I am 23 years old lady. being a human my body also have desire which is called sex.
Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.
(May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our brothers/sisters has asked
this question:
sallam
bhai,
i am
23 years old lady. being a human my body also have desire which is called
sex...i believe it is very true what ours olders have said... girl should get
married at early age...
before i go in to wrong thing i want to get married, i have been working for
past 4 years, in this 4 years my parents have not thought of getting me married
and still not want me to marry soon, they are looking for people who are high
valued and should be good looking guy.
i like some one, his parents like me too..not because i like only his son
because i like his full family.they are nice and simple people.
i did
istakhara and result was very good. i did istakhara not once but many time...
my mom is the one who take all the decisions...she has said clearly that if i
want i can do court marrage but she will not agree or bend...
his family send the proposal very nicely but my mom insulted them very badly
and said she will get me maried to some servant but not to his son
what do u suggest me i felt so bad for what my mom did to them, but am happy
atleast allah is with me...
and will help me all in all my dificulties...and will forgive me for what sins
i do...he forgives if we ask him....
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Answer:
Mothers refusal to
Marriage
In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His
help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide,
and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear
witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear
witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His
Messengers.
Dear and beloved sister in Islam, if you can convince your
parents to approve and give their consent, then indeed marry the man whom you
love; but if you are unable to obtain the consent of your parents to marry that
particular man, marry another man whom both you and your parents approve
of……but whatever the case, do not disobey your parents, for marriage is but a
voluntary act in Islam, but to obey the lawful commands of one’s parents is an
absolutely obligatory duty of every believer who sincerely believes in Allah
and the Last Day.
Allah says in the Holy
Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:
Your
Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him
Alone! Treat your parents with great
kindness; if either or both of them
attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and
pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them,
just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4941 Narrated byAbu Umamah
A man said, "O Messenger of Allah (saws)
what rights can parents demand from their children?" He (saws) replied, "They are (or
your relation with them will determine) your
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 3.821 Narrated by Anas
The Prophet (saws) was asked about the ‘Grave
Sins’, and He (saws) replied, "They are:--
(1 ) To join others in worship with Allah,
(2) To be undutiful to one's parents,
(3) To kill a person (which Allah has
forbidden to kill)
(4) And to give a false witness."
Second only to absolute gravest sin and abomination of
‘shirk’ (associating others with Allah Subhanah) in gravity of sins in the
Sight of Allah Subhanah is the disobedience to the lawful commands of one’s
parents!
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 4928 Narrated by Abud Darda
When a man came to him and said, "I have
a wife whom my mother commands me to divorce," he replied to him that he
had heard Allah's Messenger (saws) say, "A parent is the best of the
gates of Paradise; so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it."
Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 2 Surah
Baqarah verse 216:
216 ……But it is possible that ye dislike a thing which is good for you
and that ye love a thing which is bad for you.
But Allah knoweth and ye know not.
Dear and beloved Sister, if you do not approve of your
parents choice, and the parents do not approve of your choice, then marry
someone else whom both you and your parents approve of….but under absolutely no
situation would it be considered righteousness for a believing woman to arrange
her own marriage without the approval and consent of her parents.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3137 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "A woman
may not give a woman in marriage, nor may she give herself in marriage, for the
immoral woman is the one who gives herself in marriage."
The parents too have a duty towards the well-being of
their children in Islam, and if the parents are satisfied with the character
and practice of religion of the believer who has sent the proposal, and find
that their daughter wishes to agree to that proposal…..the parents should give
their consent to the marriage.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone
with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in
marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation
on earth and extensive corruption.'
But if there is a situation whereby either the daughter
does not wish to accept the proposal and choice presented by her parents; or
the parents do not give their consent to the choice of their daughter…..then it
would only be piety and righteousness on the part of the daughter to seek to
marry someone else whom she and her parents both approve of…..for Islam guides
that neither the parents should force their daughter to marry someone she does
not wish to marry; nor should the daughter force her parents to accept her
choice.
Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only
due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me
alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is
the Only Source of Strength.
Your brother and
well wisher in Islam,
Burhan
Wister