Father's sins & repentance
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
My
questions remain unanswered, and i really need help with them right now, but to
understand my questions fully youll need to know some background info.. here
goes past 2 and a half years ive been living in
for
many years my cousin was trying to marry me. at a time i considered it for the
familys and my own parents happiness but decided not to because i didnt think i
could live with him. this caused many problems. i was threatened with forced
marriage. it didnt happen (Alhamdulillah) at the time another marriage proposal
came, a nice one, but i didnt want to accept because i want to focus on my
studies and felt an engagement would not be best. more problems, but my family
finally agreed (Alhamdulillah again). a part of me realized at the time that i
have feelings for my colleague. i dont plan on acting on them, i stay away as
much as possible in fact.
now
recently, i fear my father is having an affair. hes in us, my mother is here in
my
mother is going to US soon to put an end to this. he said in a recent phone
conversation that we as a family never heeded his advice, i said no to the
proposals he wanted me to accept, and other complaints.
now my
questions
1. are
my past sins forgiven if ive done tauba? what is the proper way to ask
forgiveness? i did not commit fornification but i came close because i was in a
relationship...do i need to be punished with 100 lashes as per Quran? im
willing to if i find a group of people who wont make this public..
2. the
disappointments, the disobeying of my father, how do i ask forgiveness for
those?
3. am
i in the wrong for continuously turning down marriage proposals to focus on
studying and work? i know in the Quran it says to marry early as possible, but
it also says were allowed to study as much as we want, and i cant do the two
together..
4. my
liking my colleague. ive kept my feelings to myself. if anything i would like
to one day marry him. though i realize its unlikely as i wont ever say it and
he wont ever ask. but i do pray that if we are not bad for each other, and if
he has some liking for me as i do for him, then we would end up married to each
other. is there a proper dua to ask? is this allowed
5. how
do i bring my dad to the right path? what is a prayer i can make for him to
come back to the family and his marriage with my mother?
6. my
mother and father, in their rashness, shouldnt make any decisions concering me
and the future. just tell me islamic quranic or sunnati duas to ask.
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Answer:
Father’s sins &
repentance
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and
whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness
that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that
Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.
1. are
my past sins forgiven if ive done tauba? what is the proper way to ask
forgiveness? i did not commit fornification but i came close because i was in a
relationship...
My dear beloved sister, whatever deeds one
might have done, if one turns to Allah Subhanah in sincere Taubah
and seeks forgiveness, Allah Subhanah has promised in the Holy Quran
that He will forgive all the sins of such a believer. Not only
that, our Lord is so Merciful and Generous, that He not
only will forgive the sins of the believer, He will change his evil
deeds done into good deeds!
The conditions or way to seek sincere Taubah
or Repentance from the Merciful Lord is:
- One
is aware that he has sinned, and feels sorry and ashamed at his
sin.
- Makes
a solemn covenant and promise with Allah that he will not repeat his sin
again.
- Turns
to Allah and seeks forgiveness, before he has met with his
appointment of death.
- Is
a believer and does righteous good deeds.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah
Zumur verses 53-54:
(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged
their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He
indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return
to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for
then you may get no help from anywhere.”
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale
Imraan verse 135-136:
Allah likes such good people very much,
who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the
commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their
shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive
sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in
the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness
from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals
flow, and they will reside therein forever! How
excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!
My dear Beloved sister in Islam, if you have sinned in the
past and have now sincerely made taubah, do not despair of the Mercy of our
Ever Forgiving Lord and rest assured that He forgives all sins of His sincere
repentant slaves as long as they have solemnly vowed not to repeat the same.
You do not have to take any punishment such as lashes etc., making taubah and
constant supplications is more than sufficient.
It is reported in an authentic narration that
the Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘All of the Children of Adam are sinners,
and the best of the sinners are those who are
constant in seeking (Allah’s) forgiveness.’
1a. do i
need to be punished with 100 lashes as per Quran? im willing to if i find a
group of people who wont make this public..
Respected sister,it would be prudent never ever to expose
the evil you might have done in your past to anyone, especially after The Lord
Most Gracious has concealed it Himself.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 2492 Narrated by Hudhayfah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "It is
not fitting for a believer to demean himself." On being asked how he could
demean himself he (saws) replied, "By exposing himself to a calamity which
he has not the capacity to endure."
It would be best and purest to confess the sins one might
have committed or the evil that might have transpired in one’s past to none
save Allah Subhanah; and never ever expose those deeds of the past which one is
ashamed of to anyone in creation, especially after Allah Subhanah, in His Grace
and Mercy, has concealed those deeds Himself.
Sister, being in a state of wudhu at all times, performing
the 5 obligatory prayers in their prescribed times, reading the Quran with
understanding daily as much as is easy for you, paying the zakat, fasting
during Ramadhan, keeping in the company of good righteous Muslima sisters and
doing good righteous deeds will go a long way to earn the pleasure of your
Merciful Lord who will InshaAllah grant you success in this life and the
hereafter.
2. the
disappointments, the disobeying of my father, how do i ask forgiveness for
those?
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 14 Surah
Ibraheem verse 41:
41 "O our Lord! Cover (us) with Thy
Forgiveness; me my parents and (all) Believers on the Day that the
Reckoning will be established!"
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith
4.248 Narrated byAbdullah
bin Amr
A man came to the Prophet asking
his permission to take part in Jihad. The Prophet asked him, "Are your
parents alive?" He replied in the affirmative. The Prophet said to him,
"Then exert yourself in their
service."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
2357 Narrated by Abdullah ibn
Mas'ud
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "He who
repents of a sin is like him who has committed no sin."
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
2338 Narrated by Abdullah ibn
Umar
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "Allah
accepts a servant's repentance (taubah) till he gives up his spirit in
death."
If one has wronged one in creation and that
person is alive, it would only be piety and righteousness in the Sight of the
Lord that one seek forgiveness for their wrong not only from Allah Subhanah,
but also from the person whom they have wronged…..that would be akin to seeking
sincere repentance in the Sight of Allah Subhanah.
5.how do
i bring my dad to the right path? what is a prayer i can make for him to come
back to the family and his marriage with my mother?
Allah says in the Holy Quran: Chapter 16, Surah
An-Nahl Ayat 125:
Invite
to the way of your Lord with wisdom and excellent admonition and argue with
people in the best manner. Your Lord knows best who has gone astray from His
Way and who is Rightly guided.
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah
Ale-Imraan verse 110:
110 Ye (O believers) are the best of
peoples evolved for mankind, ye
enjoin that what is right, forbid that what is evil, and ye
believe in Allah.
Sahih Muslim Hadith
6470 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘He who called
(people) to righteousness, there would be reward (assured) for him like the
rewards of those who adhered to it, without their rewards being diminished in
any respect. And he who called (people) to error, he shall have to carry (the
burden) of its sin, like those who committed it, without their sins being
diminished in any respect.’
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 10 Surah
Yunus verses 40-44:
Some of these people will believe in (The
Message) and others will not. Your Lord knows these
mischief-makers very well indeed. If these people deny you, say to them: “I am responsible for my deeds and you
are for yours. You are not accountable for what I do, nor am I
for what you do.” There are many among them who hear what
you say, but will you make the deaf to listen to you, even though they be
incapable of understanding this? Then there are many others among
them who see you. But will you show the way to the blind, even
though they be bereft of sight? The fact is that Allah does not in
any way wrong the people, but they wronged themselves.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter
17 Surah Israa verse 15:
Who receiveth guidance receiveth it for his own
benefit: who goeth astray doth so to his own
loss: no bearer of
burdens will bear the burden of another: nor would We visit
with Our Wrath until We had sent a Messenger (to give warning).
You are not responsible for your fathers sins. The most
you can do is make sincere constant supplications to Allah swt to have mercy on
him and forgive him his sins and guide him to become righteous. You should
perform voluntary (nafl salah) prayers and lots of supplications (duaa) to
Allah swt begging Him to join your parents again in love and a happy married
life.
Allah swt has commanded us to be very obedient to our
parents. You must humbly ask your parents forgiveness immediately and ensure
that henceforth you take care of honoring all their legal wishes.
3. am i in the wrong
for continuously turning down marriage proposals to focus on studying and work?
i know in the Quran it says to marry early as possible, but it also says were
allowed to study as much as we want, and i cant do the two together..
Allah and His Messenger (saws) have declared marriage a Sunnah (voluntary) in Islam, but have commanded and made it ‘Fard-Ayn’ (absolutely obligatory) on every believer to obey
their parents.
It is better and
purer for the believer, who sincerely believes in Allah and the
Last Day, to obey his/her
parents; in preference to
his/her desires.
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone
but Him Alone! Treat your
parents with great kindness; if
either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’
to them; nor rebuke
them; but speak to them
kind words. Treat them with
humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought
me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
It does not behove a believer, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last
Day, to oppose his parents
in anything; except if they
force you to worship another deity with Allah! Leave alone opposing
them on a trivial matter like choosing one’s partner in marriage; Allah has
commanded the believers that they should not even say ‘uff’
to them! AllahSubhanah has
commanded the believers to treat their parents with great kindness, with humility, and with tenderness; and never ever to rebuke them in
anything, but
rather, always speak kind words to them and supplicate the Merciful Lord
to have mercy on them.
Your not accepting the proposals of your parents by itself
is not a sin because Allah swt has given you the right to accept or reject a
proposal. However, your choice of life partner must be endorsed by your father.
His approval is one of the obligatory requirements of your marriage.
4. my liking my
colleague. ive kept my feelings to myself. if anything i would like to one day
marry him. though i realize its unlikely as i wont ever say it and he wont ever
ask. but i do pray that if we are not bad for each other, and if he has some
liking for me as i do for him, then we would end up married to each other.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3118 Narrated
by Umar ibn al-Khattab
The Prophet (saws) said, "Whenever a man
is alone with a woman, the Devil makes a third."
You should refrain from meeting your colleague alone, and
perform the istikhara prayers and leave the matter in the hands of Allah swt..
However, if none of you are going to make your feelings known to each other,
there is very little chance of an union. We strongly suggest you take the help
of somebody you trust from your family ie; cousin sister, uncle, aunt, girl
friend etc., to inform your colleague of your interest and take up the matter
from there.
4a is there a proper
dua to ask? is this allowed
Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 186:
And if My servants ask
you, O Prophet, concerning Me, tell them that I am quite
near to them. I hear and answer the prayer of the
suppliant, when he calls on Me. So let them respond to My
call and believe in Me. (Convey this to them), perhaps
they may be guided aright!
The All Knowing, All Wise Allah knows what is
good and what is bad for us; therefore, if one asks for
something good and lawful, Allah will give him/her one of three
things:
- Allah
will give the believer what he/she has supplicated for.
- If
what the believer is asking is not good or harmful for the believer in
this world, Allah will store it for him for the world of the Hereafter.
- If
what the believer is asking is not good or harmful for the believer in
this world, Allah will turn away from the believer an equivalent amount of
evil.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith
2257 Narrated by Abu Sa'id
al-Khudri
The Prophet (saws) said, "Any Muslim who
makes a supplication containing nothing which is sinful, or which involves
breaking ties of relationship, will be given for it by Allah one of
three things: He will give him swift answer, or store it up for him in the next
world, or turn away from him an equivalent amount of
evil." Those who heard it said they would then make many
supplications and he (saws) replied that Allah was more ready to answer than
they were to ask.
Nu'man b. Bashir reported that the Prophet
(saws), said, "Verily supplication is worship."
Narrated by Ahmad and Sunan.
Abu Hurairah reported, "The Prophet
(saws) said, "Nothing is more dear to Allah than one's supplication to
Him.''
Narrated by Tirmidhi and Ibn Majah.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is only ones.
Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and well wisher in Islam,
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