Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

As Salaam u alaikum Brother Burhan,

I have a huge problem with which i need your advice and guidance. I hope that Allah Subhaanahu wa taala can guide me through you.

okay before i tell you anything i have to say that i Love my family and respect all the indivisual members in my own little way. I, myself may not be the best daughter a father could have but i try to keep peace between myself and other members whenever i can. However my `trying` or whatever it is called is not accepted my father.

Now i have to tell you that the problem is between my father and myself. It has been Alhamdulillah 20 years that i have watched my father get angry, go into a full rage, smack me around the house (although i don`t blame him sometimes because it would be my fault sometimes) and abuse me; and here i mean really abuse me..verbally. I cannot spell it out but i hope you understand what i am trying to say. I have found along the rest of my family members that whenevr it is his time to go out of the country to pakistan or whenevr something does not go wrong, he singles me out and takes all his frustration out on me. As if that isn`t enough, up until 5-6 years ago he started calling me a Bxxxxx. ( i probably shouldn`t have told u that)

Anyway, he says this a lot..only to me and no1 else. the first time i was shocked, second time i threatened him to prove that it was true by taking a big knife and about to cut whatever was necessary..try a DNA test to prove what he was trying to say. Unfortunately or Fortunately my little sister slapped me and it was over. She is a very good sister and knows how i feel about things. I decided that if he said it again i would not feel bad as i know there is no doubt with my being a legitimate child.

Time went on and he hasn`t stopped and now yet again...he managed to insult me in front of hundreds of people on the street for something not even worth getting angry about first of all, and then ended it all by calling em that word again. Now here is the problem. he thinks i called him that name back. Whereas what happened was that i simply said thank You and that i knew who my father was! Since then he hasn`t talked to me properly and my mom eventually told me that he said that i called him `that". I approached him a couple of days later and denied ever saying something like that to him. i even explained that i would never insult someone like this or go around abusing some1`s parents to which he replied that i could respect other`s parents but not my own! Anyway, it did not work and i finally told him that i have denied saying something like that and that it was his decision in the end and left. What i want to know from you brother Burhan is that since he does not reply to my salaam and does not talk to me, according to my brother, if that happens for more than 3 days..a person is not a muslim anymore. is this true? Do you have any suggestions of what should be done?

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Father daughter Problems

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-25:

23 Thy Lord hath decreed that ye worship none but Him and that ye be kind to parents. Whether one or both of them attain old age in thy life say not to them a word of contempt nor repel them but address them in terms of honor.

24 And out of kindness lower to them the wing of humility and say: "My Lord! bestow on them Thy Mercy even as they cherished me in childhood."

25 Your Lord knoweth best what is in your hearts: if ye do deeds of righteousness verily He is Most Forgiving to those who turn to Him again and again (in true penitence).

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 31 Surah Luqman verses 14-15:

14 And We have enjoined on man (to be good) to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and in years twain was his weaning: (hear the command) "Show gratitude to Me and to thy parents: to Me is (thy final) Goal.

15 "But if they strive to make the join in worship with Me things of which thou hast no knowledge obey them not; Yet bear them company in this life with justice (and consideration) and follow the way of those who turn to Me (in love): in the End the return of you all is to Me and I will tell you the truth (and meaning) of all that ye did."

After the rights due to Allah Subhanah, in Islam the biggest rights in all mankind is due to our parents. Thus other than the one thing of them commanding their children to worship other gods with Allah, it is the solemn and sacred duty of every believer to be absolutely and unconditionally obedient to their parents.

Thus my beloved sister, regardless of how your parents treat you, regardless of whatever they say, regardless of whatever they do, regardless of everything other than their commanding you to worship another god with Allah Subhanah….. you remain courteous, kind, tender, submissive, polite, and absolutely and unconditionally obedient to them in the extreme! If they ever curse you, you pray for them; if they scream at you, you lower your voice in humility; if they verbally abuse you, you say nothing but words of tender and kindness to them; even if they were to (Allah forbid) slap you on one cheek, in absolute humility you provide the other cheek! That is the level of humility and tenderness Islam demands from the believing children towards their parents! If one can bring himself to such a level of humility to their parents only because their Lord Creator has commanded them; Allah is our witness, the reward they will receive in the Presence of their Lord Most Gracious will be unimaginable!

Thus my dear and beloved Sister in Islam, if your father, for any reason whatsoever, regardless of whether it is justified or not, is so upset with you that he does not talk to you nor replies to your salaams….. you go to him in all politeness and in extreme humility seek his forgiveness, even if you have to go to him a thousand times!; but it is your duty to make sure that he is pleased with you!

Your father, if his actions towards you are unjustified will be responsible for his deeds in the Court of Allah; but Allah is our witness sister, if you can bring yourself to be humble and polite and tender and obedient to him in the extreme, regardless of whatever he says or does, only for the sake of Allah Subhanah, you will have your full reward when you meet with your Lord Most Majestic on that Inevitable Day!

Your Question: What i want to know from you brother Burhan is that since he does not reply to my salaam and does not talk to me, according to my brother, if that happens for more than 3 days..a person is not a muslim anymore. is this true?

To the best of our knowledge, I have not come across an authentic narration as quoted by your brother!

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 4895 Narrated by Aisha, Ummul Mu'minin

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘It is not right for a Muslim to keep apart from another Muslim for more than three days. Then when he meets him and gives three salutations, receiving during that time no response, the other bears his sin.’

Beloved Sister, regardless of whether you are at fault or not, you keep going to your father seeking his forgiveness in absolute humility; and if you have to initiate the greetings of honor to him a million times before he answers, then you bring yourself to do that, again in absolute humility and tenderness. Allah is our witness sister, if you can bring yourself to this level of humility and tenderness for the sake of Allah Subhanah Alone, the reward you will receive in the Presence of your Lord Most Gracious will be overwhelming!

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan