecting etc of my in-laws...I even mortgaged and sold some of my jewellery to get my younger brother in law married. What did I get in return? Instead of appreciation they insulted me in whole public..not only they but their relatives, friends, neighbours too did the same. My husband who was with them all this while too felt bad..this is why he is angry with his people and not keeping in touch with them because they dont care for my daughter too. Thank you for your guidance but I think you did not read my question properly nor try to understand it. All you have said is that we should not illtreat our parents and one should not try to sever the blood relations, so dont you think dear brother in Islam that the same thing applies to my in laws too? Because they are trying to sever the relationship of a father and daughter where daughter has no one to take care of her if the father leaves her.. Is the realtion of a father and daughter or father and son not a blood relation? Allah says to us human beings that I have brought you into this world and I shall feed you and take care of you and we too have to do our duty respectively..like wise we are giving birth to our children if we leave them because our parents say so then is it right? Does Allah say that the parents can tell their children to leave their legal grand children? Has he given them this right too? If you have any proof of this give it to me please. Thank you once again. Please reply.
(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
Your Question: Thank you for your guidance but I think you did not read my question properly nor try to understand it. All you have said is that we should not illtreat our parents and one should not try to sever the blood relations, so dont you think dear brother in Islam that the same thing applies to my in laws too?
My beloved sister in Islam, Allah is our witness we did read your question properly, and tried to understand your situation to the best of our ability. The situation that you have described in your family is not something exclusive to your household, but unfortunately is a common phenomena in many families.
If one sought the guidance from any worldly source for these issues, they would have been advised to sever the relationships which have become sour, and carry on life without these relationships! But Allah Subhanah blessed you and gave you the courage and the wisdom to seek the guidance of Truth and the solution from the Quran and Sunnah; and that is all we have tried our best to do.
It is not that we condone or excuse the pattern of behavior of your in-laws! Had they asked us the question, we would have given them the exact same advice from the Quran and Sunnah to have patience, and fulfill their duties and responsibilities towards their children, their childrens wives, and their grand-children. Allah Subhanah has forbidden the believers to break or cut relations which He has created for mankind, and the one who advocates or breaks these bonds of relationships will be brought forth as a sinner in the Just Court of Allah Subhanah on an Inevitable Day!
Allah Subhanah enjoins in the Holy Quran Chapter 13 Surah Ar-Raad verse 25: As for those who break their covenant with Allah after confirming it, who cut asunder (relationships) which Allah has bidden to be joined, and spread chaos on the earth; theirs shall be the curse, and they shall have a wretched abode in the Hereafter.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Bakarah verse 27: And He leads astray only those who disobey Allah, who break Allahs covenant after ratifying it, who cut asunder( relationships) what Allah has ordered to be joined, and who produce chaos on the Earth. These are indeed the people who are the losers.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3656 Narrated by AbuMusa al-Ash'ari
The Prophet (saws) said, "There are three who will not enter paradise: one who is addicted to wine, one who breaks ties of relationship, and one who believes in magic."
Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4884 Narrated by Abu Bakrah
The Prophet (saws) said: There is no sin more fitted to have punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and sever ties of relationship.
The Messenger of Allah (saws) advised the believers to treat the close relationships of kith and kin with kindness and mercy even if they treat you with harshness; if they try to sever their relationships with you, you try to the best of your ability to enjoin the relationships!
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 41 Surah Fusselat verses 33-36:
33 Who is better in speech than one who calls (men) to Allah, works righteousness, and says "I am of those who bow in Islam"?
34 Nor can Goodness and Evil be equal. Repel (Evil) with what is better: then will he between whom and thee was hatred, become as it were thy friend and intimate!
35 And no one will be granted such goodness, except those who exercise patience and self-restraint; none but persons of the greatest good fortune.
36 And if (at any time) an incitement to discord is made to thee by the Shaitaan, seek refuge in Allah. He is the One Who hears and knows all things.
If one treats their kith and kin in a harsh manner just because they are treating him in an evil manner, then it would not be construed as righteousness or good Islamic behavior; but rather it would be revenge! Every person will be brought forth in the Court of Allah Subhanah alone, to give a full accounting of their deeds! If your in-laws have treated your harshly and unfairly, they will be accountable for their deeds, and you for yours.
Thus no matter what they do and say, you as a believer in Allah and the Last Day, are bound to stay within the boundaries laid down by Allah and His Messenger (saws). No matter what they do and say, you must do and say only that which is righteous and pleasing to Allah Subhanah; that would be a conduct which would behove a true believer.
If one tries to get appreciation from someone for the good deeds one has done to them in this world; chances are most of the time people will disappoint you! It is only when one fears the standing in the Court of Allah, and constantly does good righteous deeds, expecting their reward from none other than Allah Subhanah; then and only then will one be able to develop patience and mercy towards his fellow human beings, and thus will strive to always do righteous deeds that are pleasing to his/her Merciful Lord.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allahs Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in Islam,