(Questin No.1522)What should a Muslim girl do to get married?
Mu' meneen
Brothers and Sisters,
As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi
wa Barakatuh. (May
Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)
One of our
brothers/sisters has asked this question:
Dear Brother, Asalam Alakum. I hope that you
are in the best of health and eeiman, I just want to
say that your form is very good and inshallah Allah`s blessing will shower down on you. I am an educated
sister in Islam and I have some muslim friends like
myself who have completed a university education in the
(There may be
some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not
change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our
readers for circulation in confidentiality.)
Answer:
What should a Muslim girl do to
get married?
In the name of Allah, We praise
Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none
can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright.
We bear witness that there is no one (no idol,
no person, no grave, no
prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone,
and we bear witness that Muhammad(saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of
His Messengers.
Dear Sister in Islam, your issue is indeed a cause of great concern
to most parents and girls, who are
unable to find righteous educated believing men to marry. One of the reason may be that some brothers
prefer to marry someone from their own country and culture; but the truth is that is only a small part of
the real problem, which we will try to
address, Insha
Allah, in our conclusion.
Your Question: I would like to ask is that what shall we muslim girls do to get married?
The first thing the believing
woman should do is constantly and sincerely supplicate Allah Subhanah; for
indeed, everything, absolutely everything, is in the control of the Merciful Lord. And one of the best ways to get married is
to contact the leader or ‘imam’ of the local mosques or the local Islamic
Centre; they are generally the best
people who know most of the righteous brothers and sisters who are still single
and available for marriage. Another way
to facilitate the marriage of muslim women is not to
be too choosy on petty issues when seeking marriage. Some woman refuse good proposals because of
the man’s looks, color, status, profession,
country of origin, wealth, distance,
etc. These are extremely petty
issues, and should not be given too much
importance. What one needs to confirm
is if the brother is righteous,
God-Fearing, pious, his character, his honesty, his truthfullness, etc.
These are the real issues which the believing woman must consider when
seeking marriage; for these are the
characteristics which will help the couple live a righteous, pious, God-fearing and wholesome life in this
world, and will pave the way to work for
the ultimate reward of the eternal
If the believing woman and/or
their parents follow the advice of the Messenger of Allah (saws), they will never have a problem seeking the
right person for marriage.
Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 3090 Narrated by Abu Hurayrah
Allah's Messenger (saws) said, 'When someone with whose religion and character you are satisfied asks your daughter in marriage, accede to his request. If you do not do so, there will be temptation on Earth, and extensive corruption.'
The truth of the matter is that
most people in today’s world, look first
at the wealth, qualifications, status, looks, etc.; and then look at the piety and character of
the person! Many a times, the parents receive very good proposals when
the girl is young, but they refuse
saying ‘our daughter is too young to marry now’, or ‘she has to at least finish her University
education’, or they wait too long in the
hope of getting the perfect proposal, or
they have just too many worldly or petty conditions…until the time passes and
the girl reaches an age, when most of
the righteous believers of age are already married. One thing to remember here, is that most pious and righteous believers
prefer to marry early, so that they are
not led astray by the temptations of the world! Most men (definitely not all) who marry
late are generally of the category of ‘secular’ or ‘non-pious’ believers, who prefer to ‘experience’ their youth, and when they are bored with their ‘experiences’ they look for some young woman to marry!
Sahih Al-Bukhari Hadith 7.27 Narrated
by Abu Huraira
The Prophet
(saws) said, "A woman is married
for four things, i.e., her wealth, her
family status, her beauty and her
religion. So you should marry the
religious woman (otherwise) you will be a loser."
The Messenger of Allah (saws)
guided the believers to seek in marriage a righteous and pious wife, and prefer her deen
above all else, otherwise they will be
among the losers! The same wisdom
stands true for woman choosing their future husbands; if they choose to marry the righteous
believing men above his wealth, or
status, or looks, they will definitely make the better
decision.
There are several other reasons
why we ourselves are responsible for this huge and seemingly insurmountable
social concern in the Ummah of getting our daughters
and our sisters married today. We have
so adopted and accepted the ungodly and impious culture of the pagans, that we think that following the simple and
clear guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws) are for the ‘people of old’ or
‘strange’ people!
Sahih Muslim Hadith 270 Narrated
by Abu Hurayrah
The Messenger of
Allah (saws) said: ‘Islam initiated as
something strange, and it would revert to
its (old position) of being strange; so
good tidings for the strangers.’
Only if we had heeded the advice
of Allah’s Messenger (saws) and married out our daughters when we received
several good proposals when they were 18 or 20 years of age, or if we had accepted the proposals of those
righteous believers, who had little
wealth, or qualifications, or comparable status….we would not be facing
this issue of our sisters and daughters being unmarried today!
We have chosen to run the race
with the pagans in this worldly life;
but have ‘excused’ ourselves from running the race for our
Hereafter! We have accepted as our role
models and examples the lives of film stars,
and rock stars, and sport stars
and worldly celebrities; but we feel
‘strange’ following the example of the Messenger of Allah (saws) and his noble
companions!
The Messenger of Allah (saws)
guided the believers to marry our daughters young; but today some people prefer to wait till
their daughters are in their 30’s,
having gone through their Universities and employment experiences, before actively seeking a proposal!
The Messenger of Allah (saws)
guided the believers to choose the deen and character
of the person above all else when seeking marriage; but we prefer to choose based on the person’s
wealth, status, qualifications, etc.!
The Messenger of Allah (saws)
encouraged and himself led by example when he married women almost twice his
age, or widowed women, or divorced women, or women less than half his age; but today,
if someone dared to follow his (saws) example, he would be considered a social outcast and
indeed ‘strange’!
The Messenger of Allah (saws)
encouraged and himself practiced polygamy;
but today the issue of ‘mistresses’ and ‘affairs’ are universally
accepted, but ‘polygamy’ is confronted
and challenged with might and mean!
Allah and His Messenger (saws)
have taught us to differentiate between ‘lust’ and ‘love’; but today most educated and ungodly people
have mistaken lust to mean love, and wait
till they actually ‘fall in love’ with someone before deciding to marry the
person or not! Allah Subhanah declares in the Quran
that He has ‘created love and mercy (Surah Rum 30:21)’ between the couple after they are bonded in the sacred and
pure relationship of marriage; but some
people mistake their ‘lust’ for ‘love’,
and seek to find this ‘love’ before deciding their
partner in marriage! They indeed find
the guidance of Allah and His Messenger ‘strange’!!!
Beloved sister in Islam, we do sincerely apologize if our answer has
become too long; but this issue is such
a concern to many eligible sisters and their parents; that it needs to be addressed from the root
of its problems; so that the sisters who
are young or the parents who have young daughters may take heed from the
guidance of Allah and His Messenger (saws) and never ever fall in the trap set
by the ungodly and pagan cultures!
From the things that you have
disclosed in your very important question,
it seems that you are obviously concerned (like the rest of the Ummah) about this all-important issue of the marriage of
our University educated sisters, who
might have passed their age of early marriage and are in their late 20’s or mid
30’s, and now seeking good righteous believers
to marry. It would be too easy to blame
the eligible unmarried University educated brothers for opting to marry someone
from their families, or someone they
know from their own families and home-countries; but that is definitely not the root cause of
the problem of our sisters remaining unmarried! If only our these sisters would lower their
conditions for marriage by not seeking only brothers with comparable University
degrees, or wealth, or status, or looks, etc., and follow the advice and guidance of the
noble Messenger of Allah (saws), it
would definitely make their search easier.
If one trusts, obeys,
and follows the guidance and commands of Allah and His Messenger
(saws), he can be assured of never ever
being wrong; but if one believes, obeys and follows any guidance, other than that of Allah and His Messenger
(saws), he can be assured of being led
astray.
May Allah Subhanah
have Mercy on the Ummah of Islam, help the believers wherever they are, guide them,
and give them the strength and courage to follow the guidance of
Truth. Ameen.
Whatever written of Truth and
benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error
is of me. Allah Alone Knows Best and He
is the Only Source of Strength.
Your Brother in
Islam,
Burhan
Wister