Mu' meneen Brothers and Sisters,

As Salaam Aleikum wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.  (May Allah's Peace, Mercy and Blessings be upon all of you)

One of our brothers/sisters has asked this question:

Assalamun Alaykum,

I wish to ask for some answers as well as advice about a very delicate matter. I am trusting that this will be confidential. You`re doing a great job inshallah you will surely be gifted for this by the Almighty Allah.

I am a 16 year old muslim girl coming from a well respected family with good values.

I am not the kinda girl who goes out with boys or even chats to many guys as friends. However, at this very tender age, i recently started going out with this guy who really likes me and I really like him to. I know that dating is absoulutely wrong and i know what i am doing is pathetic, but this is one of those times when i don`t wan to let go of him. Let me tell you the reason i am goin out wih him is becoz i hope to have a future with him n not becoz its jus sum kinda infatuation. the reason i say this is coz he is he first guy i have actually agreed to go out with which is a huge deal for me. recently he told me that he isnt looking for commitment in his relationships which has truly left me gutted this means he does not wana think of marriage or abt the future. I feel really bad becoz we have done some things i mean foreplay i.e; kissing n touching for which am very ashamed and regret. Now i am in the situation where he has asked me 2 think abt wha i really want out of this relationship. My problem is that i want long term commitment which i know he doesnt want, n this means i should break up with him and repent for my sins from Allah but it makes my heart bleed 2 even think abt breaking up wid him... i literally feel like commiting suicide which i won`t do but thats how bad i feel abt breaking up wid him... the very fact that he is the first guy 2 touch me makes it even more harder for me 2 leave him.. what should i do? please please, do reply to me.. i know this was a long piece of text but i really need sum guidance at this tender age i dont wana go astray! also if u can let me know ways 2 forget him, to get him out of my mind! there might be sum dua i hope for this!...

I hope to hear from u soon.. plz do help to this 16 yr old sinfull muslim girl who observes hijab but is still doing all this...

I NEED SUM GUIDANCE..

Your sister in islam

(There may be some grammatical and spelling errors in the above statement. The forum does not change anything from questions, comments and statements received from our readers for circulation in confidentiality.)

Answer:

Good girl and relationship with boy

In the name of Allah, We praise Him, seek His help and ask for His forgiveness. Whoever Allah guides none can misguide, and whoever He allows to fall astray, none can guide them aright. We bear witness that there is no one (no idol, no person, no grave, no prophet, no imam, no dai, nobody!) worthy of worship but Allah Alone, and we bear witness that Muhammad (saws) is His slave-servant and the seal of His Messengers.

Your Question: what should i do? please please, do reply to me.. i know this was a long piece of text but i really need sum guidance at this tender age i dont wana go astray! also if u can let me know ways 2 forget him, to get him out of my mind! there might be sum dua i hope for this!...
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, first and foremost seek sincere repentance and forgiveness from your Lord Creator for your past deeds and make a solemn covenant with Him that you will never ever let yourself and your honor be compromised ever again; it is expected that you will find your Lord Forgiving and Merciful.

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 39 Surah Zumur verses 53-54:

(O Prophet) say: “O My servants who have wronged their own souls….Do not despair of Allah’s Mercy! Surely, Allah forgives all sins. He indeed is the All Forgiving, All Merciful. Return to your Lord and submit to Him before the scourge overtakes you; for then you may get no help from anywhere.”

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 3 Surah Ale Imraan verse 135-136:

Allah likes such good people very much, who, if ever they commit a base deed or wrong their own soul by the commission of a sin, remember Allah instantly, and ask for forgiveness from Him for their shortcomings. For who, but Allah, can forgive sins? (And Allah loves those) who do not knowingly persist in the wrongs they did. These will be rewarded with forgiveness from Allah, and with Gardens beneath which canals flow, and they will reside therein forever! How excellent is the reward of those who do good deeds!

Allah says in the Holy Quran Chapter 6 Surah Anaam verse 54:

When those come to you who believe in Our Signs, say: "Peace be on you! Your Lord had inscribed for Himself (the rule of) Mercy. Verily if any of you did evil in ignorance, and thereafter repented and amended (his conduct), Lo! He is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful."

Dear and Beloved Sister, you must be extremely careful and you must never put yourself in a position whereby the trust and honor which Allah Subhanah has bestowed upon you would ever be compromised. Do not ever unnecessarily associate or start even a seemingly ‘harmless’ relationship with a non-mehram member of the opposite sex; and if any smooth-talking-‘slick’ ever declares his ‘undying’ love or likeness for you, tell him that if indeed his claim is true, he should honor you by approaching your father or your guardian and declare the same intentions to them. You will see for yourself how fast these ‘roadside-Romeos’ disappear from your lives!

As hated and despised is the illicit relationship you had with the boy in Shariah and the Sight of Allah Subhanah, it is indeed commendable that the boy was honest enough to inform you that he has absolutely no intentions of developing a commitment in his relationship with you. Most men who do not fear Allah, would falsely promise the innocent girl anything under the sun to continue their illegal relationship; and when they have fulfilled and satisfied their illegal desire, they would conveniently break all their promises and leave the innocent woman to pick up all the broken pieces of her honor!

Your Question: also if u can let me know ways 2 forget him, to get him out of my mind! there might be sum dua i hope for this!...
Dear and Beloved Sister in Islam, the only way to forget him and the likes of him, is to be constant in the Remembrance and Fear of Allah Subhanah and the Last Day. If ever the boy’s memory comes to mind, remember how hated and despised and heinous is such a relationship in the Sight of your Lord, seek immediate refuge in Allah from the evil designs of the Shaytaan, and remember the covenant you have made with your Lord; it is expected that Allah Subhanah will protect you against any and all evil.

Also strive to keep yourself extremely busy in your studies and in doing good deeds, and always strive to keep yourself in the company of good, righteous, pious and God-fearing girl-friends…it is expected that in no time the memory of this infatuation will hold no weight in your heart.

Allah Says in the Holy Quran Chapter 7 Surah Aaraaf verses 200-201:

200 If a suggestion from the Shaytaan assail thy (mind), seek refuge with Allah; for He Hears and Knows (all things).

201 Those who fear Allah when a thought of evil from the Shaytaan assaults them bring Allah (immediately) to remembrance, when lo! they see (aright)!

If ever the Shaytaan brings the memory of this relationship to mind, immediately seek the refuge of Allah from the Shaytaan, and remain constant in your recitation of the Surah Al-Falaq (113^th) and Surah An-Naas (114^th) of the Quran; it is expected that Allah Subhanah will keep you in His Protection and Mercy.

Whatever written of Truth and benefit is only due to Allah’s Assistance and Guidance, and whatever of error is of me alone. Allah Alone Knows Best and He is the Only Source of Strength.

Your brother and well wisher in Islam,

Burhan