Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh. (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

My question is..
What is the level a wife should give to her husband?
ie increase her voice in any case? 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Argue with husband

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is none worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 30 Surah Rome verse 21:

21 And among His Signs is this that He created for you mates from among yourselves that ye may dwell in tranquility with them and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts); verily in that are Signs for those who reflect.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 4 Surah Nisaa verse 34:

34 Men are the protectors and maintainers of women because Allah has given the one more than the other and because they support them from their means. Therefore the righteous women are devoutly obedient and guard in (the husband's) absence what Allah would have them guard. As to those women on whose part ye fear disloyalty and ill-conduct admonish them (first), (next) refuse to share their beds, (and last) beat them (lightly); but if they return to obedience seek not against them means (of annoyance): for Allah is The Most High and The Greatest.

Islam has guided both the husband and the wife to honor each other, respect each other, cherish each other, and one amongst Allah’s Signs is that He has put love and mercy between them so that they may dwell with each other in peace and tranquility in the sacred bond of marriage.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 278 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘The most perfect Muslim in the matter of faith is one who has excellent behaviour; and the best among you are those who behave best towards their wives.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3252 Narrated by Aisha ; Abdullah ibn Abbas

Allah's Messenger (saws) said, "The best of you is he who is best to his family, and I am the best among you to my family."

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3465 Narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘The whole world is a provision, and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.’

Sahih Muslim Hadith 3469 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

Allah's Messenger (saws) said: ‘a believing man should not hate a believing woman (his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics, he will be pleased with another.

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3358 Narrated by AbuBakr as-Siddiq

The Prophet (saws) said, "One who treats badly those under his authority will not enter Paradise."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3272 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

When Allah's Messenger (peace be upon him) was asked which woman was best he replied, "The one who pleases (her husband) when he looks at her, obeys him when he gives a command, and does not go against his wishes regarding her person or property by doing anything of which he disapproves."

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 285 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘Had it been permissible that a person may prostrate himself before another, I would have ordered that a wife should prostrate herself before her husband.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 284 Narrated by AbuAli Talq ibn Ali

The Prophet (saws) said:’When a man sends for his wife for the satisfaction of his need, she should go to him even if she may be occupied in baking bread.’

Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 286 Narrated by Umm Salamah

The Prophet (saws) said: ‘If a woman dies while her husband was pleased with her, she will enter Paradise.’

Your Question: What is the level a wife should give to her husband? ie increase her voice in any case? 

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 49 Surah Hujuraat verses 2-3:

2 O ye who believe! Raise not your voices above the voice of the Prophet, nor speak aloud to him in talk as ye may speak aloud to one another lest your deeds become vain and ye perceive not!

3 Those that lower their voice in the presence of Allah's Messenger, their hearts has Allah tested for piety: for them is Forgiveness and a Great Reward.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 17 Surah Bani Israel verses 23-24:

Your Lord has enjoined the following: You should not worship anyone but Him Alone! Treat your parents with great kindness; if either or both of them attain old age, do not even say ‘uff’ to them; nor rebuke them; but speak to them kind words. Treat them with humility and tenderness and pray, “O our Lord, be merciful to them, just as they brought me up with kindness and affection in my childhood.”

There are only two in creation regarding whom it is absolutely forbidden in Islam for a believer to raise their voice above theirs:

1. The Noble Messenger of Allah (saws), and
2. One’s parents

As long as the wife accepts her husband as the ‘imam’ and leader of the house, gives him due respect, does not constantly challenge, or abuse or disrespect him….it is only natural and expected that there might be an occasional situation and instance where perchance there is a disagreement or argument between a husband and wife in their sacred bond of marriage…. in such occasional arguments, although not encouraged in Islam, if a husband happens to raise his voice above his wife’s, or if a wife happens to raise her voice above her husband’s, it is only natural and there is no particular harm or sin.

Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.734 Narrated by Ibn Abbas

I heard from my father Umar Ibn Khattab (r.a.) who said: "We never used to give significance to the womenfolk in the days of the pre-Islamic period of ignorance, but when Islam came and Allah mentioned their (the women’s) rights, we used to give them their rights but did not allow them to interfere in our affairs. Once there was some dispute between me and my wife and she answered me back in a loud voice. I (Umar (r.a.)) said to her, 'Strange! You can retort in this way?'”

But if the wife does not accept her husband as the ‘imam’ or leader of the house, is constantly disobedient to him, constantly abuses and challenges him, does not give him the respect that is due to a husband in Islam….indeed she would incur a grave sin upon herself.

If one trusts, obeys, and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of never ever being misled; but if one believes, obeys and follows any other guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger (saws), one can be assured of being led astray.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan