Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamu alaikum Dear Burhanbhai,

May Allah reward you well for your efforts. Aameen.

My parents have been looking for a suitable groom for my sister for over a year now. There have come so many many proposals, but it so happens that those that my father agree to, my sister sees some fault in them, such as he is not religious or not of sound character. Twice it so happened that my sister liked the proposals that was brought to her very much, but our father upon further consideration refused to the match. The reasons he cited were such as

the boy was not fair enough or tall enough, even though he was taller than my sister and upon further pressurising, my father said that he couldn't feel in his heart happiness to give his daughter away to this person.

the boy's sister had not given birth to a child even after 7 years of marriage and the younger brother was on medication for the rest of his life for some health problem, which resulted after a transplant.

Both these boys were very religious and both of them liked my sister that they were ready to accept her even after we said no once. They returned to us and asked us if we were ready to reconsider even after we said no to them. Inspite of all this, my dad refused. His argument is that as parents they have certain wishes and hopes or aspirations.

We love our parents so much and we do not want to do anything against the wishes of our parents, but we feel sad that my sister is getting older and older sitting at home. She is now past 24 and she completed her education course this January. Now in a couple of months she will turn 25 and it will become still harder to find someone.

My question here is - is what my father doing a sin? Is it right for us to wait until a proposal comes along where he feels right and gives the boy to my sister (after her approval too)? My father had said that if we thought it was right, we were free to get my sister married off to these boys but he would not like it - Is it against our boundaries to take such liberties by making our father unhappy?

I do not want my father to take the burden of this mistake to his after life. If his ways are of error, then I would like to point it out to him, else, I would like to remain silent and let him take care of matters as he sees best and not be worried about this too much, since we do not know what Allah (swt) has planned for my sister. Inshallah, we all hope and pray the best for her.

Thank you sir, for your efforts in helping us be better Muslims.

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

How to chose for marriage

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah Baqarah verse 221 (part):

221 …..Nor marry (your girls) to disbelievers until they believe.

It is permissible in Islam for the parents/guardians of the believing woman to seek to marry their daughter to any amongst the non-mehram believing males they wish or approve of. When seeking to marry one’s girls, the Messenger of Allah (saws) guided and advised the parents/guardians of the girl to satisfy themselves on two aspects:

1. That the person is sound in his practice of religion
2. That the person has a good character.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on earth and extensive corruption.'

Your Question: My question here is - is what my father doing a sin? Is it right for us to wait until a proposal comes along where he feels right and gives the boy to my sister (after her approval too)?

There is no better well-wisher than one’s own parents; thus if the father of the girl, for any reason, decides or determines that the proposal is not worthy of his daughter, he is well within his rights to reject the proposal and there would be no sin upon him….but it would definitely not be akin to piety and righteousness if one kept on rejecting proposals for the marriage of their daughters only because of one’s physical looks, or because one is not too fair, or not too tall, or not too wealthy, etc.

If one receives a proposal from a suitor with whose practice of religion and character one is satisfied with, it would be best to take the advice of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and accede to their request.

Your Question: My father had said that if we thought it was right, we were free to get my sister married off to these boys but he would not like it - Is it against our boundaries to take such liberties by making our father unhappy?

Sunan of Abu-Dawood Hadith 2078 Narrated by Aisha

The Messenger of Allah (saws) said: ‘The marriage of a woman who marries without the consent of her guardians is void.’ (He (saws) repeated this sentence three times.)

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."

It would neither be piety nor righteousness in the Sight of Allah Subhanah that a believing woman, who sincerely fears Allah and the Last Day, gives herself in marriage without the consent of her ‘wali’ or father/guardian…..but rather Islam guides that the believing woman should marry one whom both, she and her guardians approve of.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan