Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

It is regarding our marriage 6 years long. Since our marriage my husband and I live apart that is he works in Saudi and I live in In-laws place. I had never liked a husband and wife staying differently apart for a year and more and just meeting for 2-3 months in a year staying together. But the days pass by and now I have no feeling left for him, and no love for him because of leaving alone without husband right from the marriage. The purpose for my marriage is not being solved. What should a girl do if she is not having any love for her husband anymore. 

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Husband and wife living seperately

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

The feelings that you have portrayed are absolutely in accordance with nature. But if you try to analyze the reasons why the need for this separation arose, you might be able to better understand the situation.

It may be that just as you are unhappy with this separation, your husband too might not be happy living separate from his loved ones! It may be that he too is unhappy and in pain at this separation, but is forced by circumstances to live far away from his most loved ones, only so that he may be able to provide for them in a better manner. It may be that he has chosen to bear this pain upon himself, and sacrificed being with his loved ones, only so that his loved ones may be able to live a better quality life with the funds he is able to earn only in a distant land away from home. It may be that he is bearing this pain of separation only for your sake.

It would be prudent and wise for you to talk to your husband, and tell him honestly and politely how much this separation hurts and pains you; and with wisdom and politeness convince him that you would be happier living with him with less, rather than be without him with more. Maybe Allah Subhanah, if He Wills, will provide for him much more from His Unending Bounty and Grace.

If you are able to understand his sacrifice and his situation, maybe it might reignite the respect, honor and love that you once had for your husband.

But if your husband absolutely disagrees with your proposal to come back, and you cannot bear to live without him, and he is not in a position to take you with him to the distant land to live with him; as a last resort, Islam has allowed the woman to seek a divorce and marry someone else of her choice.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your Brother in Islam,

Burhan